Golden Silence
by TheBeautifulNerd
Summary: At age twenty-nine, Lily stops talking. Not only that but she's scared, withdrawn, and constantly on edge. The concerns amongst her friends and colleagues soon start to grow, and Iain is determined to find out the reason behind her silence. Rated T for mention of abuse.
1. Chapter 1

**So I told myself that I wasn't going to post anything new, not until Family Bonds and Behind the Screen were finished. However, I've had this idea in mind for a long time and I've been working on this chapter for quite a while as well. I really wanted to get it posted. There will be some triggers which I'll write into various chapters along the way.**

 **I hope you like it.**

Chapter One

It was a different day for Lily.

Usually, she'd arrive at work at least half an hour early before she was due to start. She'd park her bike in the exact same spot in the car park, walk into the ED with Ethan, and they would talk about their plans for that week. Lily would laugh about Ethan's love for comic book conventions, and Ethan would tease her for the amount of studying that she was planning on doing. The two of them would then grab a coffee and join the others in the staffroom, before heading off to start their shift.

Not today though, today was different.

Lily arrived at the ED dead on 9:00am, not a minute earlier or a minute later, and she parked her bike in a completely different spot. She walked into the ED alone, and she didn't even stop to grab her morning coffee. She didn't say a single word to anyone.

"Good morning," Alicia greeted, as she happily skipped into the staffroom.

Lily was in the middle of packing her things away into her locker. Her 'five year plan' was stuck on the inside, staring her in the face and reminding her of what a failure she was. She didn't even smile at Alicia, she couldn't be dealing with her early morning happiness.

"It's such a lovely day outside," Alicia said. "It's a shame that we're working really."

Lily nodded faintly at the young junior doctor and hung her stethoscope around her neck. Lily liked the fact that she was working, she didn't want to be outside in a busy, crowded street full of screaming children and swearing parents. It was the beginning of August, in other words the summer holidays, so everyone on earth was bound to be out in the sun.

"Are you going on holiday this year?" Alicia then asked.

Lily pursed her lips and rolled her eyes. When was she going to shut up? She didn't let Alicia see the look of annoyance on her face though and just slowly turned and shook her head.

"My mam wants to take me on a mother and daughter bonding holiday," Alicia said. "I'm not sure if I'm going to go though. I'm in my late twenties, it'd look a bit daft really."

Shrugging her shoulders, Lily shut her locker door and cleared her throat. She caught sight of Alicia smiling weakly in her direction, as if she'd noticed that there was something wrong but she was way too scared to say anything. In a way, Lily hoped that she'd ask her, but she never did.

"We best get working," she said instead. "Mrs Beauchamp will come tracking us down otherwise."

Lily followed her out, her mind on many other things. The two of them made their way up to the reception desk, where Louise was collecting the patients notes from Noel. She and Alicia got talking about the karaoke that they'd gone to on Saturday night, leaving Lily to just hover nearby.

She'd never been invited.

"Anyway." Louise shook her head and got back to the topic of work. "Forty-two year old man in cubicles, fell onto some broken glass. His wife has been contacted and she's on the way now."

"Thank you," Alicia said, clutching the notes to her chest.

"Try and at least smile for the patient, yeah?" Louise snapped.

To Lily, it was quite clear that the comment was aimed at her. Alicia was still smiling, making conversation, jumping about and feeling completely happy in her job. She was basically a puppy. Lily could have fought back, she could have acted as if the comment hadn't hurt her, but instead she kept up the silence and followed Alicia to the cubicle where David and Dylan were waiting.

"Ah, Doctor Chao," Dylan said. He seemed pleased to see her, but only so that he could catch a break. "This is James, and he has quite a nasty piece of glass sticking out of his leg. It will need to be removed."

"Really?" James hissed through clenched teeth, looking from Dylan to the two women. "Never have been that great with blood, and...Well...Hospitals altogether really."

"Well," Dylan sighed, allowing David to step in front of him. "I'll leave you in Doctor Chao's capable hands."

And with that, Dylan left. Lily just stayed back, arms folded across her chest, her eyes on Alicia as she communicated with the patient.

"It's okay, honestly," Alicia comforted him. "My parents are exactly the same with blood, unlike me, but I guess I'm just weird really. I'll tell you a secret though, I am absolutely petrified of small spaces."

"And I have a fear of public speaking," David mentioned.

"I didn't think doctors were afraid of anything," James scoffed. "There's me, in my forties, and terrified of everything. I'm such a wimp, I really am. My kids would love a dog, but they can't have one because I'm scared of them. Do any of you have pets?"

"I don't." Alicia shook her head, as she started to examine him. "And Doctor Chao here is allergic to dogs, so I doubt she has any."

"I wish I was allergic, believe me," James said. "That excuse works better than telling people I have a fear of them."

"It's nothing to be ashamed of," Alicia spoke again. "Why don't we get this leg fixed up, huh? Trust me, it'll be over before you know it." James nodded, clearly trusting the junior doctor. "Is it okay if I lead?" Alicia asked Lily. "I need this sort of stuff for my portfolio."

Lily just nodded and gestured to the leg wound. She saw the way that James was looking at her, and it made her uncomfortable.

"Are you a trainee?" James suddenly looked very concerned, as he eyed Alicia's steady hands.

"Oh yeah, but don't worry," she replied. "I've worked here for a while now, and I've read up on all of this stuff. I know what I'm doing."

"But the other doctor is staying to observe, right?" He asked, referring to Lily.

"Of course," Alicia said, whilst Lily didn't utter a word.

"I don't think you're the only one with a fear of public speaking, mate," he joked with David, before addressing Lily again. "Do they call you 'The Silent Doctor' then, eh?"

"Doctor Chao's usually quite talkative, but it's been a bit of a rough week for her," Alicia said, quickly making up some excuse as to why Lily was so quiet.

Lily secretly felt grateful, but she wasn't able to thank her for it.

"Well, I'm sorry to hear that," James sighed, looking at Lily with sympathetic eyes. "But look on the bright side, you're not the one with broken glass sticking out of your leg."

"That is true," Alicia laughed, turning to see if Lily was laughing with her.

She wasn't.

"Anyway," Alicia sighed. "I'm just going to carefully remove the glass."

* * *

"What happened in there, Lily?" Alicia asked, as she and Lily exited the cubicle to get the discharge papers for James. "You didn't say a single word to him, what if he puts in a complaint?"

Lily didn't say anything and just sat down at the computer in reception, sitting the notes down onto the desk. She tapped the keypad anxiously, and slowly lifted her face to lock eyes with Alicia.

"I don't think he will," Alicia sighed, taking a seat beside her. She could sense the nerves building up inside of Lily. "He was nice, but you're lucky. He could have been an awkward patient Lily, one who could have put in a complaint against you for being unprofessional."

"Just..." Lily hissed and cursed herself for saying something. "Just...Don't tell me how to do my job, alright?" She whispered, her voice soft and croaky.

"So you can speak," Alicia stated. "You haven't lost your voice or anything. Where was that ten minutes ago?" She sighed and asked, "Is there something wrong? Has something upset you?"

Lily shook her head and whispered, "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" Alicia asked.

Lily faintly nodded at her and repeated the same words, "I'm fine."

"Okay," Alicia decided to drop the subject. She really did not want to cause an argument between the two of them. "But we're going to be dealing with more patients, Lily. You won't be able to keep up this silent treatment. Sooner or later, someone will complain."

Lily didn't want to think about that, but deep down she knew that Alicia was right.

 **So there's the first chapter. I'm actually quite pleased with it so far and I really enjoyed writing this. I'll try and update soon. Let me know what you think and if you have any conscructive critism or improvement ideas, just let me know.**

 **Thank you x**


	2. Chapter 2

**LillyMayFlower: Thank you! You'll find out a small part in this chapter, but there is still a lot more to come. Let's hope she can talk to someone, preferably Iain. I think you'll like this chapter because there is a small Lily and Ethan scene, haha. Thank you so much for your lovely review, looking forward to some more of your stuff.**

 **heather curtis-rich: Thank you so much. The detail took me quite a long time, haha :-)**

 **casualtyfics111: Thank you. More to come.**

 **MrsWhovian: Thank you, lovely :-)**

 **Thank you to everyone else who read, favourited and followed the story as well. Enjoy the update x**

Chapter Two

Lily was pleased when her break finally rolled around.

It had been a long morning, with patients constantly getting admitted. There had been James, then a small boy with a broken arm, a pregnant lady who'd taken a fall down some stairs, a teenage girl who'd been starving herself, and twin sisters who'd been badly injured in a car crash. It had been a huge variety of injures and illnesses, and with Connie in meetings and Cal off sick, they'd been pretty short staffed.

Lily had taken what Alicia had said into account, but whilst she chose to talk to the patients, so that she could give them the correct treatment, she stayed completely silent when it came to her colleagues.

She was now stood at the entrance of the sexual health ward, a leaflet clutched between her fingers. All it took was one step, one word, but she couldn't. A teenage girl with short, blonde hair, and sad blue eyes walked past her. A lady, whom Lily assumed was her mum, had her arm around her shoulder and her eyes were also filled with sadness.

She couldn't do that to the people around her, it wasn't fair. Besides, she was sure to be in even more danger if she said anything.

Small tears pricked Lily's eyes and she stuffed the leaflet into the pocket of her black trousers, before hurrying back down the stairs. She made her way into the staffroom to see that Ethan, Iain, and Max were sprawled out on the sofas eating lunch. Opening up her locker, she grabbed a banana. She wasn't feeling that hungry.

"Hey Chuckles," Iain greeted, causing Lily to smile at his nickname for her. "I haven't seen you all day."

"Where were you this morning, Lily?" Ethan asked his best friend. "I waited for you in the car park."

Lily just shrugged her shoulders and took a seat on one of the stalls. Iain and Ethan exchanged glances with each other and Ethan stood up to try and talk to her.

"Have I done something wrong, Lily?" He questioned nervously.

Lily just shook her head, as she began to slowly peel her banana. She could feel Ethan's eyes on her and although she hated the thought of hurting and angering her friend, she really did not want to talk to him.

"Lily." Iain's voice appeared and he slowly made his way over. "Hey. Is everything okay?" Lily nodded, taking a small bite. "Okay," he sighed heavily. "Well, I was planning on visiting Gem later if you wanted to come. I'm sure she'd like to see you."

Gem had turned herself in at the police station, shortly after knocking Lily down with her car. Iain and Lily had both agreed to keep silent about it, but Gem had been wracked with guilt, and she knew that she had to do the right thing.

"Talk to me," Iain said, his voice calm and gentle.

Lily lifted her eyes and whispered, "No, thank you." She then turned to address Ethan and said to him, "You didn't do anything wrong."

"Alright," Iain sighed and a smile spread across his face. "I'll send her your love though. Maybe another time?"

All Lily could do was nod, as she tossed her banana peel into the bin and swiftly left the room. She didn't even turn back to see if Ethan and Iain were watching her, of course Max hadn't been bothered, but she was close to those two so of course they were bound to be worried.

She'd said what she needed to say though, she'd reassured them both and she'd eaten her lunch, so what was the point in staying in the staffroom? They'd just force her to talk, and she didn't want that.

She took a seat on the bench outside and looked around to see if anybody was watching her. They weren't. She reached inside her pocket and began to read the leaflet that she'd picked up.

* * *

"Did she say anything to you?" Ethan asked the paramedic, as the two of them headed back to work.

Their concerns for the registrar weren't going away anytime soon. Lily had hardly said a single word to them in the staffroom, and after eventually speaking she'd rushed out in a huge hurry. Lily was usually extremely talkative, often telling people that they were in the wrong, so the silence wasn't like her at all.

"What do you mean?" Iain sighed, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

"She seemed upset about something," Ethan observed. "And you two have grown a lot closer with each other. Has she said anything to you?"

"Not close enough to share secrets," Iain joked. "No, sorry mate, I mean if Lily was to tell anyone if something was wrong then surely it'd be you, right? She might just be tired, you know how she gets if she overworks herself."

"True," Ethan had to agree.

Lily did have a habit of doing too much, and she'd proved that many times in the past. Even though he was still concerned about her, Iain's words had given him a little bit of reassurance.

"Let's see how she is tomorrow," Iain suggested.

That was certainly one of his best ideas.

"Hey," Iain whispered and slapped a hand down onto Ethan's shoulder.

Ethan forced a smile and anxiously fiddled with his glasses. He knew how Iain felt about Lily, and he knew how Lily felt about Iain. He was pleased though, he remembered how awkward it had been when Lily had feelings for him once upon a time and how she'd always dreamed of meeting the perfect guy, so she deserved it.

He just wished that the two of them would tell each other how they felt though.

"I'll let you know if she tells me anything," Iain continued.

Ethan nodded. He was grateful for that.

 **Just a small filler chapter carrying on from the last chapter. You got to know a little bit about what happened to Lily though.**

 **I hope you enjoyed the chapter anyway. This will become a Lily and Iain romance story, and there will be some Lily and Ethan friendship, as seen in this chapter, as I do love the friendship between those two.**

 **I'll try and update soon. I'm off work next week because I'm off to Cardiff on Thursday. I'm hoping to update before I go though x**


	3. Chapter 3

**LillyMayFlower: Haha, don't we all wish that upon us? Although I don't write about them as a couple much now, I still write lovely friendship scenes between them. I'm upset that they didn't have more of a nice scene after Cal's passing to be honest. Thanks for reviewing.**

 **Scarlett: Thank you! If you've read my other stories (which I think you might have done), then you'll know how much I love the relationship between Connie and Lily. What I'm saying is that there are loads of nice scenes coming up between the two of them, so you won't be disappointed.**

 **Holly: Another Lily and Connie fan, you people make me happy as I thought I was the only one. There will be loads of Connie and Lily scenes coming up, including one in this chapter. That's a good idea as well thanks, I'll definitely consider it and might include it later on in the story.**

 **Guest: Thanks so much. Enjoy the update.**

Chapter Three

Lily couldn't sleep that night.

Her whole body felt sore and everytime she turned to a new position, pain shot through her. She sniffed and wiped away a few loose tears that were starting to escape, before making the hard decision to turn on her light and stay up for a bit longer. It was half past twelve in the morning and she had to be up at six for work, but it was clear that she wasn't going to be shutting her eyes any time soon.

She sighed heavily and ran a hand along a particularly painful bruise on her stomach. She winced and slowly climbed out of bed, dragging her tired self over to the laptop that sat on her desk. She lifted the lid and turned it on, yawning wearily as she waited for it to load up.

She hated it when she couldn't sleep, especially when she had an early shift. She just wished that the pain would just go away as well, she'd already taken some painkillers but they weren't really helping that much.

Logging onto her laptop, she opened up Facebook. Maybe it was a bad idea, but she needed something to distract her.

She thought back to that night and remembered how dark it had been. Although she'd struggled to see his face, she remembered seeing a skull and crossbones tattoo on his neck, and an earring through his right eyebrow. His voice had been deep and rough.

"Don't you dare scream!" He's shouted, whilst pinning her up against the wall. "Or I will kill you!"

"No!" She'd shouted back.

"What did I just tell you?" He threatened her.

Thinking back to that night just made Lily feel worse. She let out a loud scream, praying for someone to hear her. They didn't.

* * *

"Are you feeling better then?"

The voice made Lily jump. She turned and saw Alicia hovering in the doorway behind her, her hair scrunched up in a neat ponytail. Although she hated to admit it, Lily was often jealous of Alicia's looks, no wonder Ethan and Cal had fought over her.

Lily just faintly nodded and gently shut her locker door.

"It was busy yesterday," Alicia mentioned. "It was probably a bit overwhelming for everyone. I went home and just jumped straight into bed. Hopefully it won't be as bad today."

She looked up and saw that Lily was fiddling with her stethoscope, adjusting it to try and get it just right. Her eyes remained unfocused and away from Alicia the whole time.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Alicia asked. "You look tired."

Lily just nodded again, breathing out a sigh of relief when Connie entered the staffroom. Saved by the boss, she thought.

"Doctor Chao, Doctor Munroe," she greeted the two of them. "How are we both doing this morning?"

"Good, thank you," Alicia said straight away, whilst Lily remained completely silent. The thought of talking to Connie made her feel physically sick. "And yourself?" Alicia then asked, keeping up the nice and friendly act as usual.

"I'm fine, thank you for asking," Connie sighed, crossing her arms over her chest. "I thought I would come and give you some good news, and let you know that I'll be putting you in for your MCEM exams."

"Really?" Alicia's eyes lit up and she let out a high-pitched squeal of joy. Lily looked over at that point. "Are you sure, Mrs Beauchamp? Because I really don't want to mess things up, not after last time."

"I'm sure," Connie said. "I'm really proud of your progress, Doctor Munroe. This is a new start, alright?" Alicia nodded in agreement, promising Connie that she wouldn't let her down. "Good," Connie said. "You better get studying then. I'm sure Doctor Chao will help you."

"Thank you, I'm going to go and tell Ethan," Alicia said, grinning madly as she hurried out of the staffroom in search of her boyfriend.

"Anyway," Connie sighed, shaking her head at the junior before looking towards Lily. "I hope that's okay with you. She's got a bright future ahead of her, and I'd prefer it if she sat them sooner rather than later."

Lily nodded and leaned back against the lockers. The metal bashed against her waist and she found herself wincing, because of how sore they were.

"Is everything alright, Doctor Chao?" Connie questioned. "You've not said a single word since I came in here. Do you need to talk about anything?"

Talk was a strong word, something that Lily just felt physically incapable of doing.

"Lily!" The use of her first name shocked Lily, and caused her to flinch. "Why aren't you talking?"

Lily so badly wanted to say something to her. It was as if someone had gathered all of her words up though and superglued them to the back of her throat, so that they couldn't actually come out.

"Right, is this about Alicia's exam?" Connie asked, taking a few steps towards the registrar.

Lily sucked in a breath. She could hear the sound of Connie's heels, she could feel her breath on her neck. It made her feel uncomfortable, she didn't like it.

"Fine," Connie cleared her throat, clearly frustrated at Lily's lack of voice. "If you're not going to talk to me here, then maybe we can go to my office to discuss it in further detail. Come with me, please."

Lily had no choice but to follow her. She nervously tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and followed Connie across the ED to the office. She could feel everyone watching her, including Alicia who looked ready to step in and defend her. Once they were inside though and once Connie had shut the door, a sense of relief washed over her and she felt safe. Connie's office was small and enclosed, there was a sofa and a table and no one was able to get in unless they knew the code.

"Lily, Alicia is a good doctor," Connie said, sitting down at her desk. "And she speaks very highly of you. Don't let something as little as this upset you, alright?"

Lily hated the way Connie was talking about them. It was like a teacher trying to get two of her best students to make friends with each other.

She nodded, her eyes moving around at a rapid speed as if trying to find the perfect spot to focus on. Connie remained seated, clearly waiting for Lily to say something, even if it was just a word. Lily gulped and looked to the clock on the wall. It was the longest she'd gone without saying anything at all, not that she'd been counting at all.

She could hear the noise of her colleagues outside. Elle sounded stressed out, Cal seemed to be back at work after being off for a few days with a stomach bug, Robyn was laughing as usual. She wished that it was that easy for her, but it wasn't.

"What's the matter, Lily?" Connie's voice was suddenly quiet and gentle. "Are you not well?"

It was the way Lily's mum used to talk to her whenever she was unwell and off school. However, Lily still didn't feel as if she could say anything to Connie.

"Do you need to go home?" Connie asked, and Lily only just managed to shake her head. "Okay, because I need my doctor's on the top of their game at all times, and if you're not able to treat any of the patients or even talk, then you shouldn't be here."

There was a pause, and it was obvious that Connie was waiting for Lily's response.

"I'd like you to think about that for a moment, okay?" Connie said. "I know how important your job is to you, so just take a moment to think. If you feel as if you can't work, then, well, I suppose there's nothing we can do about that."

Connie's words made Lily feel guilty. She couldn't possibly go home, but the superglue was still there and she couldn't even get the beginning of a word out.

"Grab a glass of water," Connie suggested kindly. "And let me know when you've made a decision."

 **This chapter took me ages to write. I really wanted to get the perfect Connie and Lily scene written, as they're probably one of my favourite relationships to write and I know quite a few of you have been requesting them. I hope it was alright. I also wanted to put as much detail into Lily's emotions as possible. I'm trying to add a lot more description into my stories where possible.**

 **So, Lily didn't say a single word in this chapter and hardly anyone noticed. Poor girl. It's actually quite a challenge writing someone who doesn't talk as the main character, and I'm really enjoying it.**

 **I would also like to apologise for the lack of Lily and Iain in this chapter. Don't worry though, there will be loads of scenes between them in upcoming chapters.**

 **Thank you to everyone who's been reading so far and thank you for the lovely comments. More to come x**


	4. Chapter 4

**LillyMayFlower: It is very sad, and hopefully someone will notice eventually. Thanks so much for your lovely review, I always enjoy reading what you have to say.**

 **heather curtis-rich: Thank you! Let's hope so, I think Lily just needs people who she can trust right now.**

 **Scarlett: Loads more Connie and Lily to come, so look forward to it. Thank you.**

Chapter Four

"This is Frankie Burgess. He was knocked down by a car going at around sixty miles per hour. Pulse is 120, BP 100 over 60 so that's 98% on oxygen. Patient seems to be intoxicated and has severe bruising to the face and stomach."

Lily listened carefully as Iain reeled off the information to her. The worse part of the job was dealing with patients who were awkward, angry, or drunk, and Lily had to admit that they made her nervous. She clutched Frankie's notes in her hand and gestured towards resus.

She immediately started to panic, knowing that she'd have no choice but to talk. She followed Iain through the doors and watched anxiously as Frankie was lifted up onto the bed. She looked past Iain, at Louise and Alicia who'd already got to work, and then down at her feet. Frankie was shouting, his arms crossed stubbornly over his chest.

"Mr Burgess, if you could please calm down!" Louise was shouting, causing Lily to flinch slightly.

"Are you okay?" Iain asked her, sensing the quietness and the jumpiness.

Lily snapped out of her trance, only just realising that Iain was talking to her.

"Are you okay?" He repeated.

Lily faintly nodded, lifting her eyes ever so slightly. Her heart was pounding fast.

"You sure?" Iain whispered, nodding his head at Lily. Lily returned the nod, clearing her throat. "Alright, I'm here if you need a chat," he said, gently giving her arm a squeeze.

It took every ounch of energy for Lily to try and hide the pain that she was feeling. She forced a smile, blinked to hold back her tears, and bit her lip before making her way over to the bed. Iain thought nothing of it, rolling his eyes because of how focused she was on her work.

"Mr Burgess, if you could please stay still for us," Alicia said, watching cautiously as Lily arrived at her side. She would have rathered someone with more of a voice, Connie or Dylan. Lily hadn't been herself lately, and Frankie wasn't exactly the easiest of patients. "Please, I'm not a fan of hospitals myself, but we just want to help you," Alicia continued.

"You're not a fan of hospitals, yet you work in one," Louise laughed. "That makes a lot of sense."

"You know what I mean," Alicia said, rolling her eyes. She giggled and looked back to the patient, before asking. "So, what were you doing in the middle of the road then?"

"I'm not drunk!" Frankie suddenly spat in denial.

"Well, we didn't say you were," Louise said, smirking to herself. She looked up and saw that Lily was staring down at the patients stomach with a scared look in her eyes. She hadn't said a single word. "Lily?" She said in a raised voice.

Lily jumped, her head snapping towards the nurse.

"S...Sorry," Lily managed to stutter, small tears filling her eyes at the sound of her own voice. "I think we ought to get a CT scan sorted out."

It was the biggest thing that she'd said so far, and maybe she should have been proud of herself. She'd spoken so fast though that all the words just merged into one, and her voice had sounded so quiet and childlike. It was worse than staying completely silent.

"I can't hear a bloody word that you're saying!" Frankie then shouted, the stench of alcohol pouring off of his breath as he spoke.

"Lily, maybe you should go," Alicia whispered.

She was only trying to be helpful, but Lily didn't seem to take it that way. She opened her mouth to argue but Alicia cut her off.

"It's okay," she said. "Ethan can help us."

Lily looked to Louise, who seemed to be nodding in agreement, and sighed heavily. She turned away from them and the patient, and exited resus before she broke down crying.

* * *

"Game of Basketball, mate?"

Jez chucked the ball at Iain's chest before he could even answer. In other words, before he could refuse the offer and tell him to get on with his work like they were supposed to be doing. Iain liked Jez, the two of them had become good friends, and they did occassionally have the odd banter in the ambulance bay. There was a time and a place for it though, and Jez was often one to take things too far.

"How's it going with you and the Ice Princess anyway?" Jez asked. "Have you slept with her yet?"

"Dude!" Iain yelled. "Besides, Lily and I are just friends."

"Just friends?" Jez scoffed. "Do you really expect me to believe that? Everyone knows that the two of you like each other, so why don't you just go for it?"

Iain shrugged his shoulders and said, "Everyone knows it, do they?"

"Hell yeah!" Jez yelled, a little too enthusiastically.

"Well, what if I did?" Iain sighed. "What if she doesn't like me back?"

"There's only one way to find out," Jez chuckled to himself, winking at his friend.

There was a light knock from behind them, and they both turned to see Lily hovering in the entrance with her hands in the pockets of her brown coat. Iain wasn't sure how much she'd heard of the conversation, if anything, but he decided not to bring it up with her.

"Shut up," he hissed subtly to Jez, before throwing the ball at him and strolling over towards Lily. "Hey Chuckles," he greeted. "What can I do for you?"

Lily said nothing. She so badly wanted to talk to Iain, hence the fact that she'd gone to find him after being told to leave resus by Alicia. He was the one person who cheered her up, the one person who made her smile so hard that it felt like her face was going to break.

"Not talking still, huh?" Iain sighed deeply. "What's going on, Lily? This isn't like you."

Lily leaned back against the wall, her head hung. Iain watched her for a few seconds, feeling quite aware of the fact that Jez was still there and probably watching them.

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" He asked his colleague, without even turning round to face him.

"Right," Jez coughed. "Uh...I guess I'll see you later."

As soon as Jez had disappeared, Iain decided to try and talk to Lily again.

"Listen," he whispered, and Lily flinched at the feel of his breath on her neck. "I don't know what's going on here, but you probably feel as if you don't have anyone to talk to. That's not true though, Lily. You have me."

Lily glanced at Iain through her eyelashes and managed a weak smile for him. Her mouth remained shut though, and she didn't move to hug him.

"I wouldn't lie to you," Iain whispered.

Lily wished that she could believe him, but so many people had lied to her before. How was she supposed to trust him?

"Hey." Iain placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, causing her to quickly suck in a breath. "Do you remember the time when you were in hospital? I told you that we were going to be something special. I meant that."

* * *

Connie sat at her desk, surrounded by paperwork. It felt good to distract herself with work, Sam had brought Grace over to her house the night before and things weren't any better between them. Grace still blamed Connie for everything that had happened, and she still wanted to live with her dad. Connie wasn't going to deny the fact that she was upset by it, she never should have taken Grace to court in the first place, but Grace seemed happy and she didn't want to ruin that.

As she finished off another set of notes, there was a knock on her office door. She didn't like the idea of being disturbed, not when she was so busy, but she called for them to come in anyway.

It was Louise.

"Louise," she sighed, looking around her desk for her missing pen. She wasn't surprised that she couldn't find it, her desk was filled up to the brim with rubbish. "What can I do for you?"

Louise just sighed and shut the door behind her. "I think we need to talk about Lily."

 **So I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I'm going to try and start Chapter 5 today, but I also have other Fanfictions to update so I'm not sure when I'll get it posted. I'm busy most of tomorrow and then on Saturday as well because of the production that my drama group is putting on. However, I then have the week off so that'll be good.**

 **So a lot happened in this chapter. Lily was obviously struggling to talk around an awkward patient, resulting in Alicia sending her out. Iain practically admitted his feelings to Lily in the ambulance bay, and Louise has addressed her concerns about her.**

 **I hope you're enjoying the story. If you are, add it to your alerts and leave a review. Thank you x**

 **Also, a huge thank you to my friend "LillyMayFlower" for helping me out with the idea for the last scene.**


	5. Chapter 5

**LillyMayFlower: I'm glad it made you emotional, I mean I'm not, lol! You know what I mean, it was meant to be an emotional scene so it is good that you felt that way. Louise was a good choice, seeing as she doesn't like Lily that much. Thanks so much for reviewing.**

Chapter Five

"Home sweet home," Iain said, as he and Lily walked through the door of her flat.

Iain had never been in Lily's flat before, but it was so friendly and welcoming that it brought a huge smile to his face. It was spotless for one thing, every single room was tidy, and there wasn't a single speck of dust to be seen. It had a nice smell to it as well, although he couldn't quite work out what it was.

Lily was grateful for the lift home, and she wished that she was able to find the words to thank Iain properly. She'd walked to work that morning, hoping that the fresh air would help clear her head and distract her from the threatening messages. By the time she'd finished work though, it was dark and the last time she'd walked home in the dark...Well...She didn't even want to think about that.

Iain didn't even know about the assault, so it just showed what a kind and genuine guy he really was.

"Can I get you anything?" Iain asked her.

He wanted to make sure that she was alright, especially because she wasn't talking. He didn't like the thought of leaving her alone if she was upset.

Lily shook her head, slowly walking into the living room and throwing her bag onto the sofa. Iain had done more than enough by dropping her home, and to be honest she just wanted to be on her own.

"Okay," he sighed, watching her as she sat down on the sofa. "Can I ask you something before I go?" He waited for Lily to nod in response. "I told you that I liked you, earlier on, in the ambulance bay. Do you feel the same way?"

Lily looked up at him and saw the way that he was looking at her. He was the first man who'd ever really liked her, and he'd never let her down before. She had to admit that she did like him, but she was scared. Maybe a boyfriend was what she needed though, someone to take her mind off of everything.

All she could do was give him the right answer, by nodding.

"Really?" Iain suddenly sounded like a little boy, so happy that the girl of his dreams had said yes. "I was so scared that you didn't feel the same way," he admitted, and sat down next to her.

Lily could feel herself blushing as Iain got his face up close to hers. She felt her body tense up as his lips suddenly brushed against her cheek. She bit down on her lip and let out a small whimper, finding herself moving further and further away from the paramedic.

"Lily?" He questioned. "What's up?"

Of course Lily couldn't speak. Why was she so stupid? She liked Iain and she was going to lose him if she wasn't careful. She could have slapped herself. Everything that her attacker had said to her was true.

"You don't want to kiss me?" He asked.

Lily shook her head, but then she realised what that probably meant to Iain, and she nodded instead. With a sigh, Iain sat back and ran a hand through his hair.

"Listen, it's getting late," he said, and Lily was surprised at how calm and nice he was being. "Go and put your pyjamas on or something, and we can order in and watch some TV."

Lily nodded thankfully and stood up from the sofa, her hands in her pockets. She couldn't wait to change into her pyjamas, she needed some loose and baggy clothes to make her feel more comfortable. She was sore all over and she was finding it hard to put on a brave face.

* * *

Iain tried to hold Lily's hand the next morning, but she wasn't letting him touch her in any way. His concerns were beginning to grow but he knew that Lily wouldn't answer any of his questions, all he could do was be there for her.

When the two of them turned up for work, everyone was staring. Did they know that Iain had stayed the night? Did they know that they were basically a couple? Gossip spread throughout the ED fast, so it wasn't surprising.

"Lily," the sound of Connie's voice appeared, as soon as Lily had taken her first step through the door. "Can I see you in my office?"

Lily looked to Iain and a few small tears began to sting her eyes. Connie was smiling gently, but it was the sort of smile that told her that something was wrong. She folded her arms protectively across her stomach and walked across the reception. She could feel the eyes watching her as she walked, and it made her stumble a bit in her steps. She tried to focus on her breathing, but it was so difficult, and even the sound of Iain's voice behind her wasn't making her feel better.

"Inside," Connie whispered, allowing Lily to walk into the office.

Lily stood awkwardly in the middle of the room and Connie shut the door, before picking up a book from her desk and passing it to her. Lily examined the cover and saw that it was an old childhood favourite, Alice in Wonderland.

"It belongs to Grace," Connie said defensively, as if Lily was accusing her of being a secret Alice in Wonderland fan. "It's a nice easy read, and a book that everyone loves. Turn to a page for me."

Lily fingered the delicate pages. She ran her hand over the cover. She gulped and clutched the book as if she was never going to let go.

"Go on," Connie encouraged, but she didn't sound angry. "Any page will do, I'm not fussed."

Lily kept her eyes on Connie, and turned to the first page. That way she didn't have to think too much.

"Okay," Connie whispered. "Read it to me."

Lily's eyes went wide, wider than the rabbit hole that Alice went down in the first chapter.

"Out loud," Connie added, just in case Lily was about to start reading the entire book in her head.

Lily hesitated, and her whole body began to shake. She couldn't. Her breathing was hard to control, and she felt close to throwing up in front of Connie. She couldn't do it, she just couldn't, and she knew that she couldn't. She shook her head, a single tear rolling down one side of her face and landing on the page in front of her.

"Just try a sentence," Connie tried to help.

Lily clenched her teeth together and tried to focus her eyes on the words in front of her. Her vision had gone blurred though, and the superglue was back. She gulped and only just managed to get the words out.

"Alice...Alice was...Beginning to get v...very tired of...of sitting by her sister on the bank, and...and of having n...nothing to do."

She stopped there and glanced up at Connie over the top of her book.

"So." A smile appeared on Connie's face and she took the book from Lily, shutting it gently before setting it back down on her desk. "You can talk, so where have you been hiding that voice?" Lily just shrugged her shoulders. "Take a seat for me."

Lily looked behind her and sat down on the edge of the sofa. Connie set a hand down on her shoulder and sat beside, making sure to keep a safe distance between them.

"I'm going to start off by saying that I'm not cross," Connie began. "But I am concerned, and I don't think that I'm the only one. I know Iain is for a fact, and I had a member of staff come to me yesterday as well."

Lily slowly made eye contact with her. She wondered who'd spoken to Connie.

"I'm not going to say who," Connie said quickly. "Has something happened, Lily? You usually don't hesitate to tell someone if they've done something wrong. Have you been struggling to talk to people lately?"

Lily just nodded, anxiously rocking back and forth on the sofa to try and calm her nerves. Sitting so incredibly close to Connie made it hard to focus.

"Do you know why?" Connie sighed. "Is it the fact that you don't want to speak, or you just physically can't speak?" Again, nothing. "Come on Lily, you read a sentence from that book didn't you? At least try and answer my questions."

Lily violently shook her head. Even reading from the book had been a struggle, saying other things seemed so overwhelming.

"You know that we can't have this in a hospital environment, right?" Connie said. "I'm not saying this to hurt you. I'm saying it because it's true. Being a doctor involves an awful lot of talking, to patients and to staff. What happened with Frankie shouldn't have happened, and let's just say that he wasn't incredibly happy with the service that he received."

More tears filled Lily's eyes.

"Don't worry," Connie whispered. "I'll speak to Doctor Gardner and Charlie, and we will try our best to convince him to drop the complaint. I can't promise anything though." She paused before continuing. "I can see that there's something more going on here, and that you're not just being difficult, so I'm not going to let that certain performance be held against you."

Lily nodded thankfully. Why were Iain and Connie being so nice to her? It made her feel awful, she didn't deserve it.

"When Grace stopped talking, I thought that there was something seriously wrong with her," Connie said. "But there wasn't, she just didn't want to talk to me because she hated me. That's not you though, is it Lily? You're scared of something, I can see it in your eyes, and if we need to get you speech therapy or something along those lines to get you talking again then that's what I'm going to do."

Lily reached up to wipe away her tears.

"I just want you to know that my office door is always open," Connie said. "You're a talented doctor Lily, and I really don't want this to affect your job. I know how much you enjoy it, and I could see that reading from that book was extremely hard for you, eh?"

Lily nodded, unable to stop her tears anymore.

"Don't cry," Connie comforted, giving her leg a gentle squeeze.

Lily gave a pained smile and dug her fingernails into the sofa.

"Stay in here for a bit," Connie said. "Have some time to yourself. I'll be outside if you need anything."

As Connie stood up, Lily made eye contact with her and shook her head slowly.

Connie managed a small smile and ran a hand through her hair. "Sure," she said with a small sigh. "I'll stay."

 **This was probably my favourite chapter to write so far and I hope you enjoyed it. It had everything, a cute Lily and Iain scene and then a lovely scene between Connie and Lily as well.**

 **Thanks again to everyone who's been reading. Also, I like the sound of Connie being a secret Alice in Wonderland fan, haha!**


	6. Chapter 6

**casualtyfics111: Me too, I loved writing that scene. Thanks so much, I love your comments and your work as well.**

 **LillyMayFlower: It gets worse. Thank you, and me too haha.**

 **heather curtis-rich: Thank you, she'll soon find out the truth.**

Chapter Six

"Hi, Pudding!"

Jacob almost jumped out of his skin, as Elle wrapped her arms around his neck. He laughed and shook his head at his old childhood friend, pulling her in for a hug. Jacob loved working alongside his best friend, it made work a lot more fun.

"So, there is a ninety year old man with severe dementia who keeps asking me to marry him, " Elle said. "I was meant to be dealing with it, but I honestly don't think I can. Fancy stepping in?"

"Now, isn't that a job for a doctor?" Jacob raised his eyebrows.

"Please Jacob!" Elle pleaded with him, and Jacob just had to shake his head and roll his eyes. "I'll toss a coin," Elle laughed, whipping a coin out of her pocket.

"Are you serious?" He chuckled. "How old are we?"

"Ah Jacob Masters, you are no fun!" Elle squealed. "Heads!" She said, before flipping a coin and catching it. "So, what's it going to be?" She asked. "Heads or Tails?" She removed her and from the coin and revealed the side with the head on. "Haha! Yes! He is all yours, Jacob Masters! Have fun."

"I didn't even get my say," Jacob tried to argue.

"I'm sure Doctor Keogh will help you out," Elle said. "But at least he's out of my hands."

Jacob gave her a gentle push, just as Charlie strolled over and interrupted their game. Jacob cleared his throat and leaned back against the desk with his arms crossed, pretending as if nothing had happened. He caught Elle smirking out the corner of his eye and winked at her.

"Connie wants to talk to us all," Charlie said. "She's in the board room."

"Did she say why?" Elle frowned.

Charlie just shook his head.

"Well, at least that's me off the hook," Jacob said to Elle. "Now neither of us can deal with him."

* * *

Connie was sat at the head of the table. Elle, Jacob and Charlie sat around her, all wondering why on earth they'd been summoned for a random meeting. The door was shut to allow them the privacy, Connie had papers scattered across the desk, and a serious and concerned look on her face.

"What's this about, sweetcheeks?" Jacob joked.

Connie just glared at him and sighed, tapping her pen against the edge of the desk. "We need to talk about Lily," she said.

"Is that the sequel to we need to talk about Kevin?" Elle laughed to herself.

Jacob joined in and gave her a high five, but Charlie and Connie didn't seem to be laughing.

"What's happened to Lily?" Charlie asked, deciding to avoid the joke as best as he could.

"I don't know, that's the thing," Connie said. Where was she even supposed to start? "She hasn't spoken in two days though."

"Well, that's not like Lily," Charlie said. "Have you talked to her about it?"

"Charlie, that was the first thing I did before calling this meeting," Connie said, as if he'd just asked the most stupid question in the world. "I got her to read something for me, and she managed, but she was stuttering and she was quiet and I could see that it was a struggle for her."

"Well, what do you think it is?" Jacob asked.

"i was hoping to get some advice on that," Connie said. "I've been doing some research and I don't know whether she just doesn't want to talk or whether her anxiety is so high that she just physically can't."

"Lily's always been quite an anxious person," Elle said. "But she's never lost the ability to speak. Something must have happened, Connie."

"That's what I'm afraid of," Connie sighed, rummaging through her paperwork. "But until she trusts us enough to talk to us, I don't think we're ever going to find out what. I did consider getting her an appointment with Ben, but he has no experience with mutes. A therapy session only works when both people are communicating."

"But there are therapists who deal specifically with people who can't talk," Elle mentioned. "And Ben might be able to help. It's worth asking him."

"Who knows when she'll get an appointment though?" Connie said. "There could be a huge waiting list. It's hard, but I think we just need to tread carefully around her and try and get her to talk as much as possible."

"How are we going to do that exactly?" Jacob asked.

"Just little things, like passing messages to other members of staff," Connie thought off the top of her head. "Making tea and coffee, reading stuff to us, letting her know that she can trust us. She obviously can't be treating patients, can she?"

"Lily's not going to like that," Elle sighed.

"She has no choice," Connie said. "I just hope that she'll eventually trust us enough to talk to us."

 **I wanted to update before I quickly go out, and I also wanted to add a little humour to the chapter. Humour isn't my strong point so I hope it was okay.**


	7. Chapter 7

**LillyMayFlower: I am so glad that you liked that line! I was quite proud of it myself, haha. I'm glad you enjoyed the whole chapter, and I doubt Lily will take that too well but let's see.**

 **Scarlett: Will do! I'm glad you liked them. There will be a whole Lily and Connie scene in the next chapter.**

 **Charlotte: Thank you so much, humour isn't my strong point but I do try. I don't know to be honest, it's just how I always saw Lily. Like I always felt the confidence was a mask that she put on, but that's just my opinion. I could be wrong because as you say, she's always been shown to be strong and confident. Thanks though, I will try and keep her more in character :-) xx**

Chapter Seven

Lily was sat on the bench outside the ED, taking the opportunity to get some peace and quiet. She knew that Connie was in a meeting about her, she wasn't stupid, and she'd made things pretty obvious.

As she sat there, she felt as if someone was watching her. It sent shivers up her spine and when she looked up, she saw that everyone around her was on their phone. They were either answering a call, replying to a text, browsing the web, but each and every one of them could have been her attacker. Tears stung her eyes and she quickly wiped them away with the palms of her hands.

"Are you crying?" A small voice asked.

She removed her hands from her face and saw a little girl standing in front of her. She had gorgeous, ginger hair and gleaming blue eyes. She wore a pretty, pink, Despicable Me t-shirt, blue jeans and white sandals, and in her arms she held a ginger cat that matched her hair.

"You can stroke Tommy if you want," she said. "He always cheers me up when I'm sad."

Lily slowly reached out and gave Tommy a gentle stroke. He started to purr, pleased at the fuss from the stranger.

"He likes that," the little girl said.

"What's your name?" Lily whispered, surprising herself.

"Scarlett," she said in a small voice.

"That's a pretty name," Lily said. "And this little fellow is adorable." Elsie nodded, looking down at Tommy in her arms. "Where are your parents, Scarlett?"

"Mummy's been hurt," Elsie said in a sad voice. "She's got my baby brother in her tummy and they are worried something has happened to him. I'm sad, I think mummy and daddy might forget me. All they talk about is the baby."

"They won't forget you," Lily reassured her.

"I wasn't allowed inside," Elsie said. "Because of Tommy, but daddy wanted to stay with mummy."

Lily faintly nodded and glanced across at the entrance of the ED. She didn't realise that Iain had been standing there, in his paramedic uniform, watching her the whole time. It meant that he'd heard her talk, to a random girl who'd only just started primary school. She cleared her throat and quickly turned away to try and avoid any questions.

"What are you doing out here, princess?" Iain asked, crouching beside the little girl. "Were you having a chat with this beautiful lady?"

Elsie nodded, her eyes still on Lily.

"Your pussy cat is beautiful, isn't he?" Iain said. "I bet he's well looked after." Elsie nodded in silence, and looked towards the ED. Iain followed her stare and saw a man who he assumed was her dad, standing by the entrance. "Is that daddy?" Iain asked her.

"Yes," she replied quietly.

"Elsie!" The man called over.

"Go on," Iain encouraged, and gave her shoulder a gentle rub, before sitting beside Lily on the bench.

"Bye," Elsie whispered to Lily, and hurried off towards her dad with Tommy in her arms.

Iain waited until she'd gone before speaking. "Children and animals are easier to talk to. When I was a child and I'd had an argument with my mum, I often used to vent my feelings to my pet hamster. He was called Po because I was obsessed with the Teletubbies."

Lily didn't say anything, but she did manage a small smile.

Iain returned the smile and tucked a strand of Lily's hair behind her ear. He leaned in to try and kiss her, but she tensed up and shook her head. She kept her eyes away from him the whole time.

"Right, so you don't want to kiss me?" Iain sighed. "Again? Look, I let it go the first time Lily, but what's going on? Do you not want to be in a relationship with me, because if you don't then please just tell me."

Lily made eye contact with him and gulped anxiously. She tried to talk, to tell him that that wasn't the problem, but she couldn't.

"I'm sorry, Lily," he whispered and stood up, with his hands in his pockets. "Maybe we should just leave things for now, yeah? A relationship only works when both people are involved, but if you're refusing to talk and kiss me..."

He didn't continue that sentence.

"I just want what's best for you," he said. "I guess I'll talk to you later. If you change your mind, then you know where I am."

He smiled faintly at her and left to go back into the ED. Lily could have kicked herself. She was so happy when Iain told her that he liked her, and she'd gone and ruined it. She was so stupid, why couldn't she have just said something?

She tried to call his name, but nothing came out. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she buried her face in her hands. Sniffing and letting out a small gasp, she looked up and saw Alicia and Louise standing in front of her. They were watching her intensely, but instead of asking if she was okay, they just walked off.

* * *

"She's twenty-nine years of age," Louise spat, as she and Alicia walked through the corridor of the ED. "She's being childish. Why doesn't she just say something?"

"It's obviously hard for her," Alicia sighed. "Did you see Iain's face earlier though? He looked so worried."

"I think Lily might have done something to upset him," Louise said. "It's obvious that he has feelings for her. If she can't tell him that she feels the same way, then it must break him."

Alicia shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe, but I'd rather not spread gossip without the full story." There was a pause, before she asked, "why isn't she talking, do you think?"

"Personally, I think it's an attention seeking thing," Louise said. "Have you ever known Lily to stop talking?"

"Louise, don't say that," Alicia whispered. "There's obviously something going on with her."

"Well, I'm going to have a word with Iain," Louise said. "He's a lovely guy and doesn't deserve to be hurt."

"Louise, maybe we should just let Iain and Lily deal with it," Alicia said, sternly crossing her arms over her chest. "Don't get involved."

"I just want to know what happened," Louise said. "Aren't you intrigued?"

"Lily's my friend," Alicia whispered, shaking her head at her.

"Even after what she did to you?" Louise reminded her.

Alicia had never forgot about the time Lily bullied her out of work, but she had forgiven her for it. She and Lily were now getting on better, and they'd both managed to put the past behind them. It was time that others did the same.

"That was a long time ago," Alicia said.

"I'm just going to talk to him," Louise said. "He looked upset earlier, didn't he? I'm sure he'll appreciate the concern."

"I guess," Alicia sighed, but she still didn't agree.

By the end of the day, Lily was the talk of the ED.

 **Sorry I haven't updated in a few days. I was in a production with my drama group the other day and didn't get home until midnight. Then today I felt really tired and was just catching up on sleep and Casualty. I'm off work for a bit now though so hopefully I'll be able to update more.**

 **I wasn't sure about the whole argument between Iain and Lily, mainly because Iain is always so understanding. I thought about how hard it must be though, if Lily is acting like that and he has no idea what happened. I hope it was alright and realistic enough. If not, please do let me know. Thank you x**


	8. Chapter 8

**Scarlett: Thank you, I thought you might like that. This chapter is for you!**

 **MrsWhovian: I dislike Louise, so she's usually awful in my stories. Thanks for reviewing.**

 **casualtyfics111: Aww more to come! I'm glad I made your Monday, enjoy the update.**

 **Holly: Thank you so much! Your review made me smile. Enjoy the new chapter.**

Chapter Eight

Lily locked herself into the cubicle nearest the door, and sat down on the closed toilet seat. Struggling to breathe, she took her mobile out of her pocket and switched it on. She needed something to distract her from the panic attack. She checked Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, but the panic was still there.

Shivers went up her spine. She quietly set her phone down on the floor and lifted her shirt to reveal the bruises along her stomach. They weren't as painful anymore, but they still looked bad.

She wished that she could stay in the bathroom all day, away from everyone, but she knew that it wasn't possible.

* * *

Lily was sat in the board room with Connie.

Her body tensed up as the clinical lead gently placed a notebook and a pen down in front of her. She fiddled with the sleeves of her jacket and kept her eyes on the dirty carpet below; anything to avoid an awkward conversation with her boss.

She thought about Iain, and the way he'd spoken to her. It was her fault. There she was, letting her attacker get to her, and she wasn't even brave enough to trust Iain with the truth. He cared about her, he loved her, and she loved him, but she'd gone and treated him like shit.

"Now," Connie sighed, opening up the notebook. "Myself, Charlie, Elle, and Jacob have had a meeting about you. I know you probably don't want to hear this, but we're going to book you some time off work."

Lily made eye contact with her then. Her eyes went wide and she slowly shook her head, praying that Connie would change her mind.

"Unless you prove to me that you can talk, then we really can't have you working here at the moment," Connie said. "As soon as you're better though, you can return to work."

Lily knew that she wasn't sick. There was absolutely nothing wrong with her.

"I just want you to try and write it down for me," Connie said, picking up the pen and holding it out to her. "If there is a reason for why you're not talking, just write it down."

Lily couldn't. If anyone ever found out what had happened to her, then she was sure to get killed. She hadn't even checked her phone. What if he was actually hiding somewhere, watching her and Connie intensely, and waiting? He knew what she'd been wearing, right? He knew that she didn't want to kiss Iain. It meant that he was everywhere, she couldn't escape him.

Tears stung her eyes and she sucked in a breath, her sore stomach rubbing against the material of her blouse. She felt as if she was going to throw up.

"Hey, there's no pressure," Connie whispered, obviously noticing what a state she was getting herself in. "If you're not ready, that...That's fine. At least write something down for me though, anything."

Lily shakily took the pen and jumped when she heard the sound of a door opening. She dropped the pen and tensed up again, afraid that he was entering the room. It was just Elle though.

"Doctor Gardner, what are you doing here?" Connie practically snapped at the consultant.

"I came to offer you a drink, but I don't think I'll bother now," Elle said.

"Sorry," Connie sighed. "But I was almost there with her." She looked up at Elle and whispered, "She was just about to write something."

"Right," Elle replied. "But if she doesn't want to, Connie..."

"I know," Connie said, running a hand through her hair and looking towards Lily. "I just don't know how to help her, without treating her like a child. I know she's a grown woman, but..."

"Just don't worry yourself," Elle cut her off. "I'll get you that drink."

And she left gave her a comforting smile, before leaving Connie and Lily to it.

"I'm sorry," Connie apologised to Lily, and picked the pen up from the floor. "Why don't you just write how you're feeling? Come on, do it for me."

Lily slowly took the pen with a shaking hand, and swallowed nervously on a lump that formed in her throat. She looked at Connie and saw that she was giving her this warm, gentle smile. She faintly nodded and pulled the notebook closer to her, before taking a deep breath and pressing the tip of the pen down onto the paper.

Connie sat back in her chair with her arms crossed and waited in silence. She decided not to say anything, and just let Lily write what she wanted, until she was finished. Eventually, she put her pen down.

"Finished?" Connie asked. "Can I read?"

Lily nodded and set her hands in her lap, allowing Connie to pick up the notebook.

"Okay," she sighed, and began to read aloud. "Iain and I recently had an argument. I'm upset because he said that he liked me, and I really like him back. I wouldn't let him kiss me though, and I'm not speaking to him. He's hurt because of this, and said that we shouldn't be in a relationship. I feel like I've ruined things between us."

She closed the notebook and put it back on the table so that she could speak to Lily.

"Is that really how you feel?" She asked, and Lily nodded. "You haven't ruined things, but maybe if you told us what happened then Iain would understand."

Lily shook her head. Connie didn't realise how bad it was, she couldn't just open up and tell people.

"Do you really like him?" She asked, and Lily nodded with a single tear rolling down her cheek. "I'm sure you'll sort things out. He just doesn't know what to say Lily, none of us do."

The door opened again and Elle walked in with two drinks. She placed a cup of tea in front of Connie, and then a Hot Chocolate in front of Lily. It looked like the sort of thing that you'd get in a posh restaurant; whipped cream, chocolate flakes, and two super big marshmallows. Lily wished that she could thank her.

"Your smile says it all, don't worry," Elle said, leaning over and giving her shoulder a rub. "Enjoy, alright?"

"Thanks Elle," Connie whispered, as she sipped her tea.

Elle gave her a thumbs up and a wink, before leaving the room once again. Connie sighed and set her tea down in front of her, as Lily began to drink her Hot Chocolate.

"Why don't you keep this notebook?" Connie asked, pushing it towards her. "You can write down your thoughts and feelings. If you want to show them to me, you can, but you don't have to. I'll leave it up to you. Keeping a diary might be a good idea though, eh?"

Lily nodded and ran her fingers over the cover of the notebook.

"You could write something for Iain," Connie suggested. "Give it a go?"

Another nod.

Connie gave her back a gentle rub, and smiled. Lily was currently vulnerable, self conscious, full of anxiety, and worried about what people thought of her. Maybe all she needed was a bit of praise.

"Well done for today," she told her. "You did well. Even if it was just writing down your feelings, it's a start."


	9. Chapter 9

**LillyMayFlower: I really enjoy writing for Elle. I'm glad that you like the lines I'm giving her. This chapter focuses around Gem quite a lot. More Lily and Iain in the next chapter.**

Chapter Nine

Lily sat at her desk that night, chewing on her pen, and trying to decide on what to write for Iain. She was about there with her message, but she still wasn't one hundred percent sure. It was difficult.

It had been a pretty nice day, despite everything. She didn't really want to admit it and she felt quite silly, but it had been nice to just sit and spend some time with Connie. She hadn't sat and forced her to talk, she'd given her a notebook, and Elle had been kind enough to make her a Hot Chocolate.

As soon as she got home, she'd taken a bath to try and ease the pain. It had been horrible though. Staring at her naked body and the bright red water had made her feel so ugly, and she wondered why Iain had even fallen in love with her in the first place.

Maybe that was what she should have written.

A knock on the door made her jump out of her skin.

She gulped and a lump formed in her throat. She stood up, her body shaking, and slowly walked along the hallway towards the door of her flat. There was another, louder knock. She began to bite her nails, something that she'd been doing an awful lot of lately, and took a few more steps. She hadn't ordered anything, she wasn't expecting any visitors, so who on earth was it. She couldn't even ask them.

She reached up to unlock the bolt with a shaking hand and squeezed her eyes, before slowly pulling the door open.

"Lily!"

A voice shouted at her and she screamed and fell to her knees, her hands over her face.

"Lily, it's me." The voice suddenly sounded so familiar and she peered at the face through the gaps in her fingers. It was Gem. "What the hell are you doing? Are you okay? Here, let me help you up."

Lily took Gem's hand and allowed her to help her to her feet. Tears were trickling down her cheeks and her hand felt sticky and wet.

"You're bleeding," Gem stated, and Lily looked to see that she'd chewed her nail down to the skin. "That must be sore. How about we get it under some cold water, eh? Come with me."

Lily smiled at the teen, and Gem took her into the bathroom to get her hand washed under the sink.

"Hey, maybe I should have been the doctor," Gem whispered, as she helped Lily wash her hand. "Listen, I was coming here to yell at you for upsetting my brother, but you already look upset. I didn't mean to startle you."

Lily nodded faintly, a sign to say that she was okay. Gem didn't understand her though.

"Have you got any plasters at all?" Gem asked.

Lily pointed towards the bathroom cabinet and perched herself on the edge of the bath. Gem walked over to the cabinet and pulled out a pack of plasters. She chose one at random and peeled it off to stick on Lily's hand.

Lily's stomach growled.

"Have you eaten?" Gem asked, and Lily shook her head. She'd almost forgot, even though she was actually starving. "Maybe you should. I'm not a very good cook, but I can do beans on toast."

Lily shook her head though. She didn't want a teenager looking after her, not when she was capable of looking after herself. She looked down at the plaster on her hand and gave Gem a thankful smile.

"Iain told me what happened between the two of you," Gem said, leaning back against the wall with her arms crossed. "He's really upset. He doesn't know I'm here though, so don't get any ideas."

A pause.

"I thought you liked him," Gem whispered, and her eyes diverted to the blood in the bath. It was possible that it could have come from a patient, doctors were forever going home with blood or vomit on them. "I just don't get it, Lily."

Lily shrugged her shoulders and crossed her arms over her stomach.

"If you can't talk to him, maybe...You can talk to me," Gem suggested, moving to sit on the bath as well.

Lily shook her head, her chest tightening with every breath she took. She wished that Gem would just leave, she was too close to her and she was trying to get her to talk, and she couldn't breathe.

"N...N..." She tried to talk.

"What was that?" Gem asked, desperate to try and get Lily to say something.

"N...No," she whimpered, reaching out and pushing Gem straight off of the bath.

Gem let out a squeal of protest and hit the floor, her head bashing against the corner of the door. She hissed in pain and Lily stared down at what she'd done. She staggered to her feet and crouched at the teen's side, praying that she wasn't badly injured.

"I'm okay," Gem groaned, pushing herself up and giving her sore head a rub. "Lily, I'm fine!" She shouted, pushing her hand away. "I'm fine," she repeated in a soft whisper.

Lily let out a gasp and held her hands to her face. Gem gave her a gentle smile, and the two of them just sat on the bathroom floor in silence.

"Why did you push me?" Gem soon asked, once she'd got the feeling in her head back. Lily shrugged. "Course," Gem sighed, remembering that Lily wasn't going to say anything. "Did you get scared?" She asked, and Lily nodded. "Of what? Iain?"

Nothing.

"You don't have to talk to him, not if you don't want to," Gem said. "I just hate seeing my brother like this, depressed and quiet. It isn't him. And this, lashing out and refusing to talk to people, isn't like you."

A thought suddenly struck Lily. She fled the room, leaving Gem on the floor, and rushed back to her desk. She folded up the piece of paper that she'd been writing on, and scribbled 'Iain' on the front of it. She headed back into the bathroom and pushed the piece of paper into Gem's hand.

"What's this?" Gem asked. "You want me to give this to Iain?"

Lily nodded.

"Okay," Gem whispered, standing up from the floor. "Will do. I know you're hurting, Lily, so I won't tell Iain that you pushed me. It was just an accident, right? And it can be our little secret."

Lily felt thankful for that, and although she wanted to give Gem a hug, she didn't.

"I'll text you next time," Gem said. "In case I end up coming round again. Do you want anything before I leave?"

Lily shook her head, and just gestured to the note again.

"I won't forget, don't worry," Gem said. "You need to eat something though, so I will make you some toast before I go, just to make sure."

Lily nodded. She had no choice.

 **So I wasn't sure what to write here, and I wasn't sure if it was too early for anyone to have their suspicions. I think it worked out well though. Let me know what you think.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Scarlett: Thank you so much, and you're very welcome :-) x**

Chapter Ten

"I think someone hurt Lily."

Iain sighed and rolled his eyes at the sound of his sister's voice. He threw his bag into the ambulance and slammed the doors shut, before turning round to face her. She was leaning against the wall with her hands in the pockets of her hooded jacket.

"What on earth are you on about now?" He sighed.

"Lily," Gem said. "I went round to her place last night and..."

"Gemma!" Iain shouted at his younger sister. "When will you learn to keep your nose out of other peoples business?"

"Just hear me out," Gem pleaded, dragging her feet over towards the ambulance. "I did tell her that you didn't know I'd gone round. She was really freaked out though, Iain. As soon as she let me in, she screamed."

"You probably startled her," Iain stated. "Especially if she wasn't expecting the visit."

"That doesn't explain the silence though, does it?" Gem told her brother.

"Well, did you talk to her about it?" He shrugged.

Lily could have been seriously hurt, and Gem had just decided to keep quiet. It made no sense.

"No. I thought she'd be embarrassed and it isn't as if she's talking anyway, Gem said. "Besides, I wanted to get your opinion first. I thought you might want to talk to her about it."

"Well, I would," he sighed heavily, looking down at the floor with a sad look in her eyes. "But she hates me, doesn't she? She doesn't want to talk to me, Gemma. Maybe you should discuss it with Mrs Beauchamp or something."

"You don't care, do you?" Gem snapped. "I've just told you that Lily might have been hurt, and you're telling me to talk to Mrs Beauchamp instead."

"She doesn't want to talk to me!" Iain shouted. "Just leave me alone, Gemma! Have you not thought that you could be wrong, hmm? It wouldn't be the first time, would it?"

"I've been right plenty of times. Lily's patient?" Gem reminded him, hoping that he'd remember. "Yeah, the young girl with the mobile phone? You all told me to keep my nose out, but I knew more than any of you."

"That was ages ago," Iain whispered, and began to rub anxiously at the back of his neck.

"Also, Lily does want to talk to you," Gem said, pulling her scribbled note out of her pocket and shoving it into her brothers hand. "She just can't."

* * *

"Okay, we have a major RTC coming in," Connie said, as she and Lily walked through the corridor of the ED.

Although Lily wasn't currently working, Connie liked to have her in the department, so at least she felt involved. Besides, she was wanted to do everything in her power to get her to talk, and she couldn't do that when Lily was at home. Lily wasn't in her work clothes, but instead a hoodie, tracksuit bottoms, and a pair of old trainers. She didn't look like her normal self, and everyone in the ED had to look twice at her. Lily preferred the baggy clothing though, it didn't feel as rough against her injuries.

"Could you go and inform Doctor Gardner for me?" Connie then asked.

Panic immediately struck Lily and she turned to shake her head at Connie.

Connie sighed and placed a hand on her shoulder to reassure her. "Listen, Elle needs to know about this and you need to talk, so go on."

Tears stung Lily's eyes and she shook her head again, hoping that the message would get through to Connie. It didn't though. Connie gave her a gentle push forwards and she had no choice but to walk over to Elle.

"Morning Lily," Elle greeted her, a warm smile on her face to try and keep her calm. "What can I do for you?"

Lily managed to make eye contact with the consultant, but no words came out of her mouth. She was scared. What if she managed to speak, and Elle thought that she was stupid? It was possible.

She noticed Elle glance across at Connie, and she slowly turned her head to shoot a helpless look at her. Connie looked almost sorry for her, as she just stood there, shaking her head.

"Lily," Elle whispered. "Have you got something to say?"

Immediately, Lily pushed past her and fled the reception area. She ran down the corridor and up the stairs, and disappeared out of sight.

"What happened?" Connie sighed, making her way over to Elle. "I thought that she was going to say something."

"Maybe we shouldn't push her so much, Connie," Elle said. "She looked petrified."

"But I sat with her for a whole hour yesterday," Connie told her. "I was practically running my own speech therapy session for her, I was sure that sure it would have helped even a little bit."

"Right, okay!" A smile spread across Elle's face, and she threw her head back. "I went to the circus the other day, and now I'm a professional trapeze artist."

Connie pursed her lips together, and a glare crossed her face. She looked ready to kill Elle.

"Your jokes are not needed, Doctor Gardner," she said in a quiet voice. "There's an RTC coming in, so could you please help out with that? I need to go and find Lily."

"Alright," Elle whispered, taking the notes from Connie. "I'm sorry."

Connie just nodded at her and said, "I just hope she's okay," before walking away.

* * *

 _Dear Iain,_

 _Mrs Beauchamp suggested that I write down my thoughts and feelings, seeing as I'm unable to say them out loud. Even on paper though, I don't quite know what to say to you._

 _I guess I should start off by saying that I do love you, and I'm sorry if it hasn't quite come across that way. I really did want to kiss you, both times, but I couldn't. I'm sure you'd understand why, if you knew the reason, but I don't feel ready to tell you or anyone just yet._

 _I'm scared, Iain. I wish I could talk to people, but there's always this little voice at the back of my mind that's stopping me. What if I say the wrong thing? What if people don't agree with my suggestions?_

 _I don't like it when we argue, and I know that I've ruined things, so I'd understand if you don't want to forgive me._

 _I really hope that we can make things work between us, but maybe I'm just not ready for a boyfriend. Either way, I hope that we can be friends at least._

 _I'm really sorry._

 _Lily x_

 **So I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I'm going away tomorrow so wanted to update this story beforehand. Let's hope Iain and Lily manage to work things out between them.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Scarlett: I think you'll be pleased then. Enjoy :-)**

Chapter Eleven

"Lily, can I come in?"

Connie knocked on the door of the on-call room and waited patiently for an answer. She could hear the faint sound of crying, but she received no response. She sighed and knocked again, quietly so that she wouldn't frighten Lily in any way.

As she stood outside the room, Iain walked over with his hands in the pockets of his paramedic uniform. He smiled weakly at Connie and cleared his throat, whilst gesturing to the closed door. Connie just shook her head and mouthed a small 'not now' at him. Iain sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He really wanted to speak to Lily.

If Lily was upset though, he didn't want to make things any worse. He just nodded at Connie and pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket, before passing it to the clinical lead. Connie gave him a puzzled look and glanced down at Lily's name scribbled on the front. Understanding, she gave him a nod and he walked back down the stairs to go to the ambulance bay.

"Lily, I'm alone," Connie called, when he was gone.

She tried the handle and after finding that the door was actually unlocked, slowly opened it. She walked inside and saw Lily sitting on the bed in complete darkness, mobile in hand, her knees held to her chest and her head resting against the wall. Small, silent tears rolled down both sides of her face.

She quickly hid the mobile under the duvet on the bed, as soon as she saw Connie though.

"Now, what are you doing in here?" Connie asked gently.

She wasn't expecting an answer though.

"Shall I turn the light on?" She asked, deciding to give Lily the choice.

She shook her head.

Connie didn't exactly want to sit in darkness, but she also didn't want to upset Lily again. She'd already done enough. She shut the door behind her and walked over to sit on the bed beside Lily, immediately putting an arm around her shoulder to try and comfort her. Lily flinched slightly, but she didn't attempt to push her away.

"I'm sorry," Connie then apologised.

Lily's eyes widened in shock and she turned to see if she'd heard Connie correctly.

"I'm sorry," Connie repeated. "I shouldn't have tried to force you to talk, that was wrong of me. I want to help you though, Lily, just in a different way. I could get you a session with a proper speech therapist, someone who's specialised. I can arrange regular meetings with you to check on your progress, I can..."

She stopped and noticed a single tear escape from Lily's right eye.

"Sorry," she said again. "I'm moving too fast. I miss hearing that voice though, I miss the old Lily Chao, and I'm not the only one who does. I'm sure you miss her as well, right?"

Lily faintly nodded and wiped her nose on the sleeve of her jacket.

"So, surely you want to try and talk again then," Connie said. She sighed and nudged Lily's arm with the piece of paper that Iain had given to her. "Iain came by earlier, and gave this to me. Seems like my little idea of writing things down isn't such a bad one after all."

Lily managed a small smile and carefully unfolded the note, hiding it so that Connie couldn't see what he'd written.

 _Hi Lily,_

 _I hope you don't mind me writing to you, but it seemed to be the right way to go. Gem told me that she'd popped round, and I'm sorry if that made you uncomfortable, but I swear that I didn't know anything about it._

 _Anyway, she told me that she thought you might have been hurt. I don't know if that's true or not, but if it is then please try and let me in so I can help. I'll be here for you Lily, when you do eventually feel ready to talk. If something has happened though, then you need to tell someone. If talking is a real struggle, write it down just like you did for me._

 _Whatever helps._

 _Anyway, I love you and I hope that we can sort things between us._

 _Iain xx_

"So?" Connie asked, gently nudging her arm. "What does it say?"

Lily just shook her head and held the note to her chest. Tears began to roll down her cheeks again and she gasped, as a small sob escaped her mouth.

"Please don't cry," Connie said, pulling her in for a hug. "I'll make some calls, but I'd like to get you signed up for speech therapy as soon as possible. You can still have some meetings with me, but there is only so much that I can do unfortunately. Speech therapy will be fine, they don't expect you to speak, because that is what they're there for. No need to be nervous."

Lily just nodded, leaning her head back against the wall.

"Come on out anyway," Connie said, standing up. "You know that you can't stay in here forever."

Lily just looked at her, making no sign of movement at all.

"You can stay in my office," Connie suggested, holding out her hand. "And I can go and find Iain for you, if you want me to that is."

Lily just stared at Connie's hand, and a small smile appeared on her face.

* * *

"Connie said that you wanted to see me."

Lily nodded and fiddled anxiously with the sleeves of her jacket, as she sat on the sofa in Connie's office. Iain placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and sat down beside her, before talking again.

"Did you read my note?" He asked.

Lily nodded, moving her head to make eye contact.

"You can trust me, you know?" He said. "I want to help you, I...I love you."

Lily reached up and wiped a small tear away from her eye. She wanted to tell him that she felt the same way, that she hated it when they argued.

"Let's just forget what happened, alright?" Iain said. "Let's put the argument aside for the moment, and...Communicate." He almost said talk, but then thought differently. "I'm going to ask you some questions, and I just want you to nod or shake your head. Be as honest as possible and if it gets too much and you start to feel uncomfortable, just squeeze my hand. Does that sound okay?"

Lily's smile told him that she was fine with it.

"Okay," Iain whispered and took hold of her hand. "So, do you want to talk?"

Lily nodded.

"Good, well done," Iain praised. "You just find it hard to?"

Another nod.

"Are there certain situations where you find that you can talk a bit more?" He asked.

A nod.

"Right," he sighed deeply. "Well. When Gem came round, she...She was worried and she thinks that...That someone might have hurt you."

He paused.

"Are you okay?" Iain asked, before continuing his questions.

A nod, and a forced smile.

"Just let me know," Iain comforted. "Did someone hurt you?"

More hesitation. Iain waited patiently, but eventually Lily gave a slow, scared nod. Iain gulped and his heart began beating fast. He felt sick, and his vision became blurry with tears. Suddenly, he was also struggling to find his voice.

"Do you know who it was?" He asked.

She shook her head.

"And did they beat you up?" He asked.

She shook her head again.

"Okay," he whispered. "I...I'm sorry, Chuckles, but...I'm going to have to ask. Did they hurt you...Sexually at all?"

Lily held a hand to her chest and a small tear rolled down her cheek and landed on Iain's knuckles. He looked down at their entwined fingers, and gulped back a lump that was forming in her throat.

A nod.

Total silence between them.

"Does anyone know?" He questioned.

She shook her head.

"Okay, did..." Iain went to speak, but felt Lily give his hand a hard squeeze. "Alright," he whispered. "I'll stop. You did well. Good girl." Lily began to cry harder, but kept hold of Iain's hand the entire time. "It's alright, I'm here," he soothed, and started to wipe away her tears. "I'm sorry that I didn't understand, but I am never ever going to leave you again. If we have to communicate via paper, then that's fine."

Lily managed to force a smile through her tears. He was so lovely, and suddenly she felt completely comfortable with him.

"I'm not going to kiss you, not until you're ready," Iain whispered. "I can't believe that you've been going through this by yourself, Lily, but someone needs to know. Someone other than me. You don't need to tell them, but at least write to them."

Lily opened her mouth, but she ended up just shaking her head when she couldn't say anything.

"What?" Iain asked, standing up and grabbing some paper and a pen from Connie's desk. "Here. What is it?"

Lily smiled thankfully and took the stationery from him. She removed the lid from the pen and wrote something down for Iain on the paper.

 _I love you too xx_

 **This was probably my favourite chapter to write. I hope you enjoyed it and didn't feel like things happened too quickly. It just felt like the right moment for someone to find out.**

 **Also, I haven't forgot about the messages. That will be mentioned again soon.**

 **Sorry for the long wait in an update but I went to Cardiff for a couple of** **days. Crystal was on leave, BUT I met Michael Stevenson and got a photo with him so I was so happy and grateful for that! xx**


	12. Chapter 12

**casualtyfics111: Aww, thank you so much! I love writing emotional chapters. Thanks for your reviews :-)**

 **heather curtis-rich: Me too, he's literally the best. More Connie to come.**

 **Scarlett: She soon will. Enjoy!**

Chapter Twelve

"Can I get you something to eat?"

Lily slowly turned to make eye contact with Iain, and shook her head at him. She was grateful for the offer, but food was the last thing on her mind. She felt physically sick at even the thought of eating.

"Why don't you get yourself ready for bed?" Iain then suggested. "You look tired."

Lily stared at the pyjamas that sat folded up neatly on her pillow. She wanted nothing more than to change into them, and slide down under the covers, but getting dressed meant looking at the bruises that covered her stomach. They made her feel so ugly, and she wished that they'd just disappear.

"I could help you," he offered, picking up the pyjamas but then noticing the look on Lily's face. "Or you could do it by yourself, whatever makes you feel more comfortable. I won't hurt you though."

He rose a hand to give her shoulder a squeeze, but Lily's flinch told him otherwise, so he quickly put it back down at his side. He hated the fact that his girlfriend was so jumpy around him, or so he assumed that she was his girlfriend anyway. Although she hadn't wanted him to kiss her, she'd written down her feelings for him. No matter how hard it was for Iain to have a girlfriend who didn't like physical contact, he knew that it wasn't her fault and that he just needed to be patient with her.

"Why don't you do it yourself?" Iain said. "And I'll wait outside. Just open the door once you've finished, alright?"

Lily nodded gratefully at the paramedic and he slowly moved to the door. Once he'd shut the door behind him, Lily allowed her tears to fall. She glanced towards the window and stood up to go and close it. Pain shot through her, but she managed to shut and lock the window before pulling the curtains across.

Was the door to her flat locked though?

She stumbled across the room to the door, almost falling straight into Iain. She'd forgot that he was out there.

"Whoa, hey." He held out his arms to catch her, but still managed to keep himself at a distance. "I thought you were getting changed. What happened?"

Lily pushed him to one side, soon remembering how she'd pushed Gem like that as well, and hurried to her front door. Thank goodness it was locked.

"Lily, it's okay," Iain called to her, his voice calm and comforting. "No one can get in. You're safe, I promise." He was at her side in seconds. "What's the matter?" He asked, wondering how on earth she could have diverted to a mental breakdown in just five minutes.

Lily just leaned back against the door, her breathing becoming heavy. She clutched at her chest and slid down so that she was sitting on the floor with her knees to her chest.

"Ssshh, I'm here," he whispered. "Listen to my voice. You can do it, yeah?"

Iain didn't know what to do. He hadn't really dealt with panic attacks that much before, and seeing the woman he loved having one really scared him. It wasn't easy either. Lily seemed to shove him away whenever he tried to comfort her, so in the end he just had to sit beside her and talk. It seemed to help, eventually.

"Better?" Iain asked. "I'm going to get you a glass of water. Why don't you go and put your pyjamas on, and then you can try and get some sleep? When you wake up, I think we need to think about how we're going to tell Connie."

Lily didn't want to tell anyone else.

Telling Iain had been bad enough, and look at where that had got her. However, now that Iain knew she realised that she couldn't keep it to herself forever.

* * *

"Okay. Doctor Hardy and Doctor Munroe, I want the two of you in cubicles today please."

Ethan and Alicia both nodded at Connie, and waited until the meeting was finished. No one really enjoyed the usual meetings, especially because they were so early in the morning, but they were needed unfortunately and they couldn't do anything about that.

"Are you with Lily today?" Elle questioned the clinical lead.

"Most likely," Connie sighed. "I need to make a few calls. We're getting her some proper speech therapy."

She said the last part in a whisper, so that no one could hear her.

"Well, that's good news," Charlie said. "Isn't it?"

"I think so," Connie said, forcing a smile. "But Lily didn't seem too keen on the idea."

"How do you know?" Elle asked her. "She isn't saying anything."

Connie just glared across at the consultant and mumbled, "Not funny." She turned back to address her staff, and her tune changed immediately. Anything to stop them from questioning the mental state of their colleague. "Right. Let's try and have a good day then, please."

She turned round with a pile of notes in her hand, and came face to face with Iain and Lily.

"Okay, you can come with me to my office," Connie said to Lily, not expecting a reply from her at all. "Iain, I know you're worried about her but I need you to stay focused on your job today."

She wondered if he'd stayed over at all, but then she also wondered if he'd managed to get Lily to talk. However, she didn't question anything.

"Lily has something for you," Iain whispered. "I think you ought to see it."

"What?" Connie frowned at him.

Lily just slowly removed her hand from her pocket and handed Connie a folded up piece of paper.

 **So I really struggled to write this chapter, but I hope you liked it. Someone will soon find out about the messages, Gem will also have another scene, and there will be another Connie and Lily scene. There will also be another Iain and Lily scene.**

 **Thanks for reading x**


	13. Chapter 13

**casualtyfics111: Thank you! You'll see Connie in this chapter.**

 **Scarlett: Do you really think so? Personally, I don't agree, haha.**

Chapter Thirteen

Connie let out a small gasp, as she slowly and gently lifted the back of Lily's t-shirt. Lily tensed up and her eyes diverted to the hooded jacket that she'd been forced to take off. She felt Connie's cold skin touch hers, and a small whimper escaped her mouth.

"It's okay," Connie soothed, immediately noticing Lily's change in behaviour. "Keep still."

Lily shook her head, small tears forming in her eyes. A lump caught in her throat, and she let out a loud sob, feeling completely embarrassed for getting so emotional. Connie rubbed her shoulder and carefully pressed her fingers against one of Lily's bruises.

"Does that hurt?" She asked.

All Lily could do was nod. Connie had to say that she was impressed, although she felt awful considering the circumstances, but she had no idea how Lily was able to keep up constant silence for so long.

It wasn't just Lily who she was impressed with though. She was also impressed with Iain's actions, as well as proud. He hadn't forced Lily to talk, but instead had come up with a strategy to get her to tell him everything.

Lastly, she was impressed with Gem for realising what had happened when no one else had.

"Stay nice and still for me," Connie whispered, glancing across at Charlie who was stood by the door, and she began to feel around Lily's stomach. "There's quite a lot of bruising around the stomach area," she informed the nurse. "And..."

She didn't get to finish as Lily suddenly let out a scream and pulled her body away from her. Usually, Connie wouldn't accept that kind of behaviour from any of her patients, especially Lily because she was supposed to know better, but she was scared for obvious reasons. Connie was still finding it hard to process what had happened.

"Lily, calm down," Charlie tried to comfort her, but stopped when he saw Connie do a subtle shake of the head at him.

"Lily, listen to me," Connie whispered. "Listen to my voice. I know it's uncomfortable, and sore, and scary, but I need to examine your injuries. I'm trying my best to be careful and I hate it just as much, trust me, but it needs doing."

Lily hung her head and held her hands to her face, her legs shaking below her.

"Hey," Connie said. "Have you got any earphones with you? You can sit on the bed and listen to music whilst I examine you, hmm? It might be a good distraction and you won't have to think about what I'm doing then."

Lily shook her head.

"Okay," Connie said. "Charlie, go into my office and my iPod should be in my top drawer. I often use it to go running so it's normally fully charged, bring it back here for me."

Charlie nodded, smiling at how well Connie was dealing with the situation, and left to go and retrieve her iPod.

"Okay, now I won't do anything until those earphones are in your ears," Connie said, as Lily slowly made her way back over to the bed. "Grace is absolutely terrified of needles, so everytime she had to have a blood test or an injection she'd listen to her music. It always helped, so I know what I'm talking about."

Lily managed a small smile, and Charlie soon entered the room again with Connie's iPod in hand.

"Thanks Charlie," Connie said. "Listen, could you go and get Doctor Gardner for me as well? Thank you."

When Charlie had left, Connie passed the iPod to Lily, who seemed a lot more relaxed than earlier.

"Now, you might not enjoy my music taste but it's better than nothing," she joked. "Lay down on the bed for me."

Lily stuck the earphones into her ears and scrolled through the list of songs, deciding on 'Black Magic by Little Mix.' She turned the music up and glanced at Connie cautiously out the corner of her eye.

"Little Mix, eh?" Connie said, taking a peek at the song choice. "That's only on there for Grace, although I do quite enjoy their music myself." She lifted Lily's shirt and pressed down gently on her stomach. "Are you going to have a go at talking to me?"

Lily shrugged her shoulders but just as she did, she whispered, "I don't know."

Connie was surprised at the sound of Lily's voice, but she didn't want to seem as if she was making a big deal out of it. Lily seemed completely distracted by the music, and maybe that was why she'd spoken. Maybe she hadn't even heard herself.

"Really?" She just asked instead. "What are you listening to now?"

"Ed Sheeran," Lily answered, showing the screen of the iPod to Connie. "I love this song. Iain and I often talked about seeing him live, but we could never get tickets."

"He is popular," Connie said. "Are you and Iain in a relationship now?"

Lily tensed up at the feel of Connie's hands, and squeezed her eyes shut. She tried to focus on the lyrics of the song instead, whilst telling herself that it was just Connie. She could trust Connie, right?

"I think so," Lily said. "Please, stop," she whined.

"I'm sorry, Lily," Connie apologised quietly, and held her hands up. "Is it uncomfortable?" Lily nodded, her lip wobbling as tears rolled down her cheeks. "I will need to carry on, I'm afraid. Come on, you're doing well so far."

Lily held a hand to her face, her tears falling harder and harder. She just wanted to go home and pretend that nothing had even happened. She wanted to be on her own, and Connie wasn't allowing that.

"Here," Connie whispered, handing her a tissue. "Just let me continue, yeah? It'll be over soon. Just talk to me, about you and Iain. You said that you were in a relationship."

"I'm not sure," Lily sobbed, as she dabbed at her eyes with the tissue. "We both feel the same way, but I'm just nervous about...Contact."

"He's not going to hurt you, he's a good guy," Connie reassured her, as she had another gentle feel around Lily's stomach. "Your fears are understandable, but I think he could be good for you." Lily nodded, and flinched as Connie touched a particular uncomfortable spot. "Alright. I've just about finished, so well done. You can turn the music off now."

"No," Lily whispered, shaking her head and gripping the iPod tightly.

"Okay," Connie said. "We're going to have to call the police regarding this, and you will need to have a thorough rape examination done on the sexual health ward."

"Will I have to talk to anyone?" Lily whispered in a croaky voice.

"The police will need a statement," Connie whispered back. "I'll explain the situation to them though, don't worry. Now, did you take any protection after it happened Lily, the morning after pill or anything like that?"

Lily shook her head, her voice fading away slowly again. She felt sick.

"Then we're going to have to do a pregnancy test as well," Connie said. "It's just a precaution, you know that. Well done though, you've been really brave and I am very proud of you."

Elle walked into the room then, shooting Lily a comforting smile before moving to stand at Connie's side.

Lily didn't even return the smile. Her song finished, and she went quiet again.

* * *

"Coffee to go," Iain sighed deeply, throwing the correct amount of change onto the counter in front of Gem.

Gem nodded and scooped up the money, before making her brother a cup. She knew the exact way that he had it already, so didn't need to ask, but his facial expressions did concern her and she could tell that there was something wrong.

"What happened?" She asked him.

"I came to apologise," he said to her.

"Why?" Gem frowned.

"You were right," he sighed, and wiped away an escaped tear quickly. "Lily's been hurt."

Gem gulped nervously and quietly asked, "what happened?"

"Sexual assault." Iain shrugged, and more tears started to fall. "Sorry. Mrs Beauchamp's currently examining her, and we don't know who it was, but..."

"Did she tell you this?" Gem questioned.

"Well, I asked her," Iain said. "She nodded. I just can't believe we never even noticed it."

"She'll be okay," Gem whispered.

"I love her, Gemma," Iain said. "I want to be with her, but some horrible, nasty, messed up man has gone and raped her! Lily's never going to get over this, she's never going to be able to look at another man again! I'm telling you Gem, that if I find out the name of this guy, I'm going to kill him."

 **I found this chapter extremely difficult to write, especially the scene between Lily and Connie. I hope you enjoyed it though, and there'll be more to come.**

 **So very quickly, I have edited this story and ditched the cyberbullying storyline. You're probably asking why! Reason being was because I was really struggling with these past couple of chapters, and it felt as if too much was going on at once. I had the assault, the mutism, and the cyberbullying.**

 **After editing and reading back though, I feel a bit happier with the story, so I hope you're not too disappointed.**

 **I was also struggling with people finding out about the messages, and wasn't exactly sure how I was going to tie that into the story.**

 **I didn't actually have to change that much at all, so it should all flow and be the exact same as before, just minus the messages. I hope you enjoyed the chapter anyway, and I'll update when I can x**


	14. Chapter 14

**Bonnie Sveen Fan: Me too, she's so good to her. Black Magic is a great song. You'll find out in this chapter. Thanks so much for such a lovely review :-)**

 **Scarlett: Thank you! Oh my gosh, this comment almost made me cry! I love writing, but I honestly don't think much of my work. Yes, I loved the storyline and I might write it as a separate story at some point but it just wasn't working for this one. There will be more Connie and Lily scenes, I'm glad you're enjoying them.**

Chapter Fourteen

"How is she?"

Connie looked up from her stack of notes to see that Elle was standing beside her. She wasn't sure how long she'd been there for, but it felt good to see her. She needed a friend, a close colleague, and someone to talk to. She was trying to stay strong, but she felt so close to breaking down into floods of tears.

"Charlie said that she'd been assaulted," Elle said, her voice soft and sad. "I won't say anymore."

"Just keep your voice down," Connie warned, stuffing her hand into the pocket of her black trousers. "She wrote this for me. Iain helped her."

Elle took the piece of paper from Connie and unfolded it.

 _Mrs Beauchamp,_

 _Iain got me to write down my feelings, just like you'd suggested I do for him. I hate to admit it but it does help. Anyway, I know that you all think I'm totally crazy because I won't talk, but there is a reason._

 _I'm scared. Something happened to me and I guess I'm scared to talk in case I end up telling someone. I wasn't supposed to tell anyone, but I've now ruined that because Iain knows. He's told me that you need to know as well though, because if you do, then it'll be for the best. Apparently._

 _I was raped._

 _I'm sorry._

 _Lily x_

"Oh my god," Elle sighed, shaking her head at the note in her hand. "Why is she sorry?"

"I don't know." Connie weakly shrugged her shoulders. "She probably blames herself, doesn't she? Poor thing. She's currently sitting in my office with Iain, but I need to take her upstairs for a rape kit. I checked Lily over briefly, contacted the ward, and they've agreed to see her."

"Is Iain staying with her?" Elle questioned.

"No." Connie shook her head. "And I know that it seems unfair, but Lily is going to be poked and prodded, and he really will not be the best person to support her. I'll be there anyway, and I'll probably have a little chat with Robyn to see if she'd mind coming. Lily needs a female friend right now, not her boyfriend."

"Boyfriend, eh?" Elle sighed. "I never would have thought that Lily and Iain would become an item."

"Neither would I," Connie said, a small smile appearing on her face. "But they do suit each other."

"In a weird way," Elle said. "Sort of like chips and gravy. They shouldn't go together but they do."

"Just don't say anything to anyone, alright?" Connie said quietly. "I'd appreciate it." Elle nodded, and Connie knew that she'd stick to her word. "Do you know where Robyn is at all?"

"Try cubicles," Elle said. "I think Ethan needed her help with something."

Connie thanked her and walked away to cubicles in search of Robyn. It wasn't hard to find her, and Robyn's stomach twisted in knots as soon as Connie asked to speak to her. She was nervous, scared that she'd done something wrong.

"Is everything okay, Mrs Beauchamp?" Robyn asked, as the two of them exited cubicles and made their way towards Connie's office.

"I really need your help with something, Robyn," Connie said gently, not only known how sensitive Robyn was but how close she'd become with Lily over the past few years. "Look, Lily is...Not severely injured but..."

"What's happened to Lily?" Robyn interrupted straight away. "Mrs Beauchamp, tell me."

"She was raped," Connie whispered, taking hold of the door handle. Tears formed in Robyn's eyes and her chest slowly started to rise up and down. "I know it's upsetting, but think about how Lily must be feeling. She's not been talking, has she?"

"Why...Why did you decide to tell me this?" Robyn choked up. "Does anyone else know?"

"Charlie, Doctor Gardner, and Iain," Connie said. "Don't mention it to anyone, okay? Lily needs to be taken upstairs for a thorough examination though, and you're a kind and gentle person, so I thought that you could come and offer her a little bit of comfort."

"I...I can try," Robyn stuttered.

She wasn't used to seeing Connie as a nice and caring person. She had her moments, but not always. She seemed almost scared this time though, and extremely upset as well.

She followed her inside and saw Lily and Iain sitting on the sofa side by side. Lily looked so different; so small and childlike. She wiped away her tears and forced a smile for her though, before walking over.

"Hi Lily," she whispered, and sat down. "I'm going to come with you, okay?"

"Can I come?" Iain asked, looking across at Connie.

"No." Connie shook her head and crossed her arms. "I'm sorry, Iain. It's not going to be very nice for Lily though, and...It just needs to be women."

Iain nodded. He felt hurt and disappointed, but he understood. He just wanted his girlfriend to be safe.

* * *

"Come here," Robyn spoke gently, and offered a kind hand out to Lily.

Lily avoided eye contact with the nurse, but didn't hesitate to accept the offer. She squeezed her hand and sniffed, whilst looking across at Connie who was stood at the other side of her.

"Okay, Lily," Christine said.

She was a doctor with a kind smile, but she was strict and liked everything to be done very thoroughly, so Lily still didn't feel very comfortable. She was scared, and she hated being the patient. She just wanted to get back to work.

"Now. Do you still have the clothes that you were wearing that night?" She asked gently, and Lily faintly nodded her head. "The police will need to see them, alright? They will also need anything that you might have had on you at the time, so maybe your phone and purse. I assume that they've been contacted."

"Um...Not yet," Connie answered. "I thought it was best to get this sorted first."

"Of course," Christine sighed. "But they should have been contacted by now, and this exam should have been done a lot sooner."

"She's only just told us," Connie hissed, realising that they were saying all of this with Lily in the room. "Sorry, Lily. This isn't your fault, alright?"

"Of course it isn't," Christine added with a sigh. "And you should never think that either, okay? Now, I'm going to take a few tests, so a pregnancy test and a test for any STI's as well. Nothing to worry about, just precaution."

Robyn took a deep breath, and felt Lily tighten her grip.

"I'm going to take some samples, and they will need to be sent off for investigation," Christine finished off.

Tears trickled down Lily's cheeks and she began to struggle with her breathing.

"When I was inspecting her bruises, I allowed her to listen to music," Connie said. "Would that be allowed at all?"

"I'm afraid not," Christine sighed. "I appreciate that it can be a good distraction, but I will need Lily to hear what I'm saying and I will need her full focus and attention. I'm sorry."

Connie nodded sympathetically. Lily's grip on Robyn's hand tightened even more, and she held her free hand to her chest. Robyn stood up and took hold of her other hand, standing right in front of Lily so that she could make eye contact with her.

"Hey," the red-head whispered, and removed a sweaty strand of hair out of Lily's face. "Look at me. You're fine, alright? I'm here. Listen, you don't need music. Connie's playlist can't be very good anyway, can it? I'll talk to you, and you don't even need to talk to me. You can just listen. It'll be over before you know it."

Lily's tears slowly subsided and she let go of Robyn's hand and dug her fingernails into her trousers.

"You'll be alright," Robyn comforted. "You're Lily Chao, right?"

Lily nodded and Robyn placed one arm around her. Lily had her arms around her neck and was clinging to her before she knew it, crying silently into her shoulder. Robyn held back the lump in her throat and hugged Lily tightly, allowing her to cry for as long as she needed to.

"So, shall we do this then?" Robyn asked, looking at Connie and Christine briefly before pulling away and holding Lily at arms length.

She wasn't expecting an answer, but Lily did manage a very weak nod.

 **This chapter has taken me all day to write. It was upsetting and hard, because I wanted to get everything right. It's a very sensitive subject so I made sure to do a bit of research.**

 **I hope you liked it, and I hope Robyn was a good choice.**

 **Thank you to "casualtyfics111" who helped me out with some research.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Scarlett: Thank you so much. I love reading your comments, and I'm glad you thought that Robyn was a good choice for the scene :-)**

Chapter Fifteen

It was two o'clock, by the time they'd finished examining Lily. Iain hadn't been able to focus on his job at all, knowing that she was up there feeling terrified, so he was pleased to see her when she eventually returned to the ED with Connie and Robyn. She looked pleased to see him too, and she managed to give him a small hug, despite the tears and her shaking body.

It was progress anyway.

Robyn made sure that Lily was okay and updated Iain with everything, before heading back to work. In all honesty, she wasn't sure if she could work. Supporting Lily had been so terrifying, so upsetting, and she hated the fact that her colleague and friend was going through something so awful.

"Noel, can you contact the police for me?" Connie ordered the receptionist, walking up to the desk. "I'm going for lunch but I'll have my phone on me. Give me a ring when they arrive please."

"On it, boss!" Noel said, a little too enthusiastically, and picked up the phone.

Connie turned to Lily who was standing nearby, her body leaning against Iain.

"Come with me," Connie whispered, and gestured for them to follow her. "Lily, come here," she said, holding her arm out, as they entered the cafeteria.

They stopped outside and Connie gently placed her hands on her shoulders. "Well done, okay?" She added, as Lily cautiously agreed to the hug. "Listen. Noel is contacting the police so they'll most likely want to come and see you later. I'm sorry, I know today has been scary and a lot has happened, but it'll be over soon."

"She's right, Lily," Iain said, giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze. "And you have an incredibly proud boyfriend right now."

Lily smiled weakly and wiped away a few tears.

"Let's get some lunch," Connie said. "You must be starving. What do you fancy? I'll treat you."

Lily just shook her head though.

"You need to eat something, even if it's just a sandwich," Connie said with a sigh. "Tell you what. Why don't you and Iain go and sit down and spend a bit of time with each other?" She smiled across at Iain and added, "I'll bring something over."

She nodded at Iain, who nodded back, and walked with Lily to a table near the window. Lily stayed silent the entire time, until they were seated.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"What?" Iain cleared his throat and leaned in closer. "Why are you sorry?"

"Everything. You can't have a girlfriend who feels terrified every time you touch her," she kept her voice quiet, and Iain could just about hear what she was saying. "I just want to go home. Can't I talk to the police another time?"

"Okay. Number one," Iain said. "I love you, and I don't mind if we have to keep things quiet for a while. I just want you to be comfortable. And number two, I know a lot has happened today and that you're tired and scared, but you need to talk to the police as soon as possible."

"What if I don't even want to report it?" Lily asked.

"Now, you know that's not a good idea," Iain said. "What if he hurts you again, or someone else? Do you know anything about this man, Lily? It might help them find him sooner."

He reached across and held her hand, and she faintly nodded. She remembered his features and she could picture them so vividly.

"A few things," Lily whispered.

"Okay," Iain whispered back, and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "It's really good to hear your voice, Chuckles. Well done."

Lily just managed a small smile and nodded her head at him, as Connie made her way over with a tray. On the tray was a coffee, two glasses of coke, and three mega big slices of chocolate cake.

"I thought that we could do with a treat," Connie said, handing Lily and Iain a fork each. "Tuck in."

"Thanks, Mrs Beauchamp," Iain said, nudging Lily's arm. "Come on, you know that you can't resist chocolate cake."

"You don't have to eat it all," Connie said gently and sat down on the other side of her. She knew that Lily was feeling anxious about talking to the police. "But you still need something in you, even if it's just a mouthful."

Lily nodded, and stabbed at her piece of cake with her fork. She took a tiny mouthful and smiled, licking the chocolatey goodness away from her lips. She had to admit that it did taste good.

"So, it went okay earlier?" Iain asked.

"Lily did well," Connie said. "And Robyn was great help, wasn't she?"

Lily didn't say anything, but just continued to eat her slab of chocolate cake in silence.

"She can stay with me and Gem tonight," Iain said, looking across at Lily with a pair of sad eyes. "I don't mind. She shouldn't be alone though."

"Are you okay with that, Lily?" Connie asked.

She trusted Iain, and she knew that Lily would be comfortable at his flat with him and Gem. She just wanted to double check with her first though, before agreeing to anything. She didn't receive a verbal answer, but she did nod, which was good enough for them both.

* * *

"If you could try and include as much information as possible."

Her name was P.C Kendall. She had short blonde hair, glasses, and a smile that anybody was able to trust. She'd had to take Lily to the police station so that she was able to give a written statement on everything that had happened. Connie and Iain had gone along to accompany her, sensing that she was beginning to feel overwhelmed and anxious because of the day she'd had.

She'd been examined by Connie, she'd had to have a rape kit done which had taken at least four hours, and now she was having to give a statement to the police and relive the whole assault. Luckily, the police understood how vulnerable and scared Lily was, so an interview wasn't necessary. Just as long as they had every single detail on paper.

Connie and Iain sat either side of Lily, as she wrote, whilst P.C Kendall sat on the opposite side of the desk.

"So, he has a skull and crossbones tattoo?" P.C Kendall checked with her. "And an earring in his eyebrow?"

Lily faintly nodded, her hands in her lap.

"Then it shouldn't be that hard to find him," P.C Kendall said, as she checked through the statement that Lily had written. "And we have the samples for investigation as well. Thank you, Lily. It says you were walking home from work, is that correct?"

Lily nodded again.

"Okay," P.C Kendall said. "Thank you. This will help us immensely. Have you got somewhere to stay tonight, Lily?"

Lily looked across at Iain and nodded, a small smile on her face. She was glad that it was over, and that she hadn't needed to talk to anyone either. A sense of relief washed over her, as she stood up from the table.

"We'll let you know if there's any news," P.C Kendall then said. "Thanks for coming in today."

"Are you alright?" Iain asked, hugging Lily gently.

He was surprised, when she hesitantly accepted the hug and nodded against his chest.

"Come on," he sighed, gently stroking at her hair. "Let's go home."

 **Thank you to everyone who's been reading. Currently sat here, writing an emotional chapter and listening to No One But You from the musical We Will Rock You, haha. I'm surprised I'm not in tears. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and I'll try and update soon.**

 **A huge Lily and Iain chapter next :-)**


	16. Chapter 16

**casualtyfics111: Thanks so much. Glad you're enjoying the story, lots of Lily and Iain in this chapter :-)**

 **Scarlett: Thank you, I feel it's important to show how it can affect other people as well. I did write a story about Jac and Zosia once, but because I hadn't been watching Holby City for that long I kept getting stuck so did actually delete it. However, a one-shot is a very good idea and I won't need to worry about updating it. I will definitely give that a go, as those two are my favourites from Holby. Thank you :-)**

Chapter Sixteen

"What will you do if Lily turns out to be pregnant?"

Iain and Gem were sat on the sofa side by side, tucking into a pizza that they'd just ordered. They hadn't long been home, and Lily had changed into a pair of Gem's pyjamas before going straight to bed. It had been a long day for her, and she looked absolutely exhausted, so Iain wanted to make sure that she got a decent nights sleep.

"Just support her, I guess," Iain whispered, a string of cheese hanging from his mouth. "What can I do?"

"But she'll be your girlfriend, and it won't be your baby," Gem pointed out.

"I know," he sighed. "But it won't be Lily's fault, will it?"

"No," Gem said in a quiet voice. "When will she get the results?"

"Hopefully within a few days," Iain told her. "That's not Lily's biggest worry though. She was raped, Gemma. She's going to feel awful, and scared that he might find her."

"How was it today?" Gem asked.

Feeling full, she pushed the pizza box away from her.

"Upsetting," Iain said. "I wasn't allowed to go with her for the rape kit, and...It crushed me. She needed me, Gem."

"She needed a female," Gem said. "When I was at school, a girl in my class got raped. Her er best friend was this boy called Cameron. No one would let him go to the hospital with her though, it had to be one of the girls. It was just to make Lily feel more comfortable. She may love you, Iain, but she wouldn't have felt comfortable with you there. You need to understand that."

"I know," Iain whispered, running a hand through his hair. "I just can't believe that this is happening to her."

"Has she spoken much?" Gem asked.

"Not much," Iain said. "She chooses her moments, like she'll only speak if she feels comfortable. She speaks to people who she can trust, but she won't speak to more than one person at once. She spoke to me quite well earlier, but when Mrs Beauchamp came to join us, she stopped. It's basically selective mutism, she'll only talk in certain situations."

"I don't really get that," Gem said. "Like, why can't she just talk? She obviously can."

"It's hard to explain, Gem," Iain said. "I don't even understand it that well, but it's basically a form of anxiety. Something awful has happened to her, and choosing when to talk is her only way of feeling in control."

Gem nodded and said, "right."

They both jumped and Iain dropped his pizza, as a loud scream echoed throughout the flat. The people downstairs must have heard it, and although they complained at even the slightest noise, Iain didn't care. He leapt to his feet and placed a hand on Gem's shoulder, before pushing the door open to his bedroom.

Lily was throwing herself around in bed, her eyes shut, screams and sobs escaping her mouth as if she had no control of it.

"Lily!" Iain shouted and threw himself onto the bed, to try and wake her up. "Lily, it's me, it's Iain. Come on Chuckles, wake up."

Gem appeared in the doorway then, watching on as Iain attempted to shake Lily awake. She gulped and held back the lump in her throat, whilst wiping away a small tear that had escaped. Shaking her head and unable to take anymore, she walked away and shut herself in her bedroom.

"Come on, Lily," Iain whispered, rubbing small circles up and down her back. "Come on, gorgeous."

Lily screamed and her eyes snapped open. Her whole body was shaking uncontrollably and she was beginning to hyperventilate.

"Ssshh, it's alright," he soothed. "It was just a bad dream. You're safe."

She stopped screaming, but she was still crying and struggling to breathe.

"It's okay," he continued to comfort her, his hands on her arms. "It's alright, beautiful. Don't be scared. I'm here, I've got you."

Iain's words seemed to calm her, and her breathing soon returned to normal. She was still crying though, and her eyes shone with tears as she just stared at Iain helplessly.

"Come on, don't be scared," Iain said, climbing under the duvet beside her. "I've got you. Do you want to talk about it?"

Lily shook her head and sniffed, her eyes on the window.

"That's alright," Iain said. "Do you want me to stay?"

Lily nodded, her tears continuing to fall. Iain had never seen her look so scared, so vulnerable, and it brought tears to his own eyes. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder, rested her head against his, and gently rubbed her arm with the tip of his thumb.

Surprisingly, Lily didn't even flinch.

* * *

"Where were you yesterday then?" Louise asked, catching up to Iain as he began to make his way back towards the ambulance bay. "Jez had to deal with most cases by himself."

"I just had some things to take care of, Louise," Iain whispered. "It's none of your business, alright?"

"Were you with Lily?" She asked. "Look, I don't like the way she's treating you and I'm not just saying that because of what Lily did to Alicia that time. You seemed really upset the other day."

"Now, what's that supposed to mean?" Iain frowned at her.

"It's obvious that you like her," Louise said.

"Of course, I like her," Iain said. "I love her and I'm not ashamed to admit that, and she loves me."

"But has she actually said that to you?" Louise questioned him. "Because she's barely said a word this week. Do you really want a girlfriend who can't trust you enough to tell you things?"

"Listen up, Louise," Iain said, shaking his head at her, unable to take in what she was actually saying. "You don't know the first thing about what's going on with Lily, so just stay out of it alright? I love her and I always will, so just back off."

He shoved past her and stormed off. He didn't know where he was going at first, maybe in search of Lily, but he knew that he needed to calm himself down before getting back to work. He didn't know what to do. He felt like he couldn't properly focus on his job because of what was going on with Lily, but he was going to get himself fired if he took anymore time out.

He was pleased to find Connie at the reception desk.

"Is everything alright, Iain?" Connie asked, obviously noticing the anger in his eyes.

"Fine." He gulped, deciding not to mention the conversation that he'd had with Louise. "Where's Lily?"

"In my office," Connie said. "Bad night last night?"

"Did she tell you that?" He whispered.

"No." Connie shook her head. "But she's been on the verge of tears, and she looks absolutely exhausted."

"Yeah." Iain nodded. "She had a nightmare, and she couldn't get back to sleep afterwards."

"Okay." Connie nodded back. "Well, you'd be pleased to know that her pregnancy test results came back as negative, so that's some good news right?"

Iain nodded, a small smile on his face.

"She did well yesterday, I'm proud of her," Iain mentioned, as Connie began to flick through a set of notes. "But...She's still not talking well, is she?"

"I've contacted a specialised speech therapist," Connie said. "And she should be free to see Lily during an evening next week. I'm going to try and help her as well though, Iain. I have an idea that I think might work, so I'll try and have a chat with her when she's feeling up to it."

"Alright," Iain said. "And the police? Have they been in touch at all?"

"Lily only saw them yesterday," Connie said. "I know it's annoying and scary, but it's going to take a while. They need to see the samples that were taken, look into Lily's statement, and run a thorough investigation. It isn't something that can be sorted straight away, but I'm sure that they'll get in touch with some news as soon as they have some."

"Right, sorry," Iain apologised. "I'm just anxious, that's all."

"We all are," Connie told him. "But just sit tight."

"Yeah, of course," Iain sighed. "No one knows what's happened yet, do they?"

"We need to keep things settled for Lily," Connie said. "But I will tell them, in time."

"And is there anything that I need to do at all?" Iain asked her.

"You're doing a brilliant job, Iain," Connie praised him. "Lily's lucky, so just continue to be there for her. Alright?"

"Sure," Iain agreed. "Thank you, Mrs Beauchamp."

He was about to walk away, when Connie called him back.

"If you need to talk at all, then you know where I am," Connie said. "It isn't just Lily who's affected. We all are, especially you, and that's understandable. If you need a chat, then please, talk to someone."

 **I hope you enjoyed the chapter, along with the small Lily and Iain scene x**


	17. Chapter 17

**Bonnie Sveen Fan: I don't know if you saw it, but I mentioned in Chapter 16 that the pregnancy test was negative.**

 **MrsWhovian: Thanks so much! More to come :-)**

 **Lauren: Thank you and I will do. I have a Lily and Connie scene planned.**

Chapter Seventeen

As soon as Lily walked into reception, everyone turned to stare at her. She knew that she was now the freak of the ED, the weird one who refused to talk. No one needed to tell her that.

Robyn was the first one to walk over to her, and she gently placed a comforting hand on Lily's shoulder. Of course, Robyn was aware of the circumstances. Lily flinched a little and pushed her hand away, but she did give her a small smile, so that Robyn didn't think she was being rude. During the past week, where she'd felt unable to say a single word, she'd learnt to express herself by facial expressions and body movement.

Lily couldn't help but feel overwhelmed. Everything had happened so quickly, and although she was pleased that people now knew about the assault, she also wished that she'd been able to keep it hidden for just a little while longer. Iain was good at getting the truth out of her though, but maybe that was what made him a good boyfriend, and it would have been unfair to ask him to keep it from Connie.

"Are you okay?" Iain asked, walking over and giving Lily's hair a gentle stroke.

"Yeah! Are you alright there, Lily?" Cal nodded across at her.

"Don't be ridiculous, you know she's not going to talk," Louise spat, as if the two of them had planned the entire sketch.

"Guys, shut up," Robyn hissed, just as Connie walked past with a pile of paperwork. "She can't help it."

"Unless she's actually lost her voice, I'm pretty sure she can help it," Louise laughed to herself. "You're not actually fooling for this, are you Robyn?"

Iain wrapped an arm around Lily, sighing heavily as Louise continued to talk about her. He was about to step in and defend her, when Connie beat him to it. He felt bad but Lily gave his hand a squeeze, silently telling him that his presence was more than enough.

"Staff Nurse Tyler, I suggest that you be quiet immediately!" Connie snapped.

"We're a registrar down, Mrs Beauchamp," Louise said, folding her arms across her chest. "We certainly can't have one who refuses to talk."

"Enough!" Connie shouted, a lot louder this time.

"You have no idea what she's going through, Louise," Robyn defended.

Lily slowly held a hand to her chest, and Iain gave her arm a squeeze.

"Robyn, stop," he whispered, as he sensed Lily's body tense up.

"No, she can't talk to her like that," Robyn yelled. "Alicia can forgive Lily, so why can't you Louise? She never even did anything to hurt you."

"But she does this all the time," Louise argued. "She bullied Alicia out of a job..."

"Which she returned to!" Robyn finished for her.

"Robyn, stop," Connie calmed the red-head.

She could tell where this was going, and Lily looked as if she was on the verge of a panic attack. Everyone needed to just calm down, before things exploded and got out of control.

"But now she thinks that everyone can just forget about it and move on?" Louise asked. "And she thinks that she can go and play the victim card, when there is actually nothing wrong with her. She needs to grow up!"

"She was raped!" Robyn shouted.

Time then seemed to stop. Heads turned to stare at Robyn, as if she'd just said the worse thing in the world. Louise's arms dropped to her side, Connie held a hand to her head, Iain pursed his lips together and threw his head back in anger, and thick, salty tears filled Lily's eyes with no warning at all.

"Lily," Connie was the first one to talk. "Why don't we go to my office, come on?"

Lily just pushed Iain to one side at that point, and fled reception alone. Of course she would, neither Iain nor Connie could blame her. Robyn had gone and blurted out the fact that she'd been raped, so of course she wasn't going to stand around and wait to hear what people had to say. Iain felt terrible, and knew that he should have dragged Robyn away as soon as she'd started arguing with Louise. As Connie went to go after her, Iain put a hand up.

"I'll go," he offered in a quiet voice, before walking off in the direction that Lily had gone.

It was the least that he could do.

"I'm sorry," he heard Robyn whisper as he left, and wondered if Connie would take her to the office for a lecture.

Anxiety hit him when he found out that Lily had most likely gone into the girls bathroom. Lily needed him though and she obviously had no intention of coming out of her hiding place. Taking a deep breath, Iain ignored the sign on the door and went straight on in. He could hear the muffled sound of crying, and he thanked God that no one else was in the bathroom.

"Chuckles," he called, quietly shutting the door behind him. "Look. Are you going to come out, or are you going to make me stand in the middle of the girls bathroom?"

He received no answer. He slowly walked over to the cubicle that was nearest the door and gave it a gentle poke with his finger. It slowly swung open to reveal Lily sitting on the closed toilet seat with tears streaming down her face. Her knees were hugged to her chest, and her arms were marked with scratches.

"Hey," he whispered. "Do you want to talk?"

Lily just shook her head, and began to bite on her fingernails.

"Alright. That's fine." Iain nodded. "I won't force you to talk, not if you don't want to. Robyn's really sorry though, I heard her apologise to Connie. She was just angry at Louise though Lily, she was defending you."

Lily said nothing, and just allowed her tears to fall.

"Maybe it's best for everyone to know, eh?" He sighed, walking into the cubicle and crouching down on the floor in front of her. He gently placed his hands on her knees and whispered, "they would have found out eventually."

Lily shrugged her shoulders. That wasn't the point. She wasn't ready and besides, it was the way that they had found out.

"One of my all time favourite songs is called All Of Me by John Legend," Iain said randomly. "And one of my favourite lyrics is even though you're crying, you're beautiful too."

He smiled weakly and he reached up to wipe a tear from the side of Lily's face.

"I'm so proud of you," he whispered. "And I don't want you to let something like this get to you. No one is going to be angry, and no one is going to judge you either. Louise can be nice when she wants to be."

He still didn't receive an answer from her.

"Don't worry though," he whispered. "We can stay in here for as long as you need to."

* * *

"Doctor Gardner!" Connie shouted, as she crossed reception.

Robyn and Louise hovered behind the clinical lead, anxiously waiting for Connie to drag them to the office to give them a lecture. Lily hadn't returned, and neither had Iain, so they only hoped that he'd found her.

"What's going on here then?" Elle asked, looking past Connie to where Robyn and Louise were stood.

"Nothing for you to worry about," Connie sighed, shaking her head. "I just need to have a little chat with the two of them. Right. That Frankie Burgess who was admitted a few days ago, do you remember him?"

"I do," Elle said. "He was a bit awkward, wasn't he?"

"Well, he has actually put a complaint in about Lily," Connie whispered. "So we're going to need to sort that out. Could you look into it for me?"

"Yes, of course," Elle said, feeling sorry for the registrar.

Lily hadn't had it easy, first with the assault, and then the anxiety that was slowly building up inside of her. She hated the fact that a patient had actually complained about her, it just seemed unfortunate that it had been Lily dealing with him.

"You two, come with me," Connie ordered, beckoning Louise and Robyn to the office. "I honestly can't believe your behaviour out there. You two are supposed to be nurses!"

"I'm sorry, Mrs Beauchamp," Robyn whispered shyly, as Connie slammed the office door loudly behind them. "I didn't mean to tell anyone."

"That isn't what I'm angry about," Connie said, glancing at Louise out of the corner of her eye. "Yes, you shouldn't have told everyone like that but I do understand that you were only defending Lily. It was more the shouting match, in front of patients and other colleagues."

"It won't happen again," Robyn promised.

"I should hope not. Well, Staff Nurse Tyler," Connie spat at Louise. "What have you got to say for yourself? I thought you were better than this Louise, but the things that you said about Lily and in front of her out there was totally uncalled for!"

"I...I didn't know what had happened," Louise stuttered.

"That doesn't matter," Connie said. "You don't talk about other members of staff in that manner."

"I'm sorry," she apologised.

"It isn't me you should be apologising too," Connie said. "I want you to give Lily a proper apology."

"But she still won't talk to me, will she?" Louise mumbled.

"Enough!" Connie scolded. "Even so, I would like you to apologise to her. And I'm suspending you for a period of fourteen working days."

"Are you serious?" Louise yelled.

"Deadly," Connie said. "And you're not leaving this ED until you apologise to Lily."

"Fine," Louise muttered under her breath, and shrugged her shoulders.

"Okay," Connie sighed. "You may go."

Louise didn't even hesitate to leave the office, but Robyn stayed where she was. She seriously hoped that Lily was alright.

"Mrs Beauchamp," she whispered. "I really am sorry."

"I know you are," Connie whispered back. "Don't worry about it, alright?"

"Alright." Robyn managed a small smile.

Even though she'd been given some reassurance, she still felt extremely guilty for what had happened.

 **A bit of a long and dramatic chapter there, but I hope you enjoyed it. I have a lot planned for this story so stay tuned. There'll be a few more Connie and Lily scenes, and of course some Iain and Lily scenes as well.**

 **So Lily will see a speech therapist in the next chapter and a diagnosis of anxiety will be just around the corner. Let's see how that goes. Thanks for the reads, follows, favourites, and reviews. It means a lot.**


	18. Chapter 18

**casualtyfics111: I always make Louise out to be a bully in my stories, but I think it's because she and Lily don't really get on in the show. I felt as if that's the sort of thing Robyn would do, and the sort of thing Iain would do. Luckily no one walked in and saw him in the girls toilets, haha. Thanks for reviewing.**

 **Scarlett: Thanks so much! I'd been planning that scene for a while in all honesty. More to come.**

Chapter Eighteen

Iain pulled up outside the centre, and turned off the engine. He looked at the clock on his dashboard and smiled proudly at his timing, five minutes until Lily's appointment. Sitting back in his seat with a sigh, he glanced across at Lily and noticed that she was anxiously chewing her fingernails.

"Okay, let's go," Iain said, opening the car door. "Are you nervous?"

Lily faintly nodded and tucked her hair behind her ears, before opening the door and climbing out of the car. She felt sick, as she looked up at the building that stood in front of her. Iain locked the car and gently wrapped an arm around her waist, whilst leading her up to the front entrance.

"Good evening. How can I help you?" The receptionist asked them with a smile.

"Lily Chao," Iain said, gesturing towards his girlfriend. "She has an appointment at six o'clock."

"Okay..." She began to tap the keys with her long fingernails, and Lily glanced across at Iain nervously. "Yep, that's fine. It's Helen who you'll be seeing. Just take a seat in the waiting room and she'll be right with you. She's just finishing up with a patient."

Iain thanked her and the two of them went to sit down on a couple of chairs. There was only one other person in the waiting room, and they looked surprisingly calm compared to Lily. Lily guessed that they'd been before though.

"Do you want me to come in with you?" Iain offered kindly.

Lily shook her head bravely. She wanted to do it by herself, if possible.

"Alright." Iain nodded at her. "Well, just remember that she won't force you to talk. It's only your first session, and it's okay to feel nervous. I'll just wait out here until you're done, alright?"

Lily nodded, smiling at Iain's gentle words.

Soon, one of the doors opened and a teenage girl exited the room.

"I'll see you next week, Anna!" A voice shouted and a tall woman with brown hair followed after her. Iain and Lily watched and both assumed that it was Helen. "Right," she sighed, and turned to look at Iain and Lily. "Lily Chao?"

Lily looked to Iain for support. She gulped, turned back to address Helen and nodded.

"Don't look so nervous," Helen said. "That girl you just saw is eighteen, and I've been seeing her since she was eleven. I doubt she'd still be coming here, if I was that scary. Come on in, is your friend joining us?"

Lily slowly stood up, her knees shaking, and looked back at Iain.

"It's up to you." Iain shrugged his shoulders.

Lily just shook her head again, and gave Iain a reassuring smile, before following Helen into her office. The office was nothing special really, just a desk, a chair, a sofa, and a little round table for biscuits and drinks. Helen offered the plate of biscuits to Lily straight away, before taking a seat in the chair.

"If you'd like to sit down on the sofa," she said.

Lily cautiously picked up a chocolate biscuit and sat down, shyly taking a small bite. She waited as Helen grabbed her notepad and turned to a blank page. She finished off her biscuit and glanced around the room, trying her best to take deep, slow breaths.

"Now, I am quite good friends with Connie," Helen told Lily. "And she did explain the situation to me. I'm sorry to hear that you've gone through that."

Lily said nothing.

"Usually with children who don't speak, I give them picture cards to use instead," Helen said. "But you're a grown woman, and I'm not one of those irritating people who will treat you like a child just because you can't talk."

Lily understood what she was saying, and she felt as if she was able to trust Helen, but she still stayed completely silent.

"How are you feeling right now, Lily?" Helen asked, placing her notepad and pen down onto the table. "Write down a list of emotions that you're currently feeling."

Lily shakily picked up the pen and paper, chewing on the end of the pen whilst thinking about what to write. She was full of various emotions, and had no idea where to start. Was she allowed to write down more than one? What if she did it wrong? What if Helen shouted?

"There's no right or wrong here, Lily," Helen whispered, obviously trying to climb into her head. "Just write down how you feel."

Tears pricked Lily's eyes, and she weakly shrugged her shoulders. She wished that she had allowed Iain to come in with her, maybe then it would have been easier. She sat there for a good ten minutes, debating on what to write.

"Lily, you're not going to get into any trouble at all," Helen told her. "And it's completely confidential as well. It's mainly to help me, alright?"

Lily nodded and pressed the tip of the pen to the paper. She wrote about three words down before showing them to Helen.

 _Scared_

 _Upset_

 _Anxious_

"Okay." Helen nodded, as she read them over. "Do you think you could write down a reason for each of these emotions?" Lily still had tears in her eyes though. "You're doing well," Helen praised. "Don't worry."

* * *

"How did she get on then?" Iain sighed, as he stood with an arm around Lily's shoulder.

Helen was stood opposite them, Lily's notes in her arms. It had just gone seven o'clock and she was currently tidying the office, so that she was ready to go home. Lily had hated the session in all honesty, she'd cried throughout most of it and she hadn't been able to say a single word.

"She did well," Helen informed Iain. "I wasn't expecting her to speak, not during the first session anyway. However, she even struggled with writing things down, something that she'd apparently done quite well for Connie and yourself."

"She has done before, yes," Iain replied.

She turned to Lily at that point and asked, "Are you taking any medication at all, Lily?"

Lily shook her head at her. She liked how Helen was actually addressing her and speaking to her, even though she knew that she wasn't going to get an answer. The majority of people usually gave up and spoke to the person who she was with at the time.

"No, she isn't," Iain spoke for her.

"I think that medication could be a huge help," Helen said. "I know that some of my patients don't like the idea of being put on pills, but for someone with a severe anxiety disorder..."

"Don't worry," Iain cut her off. "I'll have a chat with Connie."

"Alright," Helen said. She didn't want to tell Connie or Iain how to do their jobs. "It's only natural to feel this way though Lily, after a traumatic experience. I don't want you to blame yourself for these feelings. Well done today, alright?"

Lily nodded and Iain thanked her, before the two of them left the centre. Once they were in the car with their seatbelts on, Iain turned to her to speak.

"Well done," he said. "And medication might really help you. How about we go out for a meal to celebrate surviving your first session, eh? We could go to that really nice Italian place that you like, and you won't even have to talk. It's on me, and I'll order for you."

Lily blushed a bright shade of red and smiled lovingly at Iain. Her stomach growled and she realised how late it was actually getting.

Feeling hungry, she nodded.

 **I had great difficulty ending this chapter. I hope you liked it though. I've had therapy in the past, and I did attend speech therapy when I was about four, but writing this chapter was a struggle. I wasn't quite sure on how to word it, with Lily not talking and all, so I hope it came across okay.**

 **I'll try and update soon. Thanks for reading x**


	19. Chapter 19

**Scarlett: Thank you. That's so sweet, and I am trying my best to get Lily's perspective across. I think you'll enjoy this chapter. It's nice to meet someone who likes Connie and Lily scenes just as much as I do.**

Chapter Nineteen

"How did you get on with Helen then?" Connie asked, as she and Lily sat down in her office.

Lily gave a small shrug of the shoulders and folded her arms. Her mouth remained shut, and although Connie was surprised that she wasn't talking to her, she didn't push the matter. Sometimes, Lily would talk to her and Iain as if nothing had happened. Other times, she'd just go completely mute.

"She's nice, isn't she?" Connie added, when Lily didn't even respond with movement. "I know you've had a tough week, Lily, and I feel for you. I really do. I was hoping that we could just spend some time together to talk, and help you. I know that you've spoken to Helen but sometimes it's easier to talk to someone you know."

Lily shrugged again and diverted her eyes to the floor.

"Do you remember when you read Alice in Wonderland for me?" Connie asked, reaching across her desk for the book. "Why don't you read some more?"

Lily shook her head, pulling her knees up to her chest in a protective manner. She zipped her jacket up and wrapped her arms around her waist protectively, her eyes then focusing on a dirty spot on one of her trainers.

"Okay," Connie sighed. "Let's try something else then."

She stood up and set the book back down on her desk, before picking up her iPod and earphones. Lily knew what was coming and she started to feel sick.

"Put these in," Connie whispered, handing the iPod to her.

The door opened at that point and Alicia walked in. She went to say something, but stopped when she saw that Lily was there. She couldn't believe that the registrar had been raped, and the news really upset her. Lily was her mentor, but lately she'd become a friend as well. She'd been wanting to talk to Connie about her feelings, but she couldn't possibly talk to her in front of Lily.

"Doctor Munroe, I'm busy," Connie told the junior doctor in a stern voice. "Is it urgent?"

"I...I just wanted a chat, that's all," Alicia whispered. "Will you be free today?"

"I don't know," Connie answered, and sat back down beside Lily.

Lily cautiously glanced across at Alicia, whilst popping the earphones into her ears. She said nothing.

"Could you talk to Doctor Gardner instead?" Connie suggested. "If not, I might be available later on." Alicia faintly nodded, forcing a smile. "I can't right now, Doctor Munroe," she sighed. "Alright? Get back to work, please."

"Of course, Mrs Beauchamp," Alicia promised. "Will do."

As soon as Alicia had gone, Connie picked up the book again and turned back to Lily with a sigh.

"Okay, choose a song," Connie said. "And read a bit of the book, yes? It's just us in the room and last time, I don't think you actually noticed but you spoke incredibly well when you had music on."

Lily began shaking, as she scrolled through the list of songs. She didn't know what to listen to, she'd already listened to Little Mix and Ed Sheeran and the majority of artists she hadn't even heard of. She decided on Take That in the end.

"Why don't we pick up from where we left off?" Connie suggested, and handed the book to her. "In your own time."

Lily took one look at the book and gulped nervously. She coughed and took a deep breath, trying to listen to the lyrics of the song that was playing. She could feel Connie watching her carefully and she suddenly felt extremely self-conscious. Connie didn't say a single word though, she just patiently waited.

Lily gulped and turned the volume up so that she was unable to hear her breathing.

"Alice," Lily whispered, and dug her nails into the sofa. "Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it." She paused and continued, "and what is the use of a book,' thought Alice 'without pictures or conversation?"

Lily read the whole first paragraph in such a quiet whisper, and so fast as well, that Connie struggled to hear exactly what she was saying. She was smiling though, pleased to hear Lily talking for a change. She thought that she'd stop, but to her surprise, she carried on.

"So she was considering in her own mind," she continued. "As well as she could, for the hot day made her feel very sleepy and stupid, whether the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of getting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by her. There was nothing so very remarkable in that; nor did Alice think it so very much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, _`Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!'._...when she thought it over afterwards, it occurred to her that she ought to have wondered at this, but at the time it all seemed quite natural."

"Okay, stop there for me," Connie spoke, and placed a hand on the book.

Lily gulped and tears stung her eyes. She looked towards Connie and faintly nodded, determined not to cry in front of her boss. Why had Connie asked her to stop though? She'd wanted her to read, hadn't she? And that was exactly what she had done.

"No, no, you're doing really well," Connie reassured her. "That was beautiful. Do you think you could try and read some without the music?"

Lily shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut to try and stop her tears from falling. She hated the fact that she was so emotional. She couldn't possibly read without the music though; it drowned out the sounds around her. When she had earphones in, she was unable to hear the sound of other people, or her own voice, and it made her feel comfortable.

"That's fine," Connie said. Lily was grateful for that. "Why don't you try and be a little bit louder though? That was beautiful and you read loads, but how could I possibly hear you properly?"

Lily shook her head, flapping her hands around in an anxious manner. A single tear rolled down one side of her face and landed on the first page of the book.

"Hey." Connie leaned in closer and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "Just give it a go."

Lily faintly nodded and slowly turned the page.

"But when the Rabbit actually took a watch out of its waistcoat pocket, and looked at it, and then hurried on," Lily said, her voice risen ever so slightly. "Alice started to her feet..."

"Louder," Connie encouraged.

Lily took a deep breath and shifted uncomfortably, before continuing.

"For it flashed across her mind that she had never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat pocket, or a watch to take out of it." Lily was practically shouting now, and Connie's smile grew wider and wider. "And burning with curiosity, she ran across the field after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge."

"And stop there," Connie said, closing the book for Lily and gently taking it from her lap. "Now, where did that come from?"

"I...I'm s...sorry," Lily stuttered and removed the earphones, her voice immediately quietening again

"Don't be sorry, that was brilliant," Connie praised her. "I didn't realise you had that in you. I am so proud, Lily, and I know that can't have been easy. You just read two pages of that book though, so a huge well done to you."

Connie wrapped her arms around her and gave her a hug. Lily just nodded, feeling herself blush with embarrassment. She was smiling though, and a small laugh escaped.

"Well done," Connie said again, as she gently rubbed her arm. The smile remained on her face. "Maybe next time, we can try without the music. Baby steps, yeah?"

Lily nodded against her, hesitantly returning the hug. For the first time in ages, she felt happy.

 **So, a whole Connie and Lily chapter there that I have been planning for ages now. I have a huge love for their friendship, and think they have a mother/daughter type relationship. I hope you liked it.**


	20. Chapter 20

**MrsWhovian: Indeed, I bet everyone's proud of her :-)**

 **Scarlett: Same here! I absolutely love it, and adore scenes between them on the show. You'll see that conversation in this chapter.**

 **Lauren: I'm really glad you're enjoying the story. That's a really good idea, thank you, and something that I can definitely see happening. Thanks so much, and I hope you enjoy the chapter.**

 **A/N: The Connie and Alicia chapter was suggested by Lauren, so credits to her! I hope you all enjoy it. Also I don't own Casualty, as you've all probably guessed, and I certainly don't own Alice in Wonderland either. I realised that I've referenced the book quite a bit in this chapter.**

 **On with the story x**

Chapter Twenty

Alicia tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and tried to focus her eyes on the stack of notes in front of her. It wasn't easy though, she felt close to bursting into tears and her worries over Lily were growing bigger by the second.

It was obvious that Connie was annoyed with her now as well, when all she'd really wanted was someone to talk to. She'd spoken to Ethan about it, but he was just as worried as she was so it didn't seem fair to throw everything on him. He was the one who suggested having a conversation with Connie in the first place. That was what she was there for, and she'd been helping Lily a lot over the past couple of weeks.

"Doctor Munroe," Connie called, as she made her way over to the junior. "You wanted to speak to me. Shall we go somewhere private?"

"No," Alicia whispered, and shook her head. She didn't want Connie to be even more annoyed with her than she already was. "I'm fine now, honestly."

"Doctor Munroe, you asked to have a chat with me and I'm now available," Connie said, half stern and half concerned. "It can't have been that important now, can it?"

"Mrs Beauchamp, I...I'm fine..." Alicia stuttered, small tears stinging her eyes.

"You don't look fine," Connie whispered. "Come with me to the staffroom, please."

"I said I'm okay!" Alicia shouted.

She couldn't hold her emotions in for much longer though. She screamed and burst into floods of tears, throwing the notes to the floor. Connie flinched and everyone who was nearby turned their heads. Elle was in the middle of walking past and she just cautiously crouched down to pick up the notes that Alicia had tossed to one side. The junior doctor gasped and held her hands to her face, embarrassed, and unable to believe what she'd just done. Connie didn't shout though, but just placed a hand on her shoulder and spoke to her in a calm voice.

"Come with me," she said. "Now."

* * *

"Do you want to tell me what's going on?" Connie asked, as she handed a glass of water to Alicia before taking the seat beside her. "Because this is so not like you, and I think we both know that."

"I'm really sorry, Mrs Beauchamp," Alicia apologised, sniffing and taking a small sip of her drink. "I didn't mean to annoy you and..."

"You haven't annoyed me," Connie said. "Look, I'm sorry about earlier Doctor Munroe, but I was having a private meeting with Lily." Alicia just shrugged her shoulders. "What's going on?" Connie sighed.

"Lily," Alicia whispered.

"What about her?" Connie asked.

"I..." Alicia began crying again. She set her water down on the coffee table, and held her hands to her face. Connie just sat, waiting until her sobs have subsided so that she could talk to her. "I'm sorry!" Alicia cried. "But I just hate the fact that Lily is having to go through something like this."

"Okay, take a deep breath," Connie whispered. "What do you mean?"

"I..." Alicia gasped and wiped away a few of her tears. "It just gets me really upset. Lily's supposed to be my mentor, and I know that we didn't get off to a good start, but I really consider her as my friend. She's going to be scarred by this for the rest of her life, she isn't talking, and I actually don't know what to say to her anymore. I know that it's not her fault, but...It just really upsets me. She doesn't deserve to be going through it, no one does."

"Okay..." Connie went to speak, but Alicia carried on.

"What makes it worse..." She sobbed. "Is that this behaviour is so unlike Lily, like you can tell there's something off with her. It's just so out of character for her, and I'm scared that she'll never be the same again."

"Hey, Lily will get better," Connie said. "It might take a while, but she will. You're not the first one to be affected by this Alicia, and your feelings right now are completely natural."

"It's just, he's walking around out there," Alicia whispered. "Free, and Lily can barely talk to her friends."

"The police are doing all that they can to find him," Connie said. "Lily's going to be put on medication, and she's having speech therapy. Don't let this affect your work, Alicia, or your friendship with Lily for that matter. She needs friends right now."

"I just...Every time I see her or if something happens, I just feel really tight chested," Alicia told her. "And I struggle to breathe, and...I just keep crying."

"Maybe you should go and have a chat with Ben," Connie said. "It's clearly affecting you a lot more than you're letting on."

"But it's stupid," Alicia spat. "I'm not the one who's been raped, and I'm sat here sobbing my eyes out! I'm such a selfish idiot."

"You're not selfish," Connie said. "It's horrible to see someone we care about going through this, and it just shows how much you care about Lily."

Alicia nodded and held a hand to her chest. "I can't breathe," she gasped.

"Have a drink," Connie ordered, picking up Alicia's glass for her.

Alicia nodded and had a sip, small tears continuing to trickle down her cheeks.

"Alright?" Connie asked gently, and Alicia managed another nod. "Come with me for a second."

"Why?" Alicia questioned.

"Just come with me," Connie repeated and stood up from the sofa.

Alicia hesitantly followed her, leaving her empty glass on the coffee table. She followed Connie in silence, through reception and along to her office. Connie typed in the code and opened the door. Alicia saw that Lily was sat on the sofa; she was fiddling away on her mobile, whilst a drink sat on the table in front of her.

"I thought that you could do with some company," Connie said to Lily.

"Mrs Beauchamp, I don't think..." Alicia then realised what was about to come out of her mouth. "I mean, I have work to do."

"I can't have my doctors treating my patients in the state that you've just been in," Connie said, gently but sternly. "Keep Lily company, alright? It can't be much fun for her, stuck in here by herself. You can return to your work when you've calmed down."

Alicia took a nervous breath and nodded, before going to sit down beside her colleague. Lily gave her a small smile, but she didn't say anything. An awkward atmosphere fell over them and Connie picked up a notepad and a pen from her desk.

"Here," she whispered, handing it over to Lily and subtly winking at her. "Just in case."

Connie decided to leave them both to it then, and left the office in silence. Neither Lily nor Alicia spoke at first, but then Lily opened up the notepad and scribbled something down for her.

 _Are you okay?_

"I should be asking you that," Alicia giggled, as she wiped at her eyes again. "I just got a bit upset, that's all."

Lily just faintly nodded, placing the notepad on her lap. She cautiously reached across and gave Alicia's arm a comforting rub. Alicia smiled back and rested her head against Lily's shoulder, more tears filling her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she apologised. "I know we haven't always been close, but I hate that you're going through this." She looked up and added, "And I know that you can't actually talk anyway, but you're a really good listener. I hope you don't think that I'm selfish, it's just horrible to watch you suffer, to watch anyone suffer."

Lily shook her head and picked up the pen again. She wrote something down on her notepad and held it up to show Alicia.

 _You're not selfish. Stay strong!_

"I will," Alicia promised, and a small smile appeared on her face. "You too."

 **So I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I was going to include the Alicia and Lily scene in another chapter instead, but it made sense to write it into this one.**


	21. Chapter 21

**Lauren: Thanks so much :-)**

 **LillyMayFlower: Thank you for catching up on the story. I hope you had a nice holiday. Good spot, that scene was based on The King's Speech. I absolutely love that movie and thought that it would work well for the story.**

 **Scarlett: Thanks so much! I thought that'd be interesting to show. I will be updating that story very soon, I'll try my best. That's okay, I understand that not everyone is a writer so if someone would like me to write something I'd happy consider the idea.**

Chapter Twenty-One

"I'm going to put you on a very low dosage of Xanax to start off with," Connie said, as Lily sat on the edge of a bed in a cubicle. "This will just ease the anxiety slightly, and make you feel a little bit more calmer in social situations. We'll start low, see how you get on, and then we can go from there."

Lily faintly nodded.

"And I've received your results back from the sexual health unit," Connie told her. "You're all clear; no infections at all, so that's good news, eh?"

Lily nodded again. Tears stung her eyes and she clutched at her chest, finding it hard to control her breathing. She wished that she could talk to Connie, inform her of the fact that her chest felt tight, but no matter how hard she tried the words just would not come.

Luckily, Connie could tell when Lily was on the verge of a panic attack.

"Okay, look at me," Connie whispered, taking Lily's hand and placing it on her chest. "Easy, breathe. You know the drill, Lily. Nice, slow breaths."

The curtain to the cubicle was pulled across and Charlie walked in. He stopped in his tracks when he saw the state Lily was in, and held back until her breathing was back to normal.

"Alright now?" Connie asked, gently rubbing at Lily's arm.

Lily nodded, aware of the fact that Charlie had just witnessed everything.

"Get some rest," Connie told her. She knew how tired Lily usually was after an attack, no matter how big or small. "I just need to have a chat with Charlie."

Lily nodded and lay back down on the bed with her hands over her stomach. Connie wrapped her stethoscope around her neck and gestured for Charlie to follow her out of the cubicle.

"You're needed in resus," Charlie said straight away. "Are you almost finished here?"

"I'm about done," Connie told him. "But I will need to have a conversation with you and Doctor Gardner at some point. Lily obviously isn't working, she can't work, but we will need to complete some paperwork regarding her leave. Also, we will need to sort out hiring a replacement."

"A replacement?" Charlie raised his eyebrows at her. "How long is she going to be out of work for?"

"Who knows?" Connie shrugged her shoulders. "As soon as she's feeling better, and as soon as she can talk again. It could be months Charlie, and we can't cope without one of our doctors for that amount of time. You know how busy the ED gets."

"I know," Charlie sighed. The ED just wouldn't be the same without Lily Chao marching around the place, everyone knew that. "What happened in there anyway?" He asked his friend.

"I've prescribed medication," Connie told him. "I don't like the idea of putting her on pills but Helen suggested it when Lily went for an appointment, and honestly I think it could actually help."

"Well." Charlie shrugged his shoulders. It seemed as if Connie had already made up her mind. "Whatever helps Lily really."

"Yes," Connie sighed, and gave a small nod. "Exactly."

* * *

"I am so glad to get a break at last," Iain sighed heavily, as he sat on the sofa in the staffroom. Lily was laid down next to him, her head in his lap, allowing him to gently stroke her hair. "It's been manic today," he told her.

Lily smiled weakly, but she still didn't say anything. Iain hadn't exactly given up, but he had realised that there would be certain times when Lily just would not talk to him.

"Mrs Beauchamp said that you didn't have any infections," Iain whispered. "I'm glad."

Lily was starting to get used to Iain's company. She still found kissing slightly uncomfortable, and things had to be on her terms, but Iain didn't mind at all. He just wanted her to feel safe, and he didn't want to be someone who made her feel scared or anxious.

"You know the importance of taking that medication, right?" Iain asked her.

Connie had informed him earlier on that she'd prescribed some medication to Lily, and he'd immediately felt a wash of relief. He'd never agreed with pills to be honest. His mum had been on antidepressants in the past and she'd become addicted to them, he'd witnessed that as a young child, and he'd grown to hate medication of any kind. However, he wanted Lily to get better and medication seemed to be the right route to go down.

After thinking about it for a while, Lily nodded. Her doctor brain was telling her that she was fine and that she didn't need tablets of any kind, but after putting herself in a patients shoes, she secretly knew that she needed them.

"Good," Iain said. "Are you okay? If you're not comfortable, then just let me know."

Lily shook her head and whispered in a very small voice, "I'm fine."

Iain smiled and his eyes shone with tears. Hearing her voice was the best sound in the world.

* * *

Connie, Elle and Charlie were sat around a table in the main board room. They were having yet another meeting about Lily, whilst everyone else rushed around downstairs and tried to cope with a massive shortage on doctors.

"So, how long are we booking her off work for?" Elle asked.

Connie sat with her head bent over a stack of paperwork, but she slowly lifted her eyes as soon as Elle spoke.

"At least a couple of months," Connie answered her. "It's difficult. We have no idea how long this is going to go on for."

"Has there been any updates from the police at all?" Charlie asked.

The two women both looked across the table at him, and he shrugged his shoulders. He knew that it was the one question burning in the back of everyone's minds, he was just the only one who felt brave enough to ask it.

"No," Connie said. "Not yet. I've been anxiously waiting, but we haven't heard anything."

"Couldn't you ring them?" Elle asked.

"It's only been a week," Connie sighed. "They have other cases to deal with. If it gets to next week and we still haven't heard anything, then I'll give them a call. I know it's awful but we can't rush them."

"Okay." Charlie nodded. "So, what happens from here?"

"Well, Lily will be taking her medication twice a day for two weeks," Connie informed them both. "And we'll see how that goes. After the two weeks, I'll do a check-up and test whether or not we should increase her tablets or keep her on the same dosage. I am going to be working with her myself, but she is also having therapy outside of the ED. We'll book her off for two months to start with, and see how much progression she has made then. I will be making a few calls and seeing if we can get a replacement doctor in as well."

Charlie and Elle nodded to show Connie that they were listening carefully.

"Also, there have been a few concerns about other members of staff," Connie continued. "As you may know, Staff Nurse Tyler has been suspended for a period of fourteen working days due to bullying and inappropriate behaviour. Iain and Doctor Munroe have both been in tears. If anyone is worried, or struggling with what's happened to Lily, then they need to talk to someone. It isn't just Lily that we need to look after, it's the rest of our staff as well."

"Of course," Charlie sighed. "It's always difficult when it's one of your own."

"Exactly," Connie said. "I think that's everything though. Are there any questions from either of you?"

Charlie and Elle both shook their head in sync

"Alright." Connie nodded at them. "Well, I'll type the notes up and email them over. In the meantime, we need to try and work together to help Lily. She may not be working, but she is still going to be around quite a bit."

"Gotcha," Elle said, already up and out of her chair.

Connie nodded and gave Charlie a small smile, allowing them both to leave. She stayed where she was, waiting until the door was shut before pulling out her mobile phone. A small tear rolled down the left hand side of her face and she pinched the bridge of her nose, exhaling deeply to herself.

Scrolling through her contacts, she picked one and held the phone to her ear.

It rang, and rang, and rang, but someone eventually answered.

"Hey," Connie spoke, smiling at the familiar voice. "I need your help."

 **So, a bit of a boring chapter but it was just a filler chapter. I hope you still enjoyed it though. I'm out all day tomorrow so I probably won't have much time to update unfortunately. I'll try to as soon as possible though.**


	22. Chapter 22

**Bonnie Sveen Fan: You will soon find out!**

 **MrsWhovian: I've never taken any medication, but I did some research and that was mentioned. Thanks for reviewing.**

 **Scarlett: We will soon see! Thanks so much for your lovely comments on my stories.**

Chapter Twenty-Two

Iain ended up sleeping at Lily's that night.

Night-time was often the hardest time for her and knowing that she got nightmares, he didn't want her waking up alone. However, Lily didn't like the feeling of someone sleeping next to her and it wasn't as if she had a spare bedroom, so he ended up sleeping on the sofa. He'd said that he didn't mind, but then Lily had caught him secretly wincing and rubbing at his back.

The next morning, Iain agreed to make a huge English breakfast to wake them both up a bit. Lily had woken up at least four times during the night, her worse night yet, so he was quite glad that he'd been there to look after her. It was upsetting, when she had nightmares, but he usually managed to put on a brave face for her.

"How are you feeling?" Iain asked, as he served up.

Lily was sat at the table, unscrewing the lid of her medication. She just shrugged, popped a couple of pills into her mouth, and washed them down with a glass of apple juice. Iain smiled proudly, happy that she was agreeing to the medication.

"You should stay home if you're tired," he mentioned, and sat down opposite her.

Lily just shook her head. She had a scheduled meeting with Connie at ten o'clock, and she didn't want to miss it. She didn't actually mind her meetings, she trusted Connie and she was one of the few people who made her feel better. It was her therapy sessions with Helen that usually made her feel anxious.

"Well, I can stay with you again tonight if you'd like," Iain kindly suggested. "Gem will be fine on her own."

Lily smiled weakly at him, grateful for his offer. She stayed silent though and just took a bite out of one of her sausages.

* * *

"So, how's Lily doing then?" Jez asked, as Iain drove the ambulance through the busy street of traffic. "A little bird told me that you spent the night with her, eh? Is that true?"

"Might be," Iain scoffed. "Who told you that?"

"Your beautiful, little sister," Jez chuckled, playfully slapping Iain's arm. "Seriously though, how's she doing?"

"Yeah, she...She's doing well," Iain stuttered, with a small sigh. "I don't know, Jez. She had about four bloody nightmares last night, and she's still hardly talking. So maybe you could answer your own question now."

"Sorry," Jez apologised quietly.

"It isn't your fault," Iain said. "And it isn't Lily's either, which is why I feel so guilty for getting frustrated. It's just difficult."

"What's she doing today?" Jez asked.

"She's come into the ED for a bit," Iain said. "It just gets her out, and Connie wanted to see her for an hour or two anyway. She's not going to be working though, I think it might be a while until she's back at work to be honest."

"Bless her," Jez said sympathetically, turning to look out of the window.

"Yeah," Iain sighed.

He began slowing down, as he reached a long queue of traffic. Although the sirens and the lights of the ambulance were both on, none of the cars were moving out of their way.

"Come on!" Iain shouted, beeping the horn. "Emergency vehicle here, lads!"

Someone beeped them back, but a few cars in front drifted to the sides to try and make a path for the ambulance. Iain held a hand up to thank someone and slowly made his way through the gap, receiving a rude hand gesture from one angry driver.

"It's actually our right of way mate, alright?" Iain shouted to him, even though he probably couldn't hear him. "Bloody ignorant," he muttered, indicating to turn left. "Okay, so it should be number forty four. Here we go!"

He pulled up outside one of the houses, turned everything off and opened his door before jumping down.

"Go and see if you can get inside, Jez!" Iain ordered, swinging the back doors of the ambulance open.

"I'm on it," Jez said, walking over and peering through the front window. "I think I can see something!" He shouted back to his colleague, rushing over to test the front handle of the door. "It's unlocked."

"Nice!" Iain grabbed the kit that he needed and hurried over to help.

Jez turned the handle of the door and the two of them strolled inside.

"Hello!" Iain called out. "Did anyone call for a paramedic?"

After receiving no answer, he made his way through and into the living room. The entire house was a complete mess, and he wondered how anyone could even live in such an environment.

"Hello!" He called out again.

"Hello!" A female voice echoed. "I'm in the downstairs bathroom!"

Jez stopped outside a small door that attached to the living room and gestured towards it. Iain nodded, and he pushed it open slightly with his finger. A man lay, unconscious, on the cold floor tiles, whilst a young girl in her twenties knelt beside him.

"Please help me!" She sobbed hysterically. "He's not waking up!"

"Alright love." Iain nodded, crouching down beside her. "Can I have your name?"

"It...It's Chelsea," she gasped between sobs. "Chelsea Simons. This is my boyfriend, Darren Warlow."

"Okay Chelsea, thank you," Iain said. "Are you hurt at all?" Chelsea shook her head, her hand in the hand of her boyfriend's. "Do you know what happened here, Chelsea?"

"He...He's taken something," Chelsea began to cry even harder. "I told him not to, honestly. He didn't even leave me a note, he just said that he wanted to die."

"Okay, okay," Iain soothed, gently placing a hand on Chelsea's shoulder. "He's in the best possible care right now, I promise. Do you know what he's taken at all?"

Chelsea shook her head, and a single tear rolled down her cheek and landed on her knuckles.

"Okay," Iain whispered, turning to address his patient. "Alright mate? My name is Iain and this is Jez, we're paramedics. Can you hear us at all?"

No answer.

Iain lifted the man's face slightly, gasping and quickly removing his hand when he saw it. Jez looked towards his colleague, confused, and Chelsea sprung into panic mode.

"What is it?" She screeched.

"Iain," Jez whispered. "Mate, are you okay?"

Iain gulped and stared at the earring through his eyebrow. Slowly, he pulled down his shirt collar to take a look at his neck and there it was. A very distinctive, skull and crossbones tattoo.

 **Cliffhanger!**

 **I hope you enjoyed the chapter. You'll find out who Connie was calling soon as well. Also, what did you guys think of the episode last night? I loved it to be honest and found it extremely interesting. I wasn't too keen on the Jez scenes, but Jez isn't** **really a favourite character of mine.**


	23. Chapter 23

**LillyMayFlower: Let's hope so! He did do a very good job, and the storyline was good and it was just so different from anything they've done. I loved Duffy.**

 **casualtyfics111: We'll soon see. It definitely did not beat the helicopter crash, that was amazing, and I do get what you mean by them being out of character. I didn't like it really when Lily took that selfie, it was cute, but it was more like Crystal instead of her character. I don't quite get what that was about to be honest.** **Also, Jez's scenes were just weird but like I said, I don't like Jez. Overall though, I enjoyed the storyline and the way that it was filmed as well. So different!**

 **Scarlett: Thank you Scarlett :-)**

 **casualcasualty: It was hard writing for Iain, as I wasn't quite sure how he'd react. I hope it's okay though.**

Chapter Twenty-Three

Lily curled her fingers around the warm coffee mug, slowly walking through the crowd of doctors and nurses. Connie followed her, watching and waiting for Lily to say something. Lily forced a smile and carefully held the mug out to Elle who was standing by the desk.

"Thanks, Lily," Elle said, carefully taking the mug so that nothing would spill. "Two sugars, right?"

Lily just nodded, and folded her arms across her chest.

"Lily, do you want to ask Doctor Gardner if she would like anything else?" Connie asked.

Lily opened her mouth to speak, but quickly shook her head. She couldn't, she hadn't known Elle for long. What if she said the wrong thing, and Elle judged her for it? She just couldn't take the risk.

"Alright," Connie sighed.

The doors to the ED slammed open and everyone turned their heads at the noise. Iain and Jez wheeled Darren through, a look of pure anger in Iain's eyes as he reeled off the information to Ethan and Cal. Chelsea followed behind, sobbing and holding onto Darren's hand.

"Has he woken up at all?" Cal questioned the paramedics, but Iain shook his head. "Okay, and who is this?" He asked, gesturing to the crying girl.

"This is Chelsea," Jez said, seeing that Iain was in no fit state to be answering questions. "His girlfriend."

"Help him, please!" She yelled, her screams echoing throughout reception.

"We'll get you to the relatives room," Cal said gently to her, before turning and shouting, "Can we get some help here please?" He knew that Chelsea was going to be difficult, and that Darren seemed in a pretty bad way.

"I'm going to have to go and deal with this," Connie whispered to Elle, and followed the huge group through to resus. Lily hovered near the desk for a second, before making the decision to follow Connie. She missed working, she missed helping people, and she wanted to feel as involved as she possible could. "Okay Cal, what have we got?" Connie asked, grabbing the notes from him.

"Darren Warlow," Cal informed her. "Attempted overdose at home."

Robyn entered then, after being told by Elle about the incident. She made her way over to Cal and Ethan, and listened as Cal gave her instructions. She always felt upset when patients tried to take their own life, but she managed to put on a brave face.

"What's Lily doing in here?" Iain questioned, as soon as he spotted his girlfriend. "She shouldn't be in here, Mrs Beauchamp!" He ended up shouting, which was not what he wanted to do.

"I..." Connie pivoted on the spot and saw Lily standing behind her. "Oh for goodness sake Lily, you're not supposed to be working," she said gently. "Go please."

Lily ignored her though. She tilted her head to one side and got a look at Darren's face. She gulped and tears pricked her eyes. Her chest tightened, and she suddenly felt sick. She lifted her head and locked eyes with Iain, her whole body shaking. She hurried out of resus in tears. She then knew why Iain had wanted her to leave. She had no idea where she was going but she needed to get away.

"Lily!" Connie called, concerned.

"Um..." Ethan looked and saw that his brother had already got to treating the patient.

He felt as if he needed to make sure that she was okay. Something had obviously shaken her, and she was his best friend after all. They hadn't hung out together in a while, and she hadn't said anything to him about the rape. He still cared about her though.

"I'll go," he offered quietly, and walked out of resus before anyone could stop him.

"Right," Connie sighed, shrugging her shoulders, unsure as to what just happened. "Maybe I should go as well," she whispered, biting her lip.

"Is she a doctor here?" Chelsea asked, her eyes on the doors that Ethan and Lily had just gone through. "You're trusting someone like that to treat patients? She was shaking like a leaf!"

"Maybe because you don't know what your boyfriend is really like!" Iain shouted. "You're completely clueless, aren't you?"

"Iain!" Connie scolded him, her eyes widening in shock. Clearly, she hadn't realised who was lying on the bed in front of them. "In a way, she's right. Lily isn't working at the moment, so she shouldn't have been in here in the first place."

"Take a good long look at this man, Mrs Beauchamp," Iain whispered. "And tell me why the hell I am so angry right now!" He turned and hit his fist against the wall, before running his hands through his hair in frustration.

Everyone watched him nervously, whilst Iain just pursed his lips together to try and stop himself from screaming in pain. His knuckles felt as if they were on fire. Chelsea was still crying, as Cal reeled off information to the nurses, whilst trying to save Darren's life.

"What kind of place are you running here?" She yelled.

"I am going to need you to calm down," Cal whispered.

"Iain," Connie whispered. "I think you and I need to have a chat outside, don't you? Now, please."

She gestured towards the door, handed the notes to Robyn, and walked out with Iain close behind. They went to the office for some privacy and as soon as Connie had slammed the door behind them, she jumped straight into conversation.

"What the hell did you think you were doing?" She yelled. "Behaving like that when there are patients around is totally uncalled for!"

"Just leave me alone," Iain whispered, and leaned back against the desk with his hands over his face. "Mrs Beauchamp, that man deserves to be dead! Did you not see him? It...It's him, he...He was the one who raped Lily."

Connie's eyes widened. The thought upset her and made her just as angry, but how was she supposed to know if it was him or not.

"What makes you say that?" She whispered, her voice sad and worried.

"Didn't you see?" Iain whispered back. "He had the earring, and the tattoo, both of which Lily had told the police about. That was why she ran out of resus like that, Mrs Beauchamp. She recognised him."

* * *

"Lily!" Ethan called, as he pushed open the door to a supply cupboard. He was sure that he'd seen Lily go in there, that and the fact he could hear crying coming from inside. "Lily, are you alright?"

It was a stupid question, seeing as she'd just fled resus. Lily was sat on the floor of the cupboard, with her knees held against her chest, and tears rolling down both sides of her face.

"Hey," he whispered, awkwardly shutting the door behind hm so that he could sit down with her. "Hey, come here, I...I've got you."

Lily shook her head, flinching as Ethan even made the slightest movement to give her a hug. She buried her face in her knees and Ethan gently placed a hand on the ridge of her back.

"Lily, what...What happened in there?" He asked her. "You can talk to me."

Lily said nothing though.

"Of course," he sighed, clearing his throat. Lily was hardly going to speak to him, was she? "But...I saw the way you looked at him. You're my best friend." He gulped and added in a whisper, "he...he was the one who r...raped you, wasn't he?"

Lily let out a small gasp, and faintly nodded her head.

Ethan sighed heavily and held back a lump that was forming in his throat. "I'm so sorry, Lily. I really wish that there was something I could do."

Lily just shook her head, soon trusting him enough to rest her head on his shoulder.

"It's alright," he soothed, reaching up and giving her hair a gentle stroke. "Hey, we've found him now, haven't we?" He asked. "And we know his name. Don't worry, the police will be informed and he'll go to prison."

He forced a smile for her and added, "it's over."

 **I hope I had everyone in character. I had no idea what Iain's reaction would be like, and I did struggle a bit with the Lily and Ethan scene. It's been a while since I wrote for them. I hope you all enjoyed it.**


	24. Chapter 24

**LillyMayFlower: I thought you would like that. That's good, I'm glad he was in character. I did use to struggle for Iain, but I've got used to him a bit more now. Thanks for your lovely reviews and messages.**

 **Scarlett: Thank you. Enjoy the chapter.**

Chapter Twenty-Four

"Clear."

"Shocking."

Connie stood back with her arms folded across her chest, looking up at the reading above Darren's bed. She sighed heavily, ran a hand through her hair, and pondered on what to do. They'd been going through the same process for at least five minutes now, and nothing seemed to be working.

"Do we agree?" She whispered.

Everyone nodded solemnly. Despite everything that he'd put Lily through, it was still upsetting when a patient died on them. However, Darren hadn't woken up once, and he'd taken an awful lot of pills, so there was nothing that they could do.

"Time of death, 10:52am," Cal announced in a quiet voice.

"Where's the girlfriend?" Connie asked, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Relatives room," Cal sighed, walking over to stand beside her. "Do you want me to tell her?"

"If you could," Connie said, before turning to everyone else who was in the room. "And Lily?"

No one spoke. They'd completely forgot about Lily, and the fact that Darren had been the one to rape her. They felt so bad for her, and prayed that she hadn't gone and done anything stupid. Ethan had gone after her though, so surely she was safe.

Connie knew what she had to do. She swiftly left resus, and made her way towards the office where she'd left Iain to calm himself down. He was sat on the sofa with his head in his hands.

"Could you come with me please?" She whispered to him.

"What have I done now?" He snapped.

"Nothing," she sighed. "You haven't done anything, but I want you to come with me to find Lily."

Iain nodded and dragged himself towards the door. He was too scared to ask Connie what had happened to Darren, and he knew that she was bound to tell Lily anyway when they eventually tracked her down. They soon managed to find her in an empty cubicle, and luckily Ethan was still with her.

"Is everything alright?" She asked gently, placing a comforting hand on Lily's shoulder.

Lily flinched and fiddled anxiously with her sleeves, pulling her body away from Connie.

"She...She's been a bit upset," Ethan informed Connie, forcing a smile for Lily's sake. "You're alright now though, aren't you Lils?"

Lily nodded weakly at her best friend. Although she was still anxious and scared about seeing her attacker up close, Ethan had been great help and his words and just his company had really comforted her.

"Lily, can I talk to you?" Connie asked. She knew that piling a load of information onto Lily without warning, might make her anxiety worse. "You don't have to say anything," she added.

Lily smiled at her and allowed Connie to perch on the bed on the other side of her. She caught Iain watching, and gave him a smile also, letting him know silently that things were okay between them. Iain was grateful for that. He wondered if Lily was angry at him, for not telling her straight away about Darren.

"Listen, it's okay," Connie said. "Darren, um...The man who...you know? Well, he's gone, sweetheart."

"What?" Iain ran his hands down his face and his eyes went wide. "Really?"

Connie turned to address him briefly and nodded, before looking back to Lily.

"We did try to save him," she said. "But he was long gone, alright?"

"I'm glad he's dead," Iain muttered to himself, whilst leaning back against the wall.

"Iain," Connie hissed. "I know what he did was awful, but we can't say stuff like that about our patients, or about anyone really."

"So, what happens now?" Ethan asked, gulping nervously. "With the police investigation and everything?"

"I'll have to contact the police, and inform them of the matter," Connie said. "But we will have to go from there. I mean, Lily's made it clear that he is definitely the guy and the tattoo and the earring help a lot as well, so they will probably just end the investigation."

"Hey," Ethan soothed and gave Lily's back a comforting rub. "I told you it was over, didn't I? You're safe now, Lily. He's gone."

Lily nodded at his words, and a single tear rolled down one side of her face.

"It's not completely over though, is it?" Iain scoffed.

"What do you mean?" Connie asked him.

"Lily's still got to live with this, hasn't she?" Iain asked. "She'll never forget what that scumbag did to her, never! No amount of therapy and medication is going to help, I'm afraid."

Connie felt Lily tense up beside her.

"Not now, Iain," Connie whispered, shaking her head as a warning. "Now isn't the time to talk about that, alright? Let's try and focus on the positives; she isn't pregnant, she doesn't have any infections or life threatening injuries from the attack, and he isn't even here anymore."

"Even so, she's still scarred for life," Iain scoffed. "He deserves to be dead, and I'm not the only one who thinks that either."

There was an awkward silence.

"Believe me Mrs Beauchamp, if you hadn't pulled me out of resus," Iain said to Connie. "I would have seriously killed that man myself."

Connie gave Lily's shoulder a gentle squeeze and forced a smile for her. Lily said nothing and just rested her head against Connie's shoulder, something that she usually did when she was upset or anxious.

Connie allowed it, and just gently wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

* * *

She slowly entered the car park, the sound of her heels echoing in the wind. The sun shone down on her, as if the whole of Holby was greeting her with welcoming arms. A loud, happy sigh escaped her lips, and she took a small puff of her cigarette.

Moving her handbag to her other shoulder, she walked through the double doors of the ED. Charlie was the first person who she saw, and a smile spread across his face immediately.

"Hello," he greeted. "What are you doing here?"

"Hi Charlie." Zoe smiled back at him. "Is Connie around?"

 **Cliffhanger! I hope you enjoyed the chapter. It was mainly a bit of a filler chapter, but I hope you all enjoyed it.**


	25. Chapter 25

**Bonnie Sveen Fan: You did indeed guess correctly, so well done. Lily will always have Ethan, I think the two of them have a good friendship.**

 **LillyMayFlower: I'd be relieved, haha! I'm glad you liked Zoe's return, I really miss her in Casualty and would love to see her come back to the ED eventually. Sadly, I don't think it will happen though.**

 **Scarlett: I love a good Lily and Connie scene, and there will be more with Zoe.**

 **casualcasualty: Thank you so much. I'd been planning the attackers death since the start to be honest. Haha yes, good old Nick Jordan. Zoe is a fantastic character though, and always will be a legend in my opinion.**

Chapter Twenty-Five

"So, why did you ring me?" Zoe asked.

She popped the lid off of a bottle of wine, poured a couple of glasses, and handed one of them over to Connie. The clinical lead was sat on the sofa in her living room, feeling exhausted after previous events.

Lily had ended up going home early, along with Iain who didn't want to leave her alone. Zoe and Connie hadn't really had time for a proper chat, she was too busy contacting the police regarding Darren Warlow's death, and Zoe was busy answering everyone's questions about her sudden arrival at the ED.

It was now one o'clock in the morning, and the two of them were finally sitting down to talk.

"I just..." Connie sighed heavily, and had a sip of her wine. "Thought that we could catch up."

"Connie, be honest," Zoe said. She tilted her head to one side, and sat down beside Connie. "You don't call me back to Holby, just for a catch up. You told me that you needed my help with something and that is what I'm here for. Something else is going on, something that you obviously couldn't explain on the phone."

"I tried to tell you on the phone," Connie said. "But I couldn't, and I thought that it would be best to explain in person. How is America anyway?" Connie questioned her.

"Now, don't try and change the subject," Zoe laughed, shaking her head. "Let's just put it this way. America is good, but it's not Holby." She caught sight of Connie smiling weakly, but she knew that there was something not quite right about her friend. "What's going on, Connie? Is it Grace?"

"No, Grace is perfect," Connie whispered. "She's living with Sam at the moment, but she's perfect."

"Then what is it?" Zoe asked. "Come on, I didn't leave America just to gossip about shoes and make-up."

"It's Lily," Connie said. She knew that Zoe wasn't going to stop asking questions, and she had called her for a reason after all. It was just hard, Connie knew that if she opened up then she'd just start crying. "It's Lily, okay?" She repeated in a small voice.

"Lily, as in Lily Chao?" Zoe raised her eyebrows and gulped down some of her wine. "What about her? I didn't even see her at work today."

"That's because she went home early," Connie informed her. "She hasn't been doing too well."

"What happened?" Zoe asked, reaching across for the wine bottle and topping up Connie's glass. "Come on, have some more wine and start from the beginning."

"I don't even know where to start," she sighed. "Lily hadn't really been talking much, like she'd turned practically mute. There were a few times when I managed to get her to say something, and after a while...I...We...Found out that she'd been raped."

Connie's voice faded away at the end, and tears began to trickle down her cheeks.

"Seriously?" Zoe's eyes widened. "Connie, I...I'm sorry, I...Do...Do you know who it was at all?" She had no idea what to say, she'd never expected something so awful to happen to one of their own.

"We do now." Connie nodded, her eyes on her wine glass. She wanted nothing more than to just chuck it at the wall and watch it smash into thousands of pieces. "He died. He was admitted to the ED yesterday, after attempting to take his own life, and we just couldn't save him."

"I'm so sorry, Connie." Zoe shook her head sympathetically.

"It's not your fault, is it?" She said. "Thank you for coming down though, even though you didn't actually know what you were letting yourself in for."

"Always happy to help a friend," Zoe whispered. It had been hard trying to get time out to go to Holby, but she'd eventually managed it. "But what's going on with Lily now?"

"She's just not talking at all," Connie said. "She's having speech therapy, and she's on medication, but I don't know what else to do. I've been having meetings with her and it's just so hard, seeing her so vulnerable and upset. It's completely out of character for her and I can't handle it."

She sniffed, before continuing.

"Everyone else seems to be struggling as well," she mentioned, thinking back to Alicia's small breakdown. "Alicia, Iain, Ethan, and I've just had to suspend Louise. Long story."

"You need help as well, Connie," Zoe said. "You seem completely exhausted and I've never seen you this upset before."

"No one should have to go through it," Connie breathed. "But with Lily, even after one day we could tell that something was wrong with her, because she's usually so talkative and confident."

"I understand what you're saying," Zoe said. "Lily needs help, but so do you."

"And where am I going to get that exactly?" Connie asked. "I have to take care of everybody, I have a daughter who still hates me, and an ED to run."

"Hey," Zoe said in a comforting voice, and reached across to give her arm a rub. "I don't have to go back straight away."

* * *

Iain was sprawled out on the sofa with his feet propped up on the coffee table. The TV was off, the curtains were drawn, and Lily was curled up asleep beside him with her head on his lap. A blanket was draped over her, and Iain was pleased to see that she was finally getting a decent rest.

"Is she alright?" Ethan asked quietly, being careful not to wake Lily, as he walked over to them.

He set a cup of tea down on the end table beside Iain, and gently stroked at Lily's hair.

"She's fine," Iain whispered back, smiling down at his sleeping girlfriend. "Thanks for the tea, mate, and thanks for your help today as well."

"Hey, it was no trouble," Ethan said, folding his arms across his chest. "Lily's my best friend. I'd do anything for her."

Iain thanked him once again and asked, "are you okay getting home?"

"I'll be fine," Ethan said. It was the middle of the night and Cal would most likely be asleep, but he had money on him. "I'll just call a taxi."

"Are you sure?" Iain asked him. "I don't mind dropping you back."

"No." Ethan shook his head, and gestured towards Lily. "Stay with her."

Iain smiled at him and told him to text him when he got home, which Ethan agreed to. As soon as his taxi had arrived and as soon as Ethan had left to go home, Iain planted a small kiss on Lily's cheek and allowed a single tear to escape and roll down his cheek. It had been such a long day, and although he felt sad for Lily, he was happy. Her attacker was dead, and he was never coming back. If Lily wasn't going to get better anytime soon, he hoped that it would give her at least a little bit of closure.

Ten minutes later, he received a text from Ethan to say that he'd arrived home safely.

Five minutes after that, he drifted off to sleep beside his girlfriend.

 **I really enjoyed writing the scene between Connie and Zoe. I hope you liked the chapter, again it was just a filler, and the story will now focus more on Lily getting better. Thanks for all of your lovely feedback and I'll try and update soon x**


	26. Chapter 26

**Scarlett: Thank you. I agree, I love seeing Connie's more vulnerable side.**

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan: Thanks so much and I don't think she will.**

Chapter Twenty-Six

"Thank you for coming in, but you do realise that Lily isn't here this morning?"

Connie typed in the code for her office and pushed open the door, allowing the policewoman to walk through the door. She sighed and glanced towards the front entrance, hoping to see Lily walking in at that moment, but she didn't. She followed P.C Kendall in and shut the door behind her, gesturing to the jug of water that sat on the coffee table. She didn't touch it but just jumped straight into conversation.

"Will Lily be coming in at all today?" She asked.

"I can't say," Connie whispered. "She isn't currently working, for obvious reasons, so she doesn't really have a reason to be here."

"Is her boyfriend around?" P.C Kendall asked, the one who Connie and Lily had met with before.

"He starts at ten," Connie said. "Lily may come in with him, she may not, but I honestly can't say."

"Well, we will need to talk to you anyway, about Darren Warlow's death," P.C Kendall said. "I hear you were treating him at the time, Mrs Beauchamp, along with a Caleb Knight. We will need to have a word with him as well."

"Whatever for?" Connie shrugged her shoulders. "You're not actually saying that one of us purposely killed him? I think you're forgetting that our job is to save lives, not destroy them."

"We're not saying that at all," she sighed. "But we need to take everything into account."

"Darren Warlow was already gone when he was admitted to the ED," Connie said, flicking the hair out of her face. "There was nothing that we could do to save him."

P.C Kendall nodded and scribbled something down in her notepad.

"Did Lily actually confirm that it was him?" She asked.

"He had the features," Connie said, taking a seat in her chair. "And she fled the room, as soon as she saw him. What does that tell you?"

"That's kind of the reason I need to see her," she said. "That's all well and good, but I need to hear it from Lily herself. Or see," she quickly added, remembering that Lily wasn't currently talking.

"Why don't I give Iain a call?" Connie sighed, leaning across her desk to pick up the phone. "I know that he stayed at her place last night."

"That would be really helpful, thank you."

* * *

"You know, you don't have to do this," Iain said, as he and Lily arrived at the door to Connie's office. "Isn't it a little bit too soon to be talking to the police? He only died yesterday Lily, and...Well...You had a really hard day."

Lily just shook her head and turned the handle, before walking inside. Iain was about to follow but the door just slammed shut in his face.

"Morning, Lily," Connie whispered, looking up to give her a smile. "Sleep well last night?"

Instead of lying, Lily shook her head. Connie sighed sympathetically and nodded in response.

"Thank you for coming in, Lily," P.C Kendall said, and stood up to give her hand a shake.

Lily flinched, jumping backwards, whilst shaking her head vigourously.

"Right, sorry." P.C Kendall cleared her throat and sat back down. "I understand that you probably don't want to talk, but we need to know whether the man who was admitted yesterday was indeed, your attacker."

Lily gulped and anxiously took a seat at the other end of the sofa.

"Could you write it down for me?" P.C Kendall asked gently, kindly passing her notebook to Lily.

Lily tucked the strands of hair behind her ears, took the notebook and pen and slowly began to write something down. Connie pretended to type away on her computer, as she watched, and no one breathed a word.

"Are you sure?" P.C Kendall asked Lily, as soon as she'd written something down and passed the book back to her. "Okay, thank you. Mrs Beauchamp, because we now have clear evidence that Darren Warlow was in fact Lily's attacker, we will be dropping the investigation."

"Okay," Connie whispered, smiling to herself. "So, that's it then? It's over?"

"I have no doubts that Mr Warlow died on his own terms," she said. "Lily's been through enough, and I know it can't have been easy on you or the rest of the staff either. The cause of his death was clearly an overdose, so we're going to leave it at that, alright? We have no need to take it further."

"Really?" Connie asked, breathing a sigh of relief. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure," she said, standing up and looking back down at Lily. "Get better soon, Lily. Look after yourself."

Lily nodded at her, smiling.

"I'll be in touch, Connie," P.C Kendall said. "You two might want to have words, so I'll see myself out. Keep in touch."

As soon as she'd left the office, Connie turned to Lily with a smile and gave her a thumbs up. Lily hid her laughter, as the clinical lead sat down and put an arm around her.

"Come here, trouble," she joked, pulling her in for a hug. "It's over now, eh? We can now focus on getting you talking again. Now, I know you're seeing Helen but you can still have meetings with me as well. I want you to know though that I will never, ever force you to talk, not if you don't want to. We'll take it nice and slow, alright? And if listening to music is the only way you can speak, then so be it, that is what we will do."

Lily turned her head to look at Connie, and she slowly nodded.

"Thank you," she whispered, and leaned across to wrap her arms around her.

Connie felt tears in her eyes, as she accepted the hug. She patted Lily's back and rested her chin on the top of her head, before pulling away. Lily grinned and stood up to leave the office, so that she could go and see Iain.

Connie sighed heavily and wiped away her tears, just as the door opened again. She thought that Lily had forgotten something, but it was just Charlie and Zoe. The two of them seemed to be catching up, and Connie hadn't been the only one who'd been pleased to see Zoe again.

"Are you okay?" Charlie asked, as he noticed Connie wiping at her eyes. "What happened?"

Zoe's face turned serious, and she gave Connie a worried expression. After the conversation that they'd had last night, she seriously hoped that nothing awful had happened.

"I'm fine," Connie said, happy tears rolling down her cheeks. "Lily spoke to me."

"Really?" Charlie's eyes widened in shock.

"Well, it was only two words," Connie said. "But it's still good, isn't it?"

"Of course it is." Zoe nodded at her. "That's amazing. I'm so pleased."

"Me too." Connie nodded back. "More than pleased."

 **Hope you liked the chapter. I'm in a happy mood because Crystal and Michael both tweeted me today, haha x**


	27. Chapter 27

**casualtyfics111: Thanks so much. Yes, I was so excited. I actually printed off their replies to stick in my scrapbook.**

 **Scarlett: Thank you :-)**

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Days went by, and it was drawing nearer to Lily's birthday. Iain desperately wanted to do something special for her, so that she knew how much he really cared. He just wasn't sure what to do.

It was Thursday and Lily was sat with Connie in the office, earphones in, and the Alice in Wonderland book open in front of her. She had the volume up at full blast so she wasn't able to hear a single thing, but Connie didn't even mind seeing as she was reading out loud to her.

"Okay, well done," Connie praised, when Lily reached the end of a chapter. "That was really good. Shall we stop there for today?"

Lily faintly nodded, removing the earphones and shutting the book. Just as Connie guessed, she went completely silent again, and she knew that they needed to start taking steps forward and not back.

"When is your next appointment with Helen?" Connie questioned her.

Lily just fiddled with the ends of her sleeves and didn't breathe a word.

"Lily," Connie sighed. "I told you not to feel embarrassed about writing stuff down, didn't I? That's what the notebook is for."

Lily reluctantly took the notebook from Connie and wrote down when her next appointment was, before passing it across.

"Tuesday, eh?" Connie smiled. "The day before your birthday. Are you doing anything for it?" Lily shook her head, placing the pen down on the table in front of her. "I'm sure Iain will think of something, won't he?"

Lily shrugged her shoulders. She honestly wasn't sure if Iain would have planned anything for her birthday or not, it wasn't as if they'd been dating for long and she wasn't the most easiest of girlfriends.

"Anyway, reason I was asking about Helen," Connie sighed. "Is because at some point, we'll need to get you talking without the distraction of music."

Lily shook her head and leaned back in her chair with her arms crossed. It wasn't fair. Connie had told her that she wasn't going to force her to talk, she'd said that, and now what was she doing? Basically forcing her.

"You can't walk around with earphones in all the time," Connie said.

Lily just began to scratch her arms anxiously. She didn't want to listen to what Connie had to say, she'd basically lied to her. There was nothing wrong with walking around with earphones in. She wished that people could understand the fact that she just couldn't physically talk.

Unable to breathe properly, she stood up and rushed out of the room. She could hear Connie calling after her, but she didn't look back. She needed to go somewhere a lot quieter, so that she could think properly.

She found herself in the ambulance bay, but disappointment hit her when she saw no sign of Iain. Instead, Gem was there.

"Oh, hi Lily," Gem said, glancing up from her maths book. "Iain's had to go out on location with Jez. Is everything okay?"

Lily held a hand to her chest and shook her head, collapsing back against the wall to try and keep herself upright.

"You can sit in here if you want to," Gem whispered. "I'm just doing some studying, not that any of it makes sense." She cleared her throat and said, "um...do you want to talk about anything at all?"

Lily tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and slid down the wall with her knees to her chest. Gem anxiously bit her lip and closed her textbook, before making her way over to Lily. What was she supposed to do? It was difficult to communicate with her when she didn't speak, and Gem just felt completely awkward.

She cautiously placed a hand on Lily's shoulder, and sat down on the floor beside her. Lily didn't even look like herself anymore. Her hair looked as if it hadn't been washed in days, and she'd traded in the skirts and heels for sweats and trainers.

"I um...I'm sure Iain will be back soon," Gem whispered awkwardly. "It's not that busy today, right?"

She watched as a single tear rolled down one side of Lily's face. Gem felt so bad, and she really was not helping.

"When I was in prison..." Gem began. "I thought that my whole life was over. I hardly spoke either to be honest, I know it's hard to believe because I don't shut up now. I'm not really a criminal though, and I got bullied in there. It was awful, I...I guess I just didn't really belong. The majority of people in there had done things a lot worse than stealing. It gets better though. Heck, I'm out and...I turned my life around, didn't I? I guess I'm a pretty good example."

Lily turned and forced a weak smile through her tears.

"I know there's a voice in there somewhere," Gem said. "And I know you're not going to get better straight away, but you will do eventually. You have friends."

Lily knew that Gem was right, and she stood up from the floor. She walked over to the sofa and picked up the book that Gem had been reading, gesturing to it as she held it.

"Are you sure?" Gem asked. She found it weird how she was actually able to understand Lily, even though she wasn't talking. "Because you don't have to."

Lily nodded, sitting down on the sofa and opening the book up.

"Thank you," Gem said and walked over to sit beside her. "This means a lot. If there's anything that I can do for you, let me know."

Lily nodded in agreement and handed the book across to Gem. Of course she didn't say anything, but helping Gem study felt like a good distraction for her.

* * *

"So, what are you going to do?" Zoe asked, as she made Connie a cup of tea.

"I don't know," Connie sighed, with her head in her hands. "She has good days and she has bad days. Today was obviously a bad day for her, or she wouldn't have stormed out."

"What do you mean?" Zoe frowned, leaning against the table.

"She never usually storms out of her meetings with me," Connie said. "And she was doing really well with her reading. I mention the fact that she needs to try it without the earphones, and she just flips out."

"She was probably just scared," Zoe said. "Unless it's on her own terms and unless she feels comfortable enough, Lily doesn't talk without music."

"I know," Connie replied. "And I understand that it's hard for her and I don't want to force her into talking if she isn't comfortable, but she needs to try eventually, right?"

"You need to understand though Connie, that this isn't your job," Zoe said. "You can be there for her, and you can support her, but at the end of the day your job is to run the ED. Let Helen be the speech therapist, alright? When is Lily next seeing her?"

"Tuesday," Connie said. "I need to write up this progress report for her though, so she knows how Lily is coping here. I have no idea what to say."

"You said it yourself that she can sometimes have bad days," Zoe said. "Tell her that."

Connie nodded, as there was a knock on the door.

"Come in!" She called, and Iain entered the room. "Ah Iain, have you spoken to Lily?" Connie sighed.

"No." Iain gave her a puzzling look, and shook his head. "Should I have done?"

"She was just a bit upset earlier," Zoe informed him. "I'm sure it's nothing, but we just wondered if she would have gone to find you."

"Sorry, I haven't seen her," Iain apologised. He was suddenly feeling very worried about his girlfriend. "I'll go and find her in a bit. I was just wondering if I could have next Saturday off at all?"

"I'll have to check to see if anyone else is off," Connie said. "I'll get back to you later."

"Okay," Iain replied, thanking her quietly. "I um...I was just planning on taking Lily out for the day, for her birthday."

"Is that such a good idea?" Connie questioned him.

"I want to make it special for her," Iain said.

"I think it's a great idea," Zoe put in. "A change of scenery could really help her."

"Maybe," Connie sighed.

"Look, I'll check with her first," Iain said, hoping that it would put Connie's mind at ease. "But I wouldn't take her somewhere that's too far or dangerous. I wouldn't do that to her, I love her."

Connie nodded and a small smile appeared on her face. "I'll look into it," she promised him.

"Thank you, Mrs Beauchamp," Iain said. "Oh, and keep your diaries for Wednesday evening free."

"Why?" Zoe asked.

"I'm planning a small birthday get together for Lily," Iain said, clapping his hands together enthusiastically.

"Oh, Iain." Zoe's smile soon faded, and she exchanged worried glances with Connie. "Maybe that will be a bit too much for her. Doesn't she get very anxious around huge crowds of people?"

"But it'll be with people who she knows," Iain told them. "And I'll just make it close friends anyway. You two, Ethan, Robyn, Alicia, Gem, and that will probably be it anyway."

"Just check with her about that as well," Connie said. "I don't think now is the time to be throwing surprises on her."

"Okay," Iain sighed. He knew that dating Lily was going to be difficult, and he really did love her, but he didn't think that its would be this difficult. "I'm going to go and look for her anyway. Thanks again."

And with that, Iain left the room and collapsed back against the wall outside. He was exhausted.


	28. Chapter 28

**Scarlett: Me too. And I'm so glad that you think that, I like writing everyone else's scenes. I love writing Gem as well.**

Chapter Twenty-Eight

"Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you!"

Lily lifted her head from Connie's shoulder, and forced a smile as Iain kissed her head and handed her a neatly wrapped present with a bow. He then handed her a bunch of envelopes, looking a lot more excited than she was.

Iain hoped that Lily would feel happier on her birthday, but in fact she was having one of her bad days again. She'd slept all day, she hadn't eaten, and even though she was out of bed she was still in her pyjamas. He'd almost cancelled her birthday meal and when he'd brought it up, Lily had just shook her head.

He wasn't sure why because she was clearly feeling down, but he hadn't questioned it.

"Happy Birthday beautiful," Iain said. "This is from me, alright? I hope you like it."

Lily nodded faintly and anxiously fiddled with the ribbon that was keeping the package together. She was quite aware of the fact that everyone was watching her; Iain, Connie, Alicia, Ethan, and Robyn. It was too much. Maybe she should have just let Iain cancel the entire affair, but she hadn't realised how difficult it would be.

"Hey, are you going to open it?" Connie asked quietly, and gave her arm a gentle nudge. "We all want to see what he's got you, and whether it's clean or not."

"Hey, what do you mean by that?" Iain chuckled. "I do clean!" He shook his head and turned back to his girlfriend. "Come on Chuckles, don't worry about the others."

He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and she carefully undid the ribbon. She then peeled away the paper to reveal a cute, cuddly monkey, a notebook, and a set of different coloured pens. Lily smiled and looked at the tag on the monkey, noticing that he was called Iain. She picked up the notebook and saw that on every page, there was a lovely motivational quote, and her smile grew even wider. It was such a lovely gift.

She gulped and opened her mouth, but she couldn't even thank Iain. A small tear escaped her eye and she turned to face him, feeling surprised when he pulled her in for a hug.

"Don't worry about it," he whispered in her ear. "I can tell that you like it."

Lily nodded and picked up the monkey, hugging it to her chest. Iain stroked her hair and rested his chin on the top of her head, wishing that he could take her pain away.

"That monkey is soooo cute!" Alicia said, leaning over to feel it. "And it's so soft! Oh my gosh, I love stuffed animals."

"Me too," Robyn gasped. "I have this huge collection of Disney toys in my room. I'm not even embarrassed."

"You lot are such children," Ethan laughed, shaking his head at them all.

"Enough," Connie scolded, rolling her eyes at them all. She brought out a parcel from behind her back and handed it to Lily. "Open my present, eh? I think you might like it."

Lily slowly took the present from Connie and gave her a thankful smile. She took a nervous breath, sat upright and slowly tore the paper off. It looked like a book of some sort. When Lily got a better look at it, she saw that it was a copy of Alice in Wonderland, a better condition than the one that Connie had in her office.

"Do you like it?" Connie asked. "Now you have your own copy."

"I don't understand," Robyn said, and gave the book a puzzling look.

"Lily and I have been reading it in our sessions," Connie informed her, as Lily sat and began to flick through the book. "I keep Grace's copy in my office, but it's a bit old and worn."

Lily smiled and rested her head against Connie as a thank you. The book meant everything to her, and she was so pleased that she now had her own copy.

"That's a lovely present," Iain said, leaning across and kissing her cheek. "Happy Birthday, princess. I love you. And I have another surprise for you as well."

Lily's eyes widened, and she turned to Iain with a terrified look on her face. She seriously couldn't handle any more surprises, it just made her anxiety even worse than it already was.

"No, it isn't anything to worry about," Iain reassured her, and held a hand up. "This Saturday, I would like to take you to the seaside for the day."

"Jealous!" Alicia squealed. "Can't we come?"

"Cal and I used to go to the seaside all the time as kids," Ethan piped up. "It used to be my favourite sort of day out."

Lily didn't seem convinced though. Tears stung her eyes and she looked as if she was about to be sick.

"Lily," Connie whispered, and gave her back a comforting rub. "Listen to me, you don't have to go if you don't want to. Iain just thought that it would be a nice idea, and it'd be a nice change in scenery as well."

"We don't even have to stay for long," Iain said to Lily. "We can go for a bit and if you want to go home, we can do. I'd really like to take you though."

He stroked at her hair and tucked a strand of it behind one of her ears. Lily looked down at the book that she was holding and weakly smiled at Iain, whilst faintly nodding her head.

"That's good," Iain said. "Hey, we'll have fun. I promise."

"Whilst the rest of us will be working," Robyn scoffed jokingly. "Where's Gem this evening anyway, Iain?"

"Oh, she's had to pop out for a bit," Iain said, his arm around Lily. "But she'll be back."

As if on queue, they heard the front door to the flat slam shut and Gem's voice appeared. She bounded into the living room, swinging a carrier bag from side to side, and gently leaned over to give Lily a hug.

"Happy Birthday," she said, taking a seat on the footstool and handing the bag over to her. "This is for you."

Lily handed the Alice in Wonderland book to Connie, and peered into the bag that Gem had given to her. Inside was a huge, packaged, chocolate cake with 'Happy Birthday Lily' written on the front in white icing. Lily mouthed 'thank you' at her and took the cake out of the bag so that everyone could have a proper look at it.

"Thanks Gem," Iain said to his sister.

"Don't mention it." Gem gave a shrug of the shoulders. "Lily deserves to have the best birthday!"

Iain smiled and nodded in agreement, leaning against his girlfriend, as she ran her fingers over the top of the cake box.

"So?" He grinned and gave her arm a comforting squeeze. "Who wants cake?"

 **Just a nice cute chapter there. Sorry it was short. I've been so busy this weekend but I was determined to update. I hope it was alright x**


	29. Chapter 29

**LillyMayFlower: Thanks so much and I bet. I always love seeing your comments, and I love seeing your stories even more.**

 **Guest: Thank you, I'm glad you're enjoying it. I hope you like the update.** **Thank you to "LillyMayFlower" by the way who had the idea of Connie getting Lily a copy of Alice in Wonderland for her birthday. Sorry, I forgot to mention this in the previous chapter.**

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Lily was sat in the passenger seat of the car, her eyes focused on the first chapter of Alice in Wonderland. She was smiling to herself as she read it, her head leaning wearily against the glass window. It was one of the best presents that she'd ever received, such a thoughtful one as well, and she was so grateful to Connie.

"Right!" Iain clambered into the driver's seat and slammed the door. "Are you ready to go? The flat is locked up, the picnic is in the boot, and I have the most beautiful girl ever next to me."

Lily smiled and carefully folded the corner of the page down so that she could save her place. She set the book in her lap and did her seatbelt up, smiling across at Iain.

"How are you feeling?" Iain asked. "Nervous?"

Lily faintly nodded, her body tensing up.

"Don't be," Iain said, as he started the engine and put the car in gear. "You've got me, alright? I'll look after you, and I won't let anything happen to you."

Reassured, Lily nodded in response. She was excited about the beach as well, but there was still that little voice in the back of her mind that told her something bad was going to happen. She wished that she could push it to one side and ignore it, but it wasn't that easy.

The car journey was pretty silent with only the sound of the radio. Iain was humming along quietly to it as he drove, and Lily just stared out of the window at the beautiful countryside that they were passing.

Lily had been to the beach loads of times as a child. Her parents always refused to take her, so she often went with her grandparents. It was one of her favourite memories as a child. When they got near to the beach, the last one to shout out _"I can see the sea!"_ had to buy the ice-creams. Of course, Lily's grandparents always waited until Lily had said it first.

"Are you okay?" Iain asked her, after a very long moment of silence.

Lily nodded with a huge smile on her face. It wasn't even a lie. She felt great.

* * *

"How was Lily's birthday then?" Zoe asked.

She went to stand beside Connie, who appeared to have her head in a large stack of paperwork. The ED was busy as usual, but it always seemed to get like that whenever they were short staffed.

"It was actually really nice," Connie answered, with a smile. "And Lily seemed to enjoy it. Iain has taken her to the beach today and I've asked him to let me know whether she talks or not. She saw Helen this week and I've had an email from her to say that Lily still isn't talking."

"Bless her," Zoe sighed sympathetically, giving the clinical lead sad eyes.

"Yeah, it's worrying," Connie whispered. "I honestly thought that she'd be getting better now, but I guess I was wrong. She spoke to me the other day though, didn't she?"

"Because it was on her own terms. Her anxiety isn't going to go away just like that, Connie," Zoe said, clicking her fingers. "It takes time. It could be years until she's back at work."

Connie sighed heavily and ran a hand through her hair. She really did not want to hear those words, but she knew that Zoe was right. Lily spoke when she wanted to, and when she felt comfortable enough.

"She's just in a really dark place at the moment, Zoe," Connie whispered. "And it's horrible to watch. Lily used to be so confident and talkative, and now look at her."

"She'll get better," Zoe reassured her. "Honestly. With the right help, she will."

Connie nodded, whispering a very small, "Yeah." She didn't seem convinced by Zoe's words.

"I actually wanted to ask you something," Zoe said.

"Oh yeah?" Connie raised her eyebrows at her. She thought she knew what Zoe was going to ask already. "What is it?"

"I was wondering if I could have my old job back at all," Zoe said.

She was right.

"What's wrong with America?" Connie asked.

"It's not Holby." Zoe gave a small shrug and leant back against the desk with her arms folded. "Being back has made me realise that I've really missed this place. I love it here and I love everyone who works here as well."

"Well, we always worked well together I suppose," Connie said. "Come on, we'll talk more about it in the office."

* * *

"I am stuffed," Iain groaned, as he collapsed back on the sand with his hands across his stomach. "Good picnic?" He asked, looking across at Lily who was sat beside him with her knees hugged to her chest.

She nodded.

"You can talk to me, you know?" He whispered, reaching over to give her hand a squeeze. "We're in a quiet patch, so no one's going to hear us. I promise."

Lily smiled and opened her mouth to talk. She gulped and small tears shone her eyes, as a young girl ran past them. She couldn't. What if Iain was wrong? What if they did hear her?

She shook her head and began to run her hand along the sand, hoping to distract herself.

"Lily, you're safe," he whispered.

"I...I know," she whispered back, stumbling over her words slightly.

Iain's eyes widened at the sound of her voice and a small smile spread across his face.

"I...I know I'm safe," she carried on. "But...It...It's like there's another part of me, telling me that I'm not. Have you ever been so scared, that...You feel like you can't say anything to anyone?"

"I have," Iain sighed, shutting his eyes briefly at the horrible memories. "The helicopter crash, and when I was in the army."

"That...That's kind of like how I feel," Lily whispered, choking up slightly at her words. "Every day."

There was a long pause.

"To me, anxiety feels like being lost in a big city where you don't speak the language," Lily then said. "Or...Or driving alone on a completely deserted motorway. You hear a noise that wouldn't cause any real reaction if you heard it during the day at work, but hearing it alone in this new city makes your heart race and your body prepare for fight. You become extra sensitive to everything else around you; sights, smells, whatever, because your body is trying to figure out if you're threatened. Do you get me?"

"Yeah, I do." Iain nodded. For the first time ever, he really understood what his girlfriend was going on. "It must be tough."

"It is." Lily nodded back at him, watching as the sand fell through the gaps in her fingers. "Really tough. People think I can help it, but I can't. I...I want to talk, but I can't."

"But you're talking now," Iain whispered.

"But it wasn't easy," Lily pointed out. "And...I...I trust you." She hung her head and sniffed, removing her thick hair out of her face. "If I'd come here by myself, I wouldn't have managed it at all. It would have basically been impossible for me." She smiled and turned to lock eyes with Iain. "Thanks for bringing me."

"You're very welcome," Iain replied. "And it's good to hear you talking so much as well."

Lily looked away again, apologising under her breath. She felt bad. She hadn't realised how much she'd been talking. Iain probably hated her now.

"No, don't be sorry," Iain told her. "It was beautiful. You're beautiful."

Lily just nodded and said, "don't tell anyone, will you?"

"No," Iain promised her, after a moment of some hesitation. "I won't."

 **This was probably my favourite chapter to write so far. I adored coming up with the conversation between Lily and Iain. Please let me know what you think.**

 **Also, I don't know if any of you are interested but I posted a new story yesterday called "Finding Each Other." I'd really appreciate it if you could check it out and leave a comment on it.**

 **Thank you x**


	30. Chapter 30

**LillyMayFlower: Thank you! I loved writing her little speech, and it was pretty easy to explain considering I've been diagnosed with anxiety myself. I'm glad you thought it was alright.**

 **Jasmine: Thanks so much, that comment has made me blush! Good idea overall, I can have a go with it but I might change some stuff slightly. If you have anything else you might want me to write, feel free to PM me or just leave a comment if you don't have an account. Thanks again.**

Chapter Thirty

"Just tell me the truth, Iain!"

"No."

Iain shook his head at Connie, his arms folded across his chest. That was the forth time she'd asked him if Lily had spoken to him at the beach, and he was putting his foot down. Lily had asked him not to say anything, and he'd promised her that he wouldn't. He really did not want to break her trust.

"Iain, I am your boss," Connie sighed, as if she needed to remind him. "Lily needs serious help right now, and if she's spoken to you then I need to know! Helen will need to know. She is her speech therapist, isn't she?"

Iain sighed and picked up the mug of coffee that he'd made himself earlier. It had gone cold, but he drank it anyway. He didn't want to show Connie that she'd interrupted him, she was already angry with him.

Then again, maybe she was right. He wanted Lily to get better, and how was Helen supposed to help her get better if she didn't even know that she'd talked? God, he really hated it when someone else was right.

"Fine," he sighed, setting his mug down again. "Lily spoke, alright? She um...She actually spoke quite a bit, although it did take me a while to get something out of her."

"What did she say?" Connie asked him.

"She explained how she was feeling," Iain whispered. He could feel himself choking up a little, as he remembered what Lily had said to him. "She explained what anxiety really felt like."

Connie faintly nodded and asked quietly, "Are you okay?"

"I think so," Iain hissed through his teeth. "I'm not sure. I just...I never really realised how she felt, and hearing it come from her, well, it was hard to hear I'll give you that."

"I'm sure it was," Connie said, flicking the hair out of her face. "Don't worry, alright? Helen has emailed me, and I'm going to spend some time with Lily today."

"Why is Helen emailing you?" Iain frowned. "Isn't the whole therapy thing supposed to be confidential?"

"We all agreed that I'd have some input," Connie sighed. "Helen needs to know how Lily is getting on with every day life, and considering she can't see Lily every day, I'm sending feedback across every now and then. That was why I needed to know if she spoke or not."

Iain nodded.

"Lily doesn't seem to be co-operating in her sessions with Helen," Connie continued. "And we don't know why. I'm glad she spoke to you, at least it shows some kind of progress."

"Mrs Beauchamp, please don't say anything," Iain begged her. "I wasn't supposed to tell you."

"Don't worry, Iain," Connie said. "I won't."

* * *

"So, what are you going to have then?" Connie asked, as she and Lily walked through the entrance of Starbucks.

Lily scanned the people and gulped anxiously. She found herself clinging onto Connie's arm, desperately wanting to get away from the business of the coffee shop. It wasn't Connie's fault, she'd decided on a time where she thought that it would be less busy for her. Clearly, people of Holby didn't work though. There was even a young girl in there with her dad, who she was sure should have been at school.

"Deep breaths," Connie whispered, taking hold of her hand. "Listen to me. You're in a safe place, and I'm not going to leave you. I've been talking to Helen though, and she just wants you to try and order yourself a drink. Nice and easy to start off with, and I'll be at your side if you get stuck."

Lily shook her head and held her hands to her face. Tears rolled down her cheeks and her breathing became heavy. She suddenly felt as if the walls of Starbucks were closing in on her, and she couldn't get out. Even with Connie at her side, she didn't feel safe.

"Lily, look at me," Connie said, standing so that she was face to face with Lily.

She glanced across at the counter and saw that the woman behind the desk was observing them closely. She looked worried, but also kind and as if she'd realised what was going on. Connie knew that if they ordered with her, they'd be okay.

"Come with me, gorgeous girl," Connie said, wrapping an arm around Lily and leading her over to the till gently.

"Is everything okay there?" The woman asked, smiling gently at Lily. "How can I help?"

Connie took a look at her name tag and saw that her name was Jessica.

"Take your time," Jessica said, even though there was a queue beginning to build up behind them.

"What do you fancy, Lily?" Connie asked her, keeping hold of her hand. "Well, I'm going to have a latte I think."

"A latte?" Jessica asked, tapping it into her computer. "No problem."

"Lily?" Connie asked, gently nudging her arm.

"Um..." Lily stuttered, wiping away a few of her tears. "I...A...Um...Sorry..."

"It's okay," Jessica whispered.

"Thank you," Connie mouthed at her, grateful for her patience.

"I...I want a...A pumpkin spice latte," Lily soon said, almost crying at the fact that she'd just spoken. "Th...Thank you."

"Excellent choice," Jessica said. "Do you want anything else?"

Lily shook her head against Connie. She couldn't even stomach the thought of food.

"And your name please?" Jessica asked.

"Lily," Lily introduced herself in a soft whisper.

"And it's Connie for me," Connie said.

"Great." Jessica nodded at them both. "It'll only take a second. Just wait at the side for me."

Connie nodded and lead Lily away, wrapping her arms around her neck to give her a huge hug. She was so proud, bursting with delight and excitement. Lily couldn't help but laugh, feeling shocked but also happy.

"High five," Connie said, holding her hand up.

Lily just shyly slapped her hand against hers.

"Well done, you did great," Connie said. "Now, we can tell Helen that you managed to order your own drink. I am so proud of you. I know for most people, that's silly but it is a huge deal for you. You're brilliant, I mean that."

Embarrassed, Lily just shrugged her shoulders.

"You know, Jacob and I had one of our first dates here," Connie whispered to her. "And when they asked for the names, Jacob gave them extremely silly names that were hard to spell. The looks on their faces were priceless. I was laughing for days."

Lily smiled at Connie's story and leaned against her. She was so tired, even just the one word seemed to make her exhausted these days.

"You'll feel better once you've had a drink," Connie said, obviously sensing that she was losing energy. "Hey, are you proud of yourself?"

Lily hesitated, before shaking her head. Connie sighed, shaking her head back at her. She wished that Lily had more confidence in herself, she really did.

"You should be," Connie said. "That was a big thing for you. Don't worry, we'll get that self esteem up again, I promise you."

Lily didn't even have the time to response, as their names were suddenly called.

 **I hope you liked the chapter. Let me know what you think x**


	31. Chapter 31

**Scarlett: Thanks so much! That's alright, and Lily and Connie is definitely my favourite friendship to write for. I will definitely consider Jasmine's idea. If you have any requests that you'd like me to write, feel free to let me know.**

Chapter Thirty-One

"I forgot to give you this the other day," Helen said, handing a card to Lily. "How was your birthday? I hope that everybody spoiled you rotten."

Lily just grasped the card in her hands, anxiously and carefully ripping the envelope. She could tell by the look on Helen's face that she wanted her to open it in front of her. It was a lovely card though, and on the front was a rabbit holding a bunch of brightly coloured balloons. Lily gave her a thankful smile and just placed the card on her lap.

"So, I would like to talk to you about something today," Helen said. "I heard that something wonderful happened when you and Connie went to Starbucks the other day."

Lily just shifted uncomfortably in her chair, trying her best to avoid eye contact with Helen.

"You managed to order your own drink," Helen said. "I'm really proud of you, Lily. I understand that it wasn't easy for you, but you did it."

Forcing a smile, Lily nodded.

"You've been doing really well, Lily," Helen said. "So Connie and I are just struggling to understand why you refuse to talk in my sessions. I'm a specialised speech therapist so I'm supposed to help people talk, but you need to want that help."

Lily shrugged her shoulders. She wanted nothing more than to get out of there.

"Okay," Helen whispered. "I want you to close your eyes for a second."

Lily nodded, slowly shutting her eyes.

"Now, imagine you are somewhere other than this room," Helen said. "Somewhere that makes you feel safe, nowhere scary or frightening. It could be the seaside, a place from your childhood, or even the ED. Got that?"

Lily nodded again, picturing herself at the beach with Iain. She'd had such a lovely day, and she'd felt so safe and happy with his company. She hoped that the two of them would go back some day.

"Okay, so picture yourself with someone you trust," Helen said. "Someone you're close with."

Lily pictured Iain in her mind. The two of them were laid back on the sand, sunbathing, just the two of them.

"Keep that picture in your mind," Helen said, taking a small iPod with a pair of headphones out of her bag. "Now, I want you to try your very best to tell me how you are feeling in that picture."

She selected the song, put the headphones on her head and over her ears and set the iPod down in her lap.

"In your own time," Helen whispered. "Keep visualising that picture for me, and just relax."

"I..." Lily hung her head, clutching the iPod between her fingers.

She pictured her and Iain on the beach, laughing, talking as if nothing had ever happened. It was just the two of them. Lily thought about how she was feeling at the beach, and how Iain made her feel.

"Happy," she whispered, keeping her eyes shut. The music continued to play in her ears. "I...I want to live at the seaside with Iain, by the water. I...I feel safe when I'm with him, I feel like I can talk to him about anything. I...I love him."

"You're doing really well, Lily," Helen praised, smiling at the sound of her voice. "Now, this may seem scary but I want you to tell me how you might be feeling on one of your bad days."

Lily shook her head. She moved her hands so that she was sitting on them, and slowly rocked back and forth. Her eyes were glued shut, and suddenly her whole picture went wrong. The clouds turned a horrible dark shade of grey, rain began to fall from the sky, and Iain disappeared out of sight.

"I don't know what to do," she cried.

She brought her hands out from underneath her and started to scratch at her arms.

"Lily, stop," Helen said, getting out of her chair and walking over to her. "What's wrong?" She asked, gently taking hold of her wrist.

"I...I hate it," Lily continued to cry. "When...When I have bad days, it's like the whole world is against me. I just want everything to end. I...I remember what happened, I think of him, and...I hate myself. I...I just want to jump off a bridge or...Swallow my whole pot of medication. I'm just not strong like everyone else."

"Why don't we stop there?" Helen asked, slowly removing the headphones for her. "You are strong. You've come this far, haven't you?"

"I...I don't feel it," Lily gasped between tears. "And I feel awful, because Iain doesn't deserve me. I can't do the normal, relationship things that everyone else can do because I...I just see 'his' face every time and I hate it!"

"I know it's hard, but you're coping well," Helen comforted her. "And listen, I don't ever want to hear you talk about ending your life. You have so much to live for, and you'd be missed terribly."

"Sometimes it doesn't feel that way," Lily whispered, fiddling nervously with the wire of the headphones.

"I'm going to grab you a tissue," Helen told her. "Do you want a drink at all?"

Lily nodded thankfully, forcing a small smile through her tears.

"Alright, lovely," Helen said, standing up straight. "I think I have a packet of chocolate chip cookies tucked away in my desk drawer as well. You did well to tell me all of that Lily, even if it was with the music."

She grabbed Lily a glass of water, handed her the box of tissues that she kept on her desk, and then began to open the packet of cookies. Lily took one shyly, and dabbed at her watery eyes with a tissue.

"Have you got anything planned for this evening?" Helen asked.

Lily shook her head, sniffing and continuing to wipe her tears away.

"I bet you'll be pleased to get back to work, eh?" She then said.

Lily nodded, but the thought of being off work for so long just made her cry harder. She missed her job so much. She missed working.

"You'll be back soon, Lily," Helen whispered. "I promise you. Now, would you mind if we call Iain in? I'd like to have a word with him."

Lily hesitated, smiling weakly, as her tears continued to fall. Eventually, she managed to shake her head.

* * *

Gem arrived home from work that night to a quiet flat. She pushed open the door to Iain's bedroom and saw that Lily was fast asleep in his bed, without Iain. Gem frowned to herself and exited, closing the creaking door behind her.

"Iain," she whispered, strolling into the living room and setting her backpack down on the floor.

Iain was sprawled out on the sofa, asleep and with an empty plate on the floor beside him. Gem sighed and sat herself in the armchair, grabbing the remote to switch on the TV. She made sure to turn down the volume so that it wouldn't wake her brother, but he was already stirring.

"You're home late," Iain grumbled.

"Actually, I'm home early," Gem chuckled. "It's half past four. How long have you been asleep?"

"I don't know," Iain sighed. "Lily had an upsetting therapy session, so she went to bed. I feel pretty exhausted myself though."

He yawned and rubbed at his eyes with the palms of his hands.

"You need to take care of yourself, bro," Gem said. "You're going to make yourself ill otherwise. What happened with Lily though?"

"I don't know," he sighed, shrugging his shoulders. "She just said some upsetting stuff, that's all. Helen called me in at the end of the session to talk to me, and it just doesn't seem like Lily is as okay as she makes out to be. There's still a lot that she's not telling us."

"Like what?" Gem asked, gulping and turning off the TV. "She spoke though, right? That must have been good."

"Not exactly." Iain rolled his eyes.

"What did she say?" Gem asked.

Talking about the stuff that Lily was going through upset her, but then again she wanted to know what was going on. She didn't like to be left out in the dark, unaware of what was going on with her friend.

"Gem..." Iain sighed heavily.

"I'm not a child," Gem snapped at him.

"Okay, fine," he whispered, climbing off of the sofa and picking up his plate to take it into the kitchen. "She talked about ending her own life, alright? I'm going to and see if she's okay."

Iain dragged himself into the kitchen and chucked the plate into the sink with a crash. Gem stayed where she was, a small tear rolling down her face. She sniffed and hiccuped, hoping that Iain wouldn't hear her small sobs. He obviously did, because he came back into the living room and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Hey," he whispered. "She'll be fine. Why don't you order us a pizza, eh?"

"Sure," Gem agreed, pulling her phone out of her pocket. "The usual?"

Iain nodded, patting her shoulder comfortingly before walking away.

"Iain," Gem called him back quickly.

"What is it?" Iain asked, popping his head back round the door.

Concern filled his eyes, but Gem appeared to be smiling.

"I love you," she said to him.

Iain smiled back and nodded, small tears forming in his chocolate brown eyes. "I love you too, little sister."

 **Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Let me know what you think. I'm surprised that I've written so many chapters for this story to be honest.**


	32. Chapter 32

**casualtyfics111: Thank you. I think they had a really good friendship, and Gem actually told her that she was the only friend she had. I do love a good brother/sister scene as well. Thanks for your review.**

 **Scarlett: Thank you! That's a good idea, I'll keep that in mind. Lots of Lily and Connie in this chapter.**

Chapter Thirty-Two

Lily felt as if things had been different since her recent session with Helen. By different, she meant that Iain had been quiet and withdrawn.

"How are you feeling this morning?" He asked, as Lily attempted to tie up the shoelaces on her trainers.

She was having one of her bad days again, meaning that even the simpliest tasks became difficult. This involved tying her shoes, brushing her hair, and remembering to eat.

She didn't answer.

"Okay," Iain sighed, when usually he'd give her a hug and a kiss before deciding to brush her hair for her. "Well, you um...You're coming into work today, right?"

Lily nodded.

"Sure," Iain said, watching as Lily struggled with her laces. "What's wrong anyway? You can talk to me, Lily."

"Just feeling a bit flat," Lily answered, stopping to run a hand through her hair. "Can you help me?"

Iain nodded with a small sigh and crouched down in front of her to tie them up. It was unusual for Lily to ask for help, so he was pleased. It showed progress, and the fact that she was beginning to talk to him more showed that she trusted him.

"It's probably because Louise is due back today," Lily whispered.

"So soon?" Iain coughed, his eyes on her trainers.

"It's gone quick," Lily told him.

"Yeah it has," Iain sighed, patting the side of her left leg. "All done. I'll make breakfast, yeah?"

* * *

Louise scowled to herself as she strolled through the car park of the ED. It felt good to be back but she wasn't at all happy about being suspended in the first place. In her opinion, she hadn't done anything.

She stopped outside for a second and took a glance at the massive pile of cardboard boxes that had been stacked by the entrance. It looked as if someone was having a clear out.

"Hi Louise," Alicia was the first to greet her, as she made her way inside. "It's good to see you. How was your break?"

"Terrible," Louise scoffed. "Seeing as I was suspended." She sighed and shook her head, before whispering, "sorry. I shouldn't be taking it out on you."

"It's alright," Alicia whispered back. "I assume that Mrs Beauchamp will want to have a word with you."

"Probably," Louise sighed. "Can't say I'm looking for that. How's the great and wonderful Ice Mouse been anyway?"

"Don't speak about Lily like that," Alicia pleaded, shaking her head at the nurse. "She can't help the fact that she isn't talking. She's been through a lot."

"Whatever," Louise mumbled, rolling her eyes. "Listen. I'm going to go and have my chat with Connie, and then I'm going to pop out for a cigarette before my shift."

"But you don't spoke," Alicia stated, as she gave Louise a puzzling look.

"I just need something to calm myself down," Louise whispered, and walked off in the other direction.

* * *

"We are going to do some reading," Connie said, as she and Lily sat in the board room. It seemed to be their regular spot, mainly because it was private and only used for meetings, and Lily often felt safe in there. "Have you brought your book with you?"

Lily set her new copy of 'Alice in Wonderland' on the table in front of them.

"I thought it'd be nicer to bring your own copy," Connie said. "Can you remember where we left it?"

Lily had a feeling. It was just as Alice was about to meet Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee. She couldn't believe how much she'd actually read to be honest, sure it had been over a period of weeks but it was still a lot. She opened the book and found the correct page.

"Okay," Connie whispered. "Are we going to try it without the music today?"

Lily shook her head. The thought of speaking to Connie without the earphones terrified her.

"Lily, please." Connie sounded as if she was getting impatient. "You're not going to get anywhere otherwise."

There was silence, as Connie waited for Lily to say something.

"Fine. Why don't we leave the reading for today?" Connie asked, closing the book and pushing it to one side. "Why did you tell Helen that you wanted to kill yourself?" Lily shifted uncomfortably in her chair, fiddling anxiously with the sleeves of her jacket. "Is that really how you feel?" Connie then asked.

Nothing.

"Lily, talk to me!" Connie raised her voice. "Right now, I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you and I feel like I'm talking to Lassie. You've spoken to me before, Lily. I'm just worried."

"I don't know," Lily whispered, scratching at her arms under the table. "I just feel like it sometimes."

"Do we need to put you on a higher dosage of medication?" Connie asked. "At the moment, you are on a very small dosage. Not only that, but those kind mainly treat anxiety and not depression."

"I'm not depressed," Lily argued.

"It wouldn't surprise me," Connie said. "And I'm sorry but if you're having suicidal thoughts, then I would rather look at prescribing you with an antidepressant."

"I'm a doctor myself, you know?" Lily muttered under her breath.

Lily shrugged her shoulders. Connie was about to open her mouth to speak again, when the loud sound of the fire alarm echoed throughout the entire ED. Lily jumped, looking up at the ceiling with a petrified look on her face.

"Great," Connie muttered sarcastically, and stood up from her chair. "Get yourself to the fire assembly point, please. I'm going to go and check what's going on."

Lily stayed where she was, trembling, as Connie swiftly left the room.

"Charlie!" She shouted, hurrying through the busy crowd of screaming staff and patients. "What's going on? What's happened?"

"There's a fire in reception," Charlie informed her. "We're calling for help, but right now we need to get everybody out. Just make sure that people stay clear of reception."

"What caused it?" Connie asked him.

"I have no idea," Charlie sighed. "Just make sure that everybody gets out safely, and watch out for the quiet ones as usual. Where's Lily?"

"She's fine, she's safe," Connie said. "I told her to go to the assembly point."

"You didn't take her yourself?" Charlie asked, his eyes widening as he moved to let some people past. "Just keep walking!" He shouted after them. "Do not stop to collect any belongings!"

"Lily is more than capable, Charlie," Connie said, folding her arms across her chest. "She's not stupid."

"She's vulnerable, Connie," Charlie reminded her. "And extremely anxious. How do you know if she's left the building or not?"

Hearing those words made her regret leaving Lily alone in the board room. She should have taken her outside herself.

"Okay, fine," Connie gave in. "Take care of everyone out here, and let Iain know that I'm taking care of Lily. He'll be worrying otherwise. I'll go back to the board room and see if she's still there."

"Look after yourself as well," Charlie said. "Fire spreads quickly, and we can't afford to lose anyone."

"I'll be fine Charlie," Connie said. "I promise."

She ran back to the board room, as fast as she could in her heels. She half hoped that Lily was still there, so she could score her towards the nearest exit and make sure that she got out safely. Lily was a grown woman, she was bright, and she'd been a doctor at the ED for years. Charlie had been right though, she was in a vulnerable state at the moment and she needed looking after.

"Lily, come with me!" She called, pushing open the door to the board room.

Lily was gone.

 **I hope you enjoyed the chapter and I hope you all enjoyed the Autumn trailer tonight. Let me know what you think x**


	33. Chapter 33

**Scarlett: I love a good cliffhanger :-)**

Chapter Thirty-Three

The 'Alice in Wonderland' book was gone as well.

"Oh god, please be outside," Connie mumbled, running her hands through her hair.

She couldn't believe that she'd been stupid enough to leave her alone. It wasn't even as if she could call out to her. She wasn't talking so she wasn't going to shout back, was she? Connie sniffed and the burning smell grew stronger and stronger. She had to get out of the ED and just pray that Lily was by the assembly point with the other colleagues.

"Charlie!" She spotted him as soon as she walked out of the nearest fire escape. "Have you seen Lily?"

"I thought you were looking for her," Charlie said to Connie.

"No," Connie whispered, shaking her head. "Please don't say that."

Iain couldn't help but overhear. He stormed over, grabbed Connie by the arm without thinking, and made her look at him.

"Where is she?" He asked, putting his face close to hers. "Mrs Beauchamp, is she still inside?"

"Let go of me, Iain," Connie whispered calmly. "I'm sure she's fine. We'll find her, I promise. The fire brigade are on their way and..."

"That doesn't make it okay though, does it?" Iain cut her off. "I need to go back inside."

"Iain, no," Charlie scolded him. "It's too dangerous! Wait for the fire brigade!"

Iain pushed him away and hurried towards the burning entrance of the ED. He heard Cal call after him and immediately, he was following. He hadn't expected anyone to run in after him, and he didn't want to put anybody else in danger. He just needed to find Lily.

"Iain!" Cal coughed. "We need to get out of here before the whole place goes up in flames."

"I need to find Lily first," Iain said. "Now you're either with me, or you're not. It's your choice."

He coughed and squinted as the smoke hit his eyes. The front doors were on fire, the burning smell was catching in their throats, and Iain prayed that Lily was somewhere safe and away from the flames. He didn't want to think of anything terrible happening to her. He couldn't lose her.

* * *

Lily coughed as she raced up the stairs of the ED, her copy of 'Alice in Wonderland' clutched to her chest protectively. Although the flames were spreading slowly, she could still smell the smoke and she was scared. She wanted Iain, or even Connie. Why hadn't she followed Connie's instructions and got herself to the assembly point? She hated the fact that she panicked so much.

"Lily!"

The voice sounded familiar. It was Cal. What on earth was he doing inside? There was a loud crash and Lily turned her head to see part of the ED caving in. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she realised that she was going to die. She tried to call back to Cal, but the superglue was back and her words were stuck in her throat.

"Lils!"

Iain was shouting to her now. It felt so good to hear him. Lily tried to talk, but it was so difficult. She sniffed, sat on the floor with her back against the wall, and reached into her pocket. There was the iPod. She remembered what Connie had said though, how she needed to try talking without the distraction of music.

She could still smell the burning, and the faint sound of Cal and Iain rang in her ears.

She knew what she had to do.

She squeezed her eyes shut, tossed the iPod down the stairs, and screamed.

"IAIN!" Her eyes snapped open, and she felt shocked from the sound of her own voice. "Iain!" She shouted again, even louder.

The sound of feet were heard and Iain and Cal came running up the stairs, Iain throwing himself onto her as soon as he saw her. Lily burst into tears, clinging to him whilst sobbing hysterically into his shoulder.

Cal stood back and watched. Although surprised by the fact that Lily had said proper words, he didn't say anything. They had more important things to worry about.

"I'm so glad you're okay." Iain was crying himself now. "What happened, Chuckles?"

"I..." Lily didn't even care that Cal was there. "I was so scared, Iain! I didn't know what to do. I just panicked."

"Alright, it's okay," Iain whispered gently, running his hands up and down her arms. "I'm here now."

"Guys, I have to break this up," Cal said. "But we really need to get to the fire exit and get out of here, before we all turn into toast."

Iain nodded at Cal and stood up, taking Lily's hand in his. Lily squeezed his hand tightly and sniffed, as the two of them followed Cal away from the smoke and along to the nearest exit. Although Iain and Cal were both terrified themselves, they needed to try and put on brave faces for Lily. Iain could feel her trembling, as she gripped onto his hand. Her book remained tucked under her arm, as if it was her most precious thing in the world.

They made it out safely, coughing from the smoke, but alive at least. The fire brigade had arrived and were hosing down the fire as fast as they could. They'd all been lucky. It could have been a lot worse.

"Lily!" Connie yelled, running over in her heels as soon as she spotted her. "Don't ever do that again!"

"She's fine, Connie," Iain told her. "Just shaken up, that's all."

"Are you two okay?" Connie asked Cal and Iain, cross that they'd run into a burning building but happy that they'd managed to save Lily.

"We're fine," Cal said. "Really."

"I'm sorry," Lily said, as Connie hugged her. "I just panicked, I..."

"You're talking?" Connie's voice came out high-pitched and shocked. "Look, that doesn't even matter right now. You're safe, but we'll still need to get you checked out."

Lily just nodded against her.

"Mrs Beauchamp, do we even know how the fire started?" Iain asked, placing a hand on Lily's shoulder.

"No," Connie whispered, glancing towards the fireman whilst keeping Lily in her arms. "But I'll find out. Don't worry."

 **Bit of a shorter chapter, and maybe it seemed a bit rushed. I don't know. I hope it was okay x**


	34. Chapter 34

**Scarlett: Thank you. I have a special Connie and Lily story planned for you. I'll be writing it soon. Also, there is a lovely Connie and Lily scene in this chapter as well.**

 **A: You'll soon see! Thanks so much, I hope you enjoy the update.**

 **LillyMayFlower: Hehe, you might have guessed correctly. You might not have. I don't like Louise either, maybe that's why I always make her so horrible in my stories. Thanks for reviewing.**

Chapter Thirty-Four

"You were extremely lucky."

Connie was in the middle of checking Lily over. The front entrance of the ED had been badly burnt and needed to be refurbished, so she was currently perched on the wall outside. Connie and Elle were examining her, and Iain sat on the wall beside her so that she had some company.

"We all were," Elle laughed, trying to think positive for everyone's sake.

"Yeah," Connie sighed. "God knows how we're going to pay for the damage, but I'm sure we'll think of something."

"It could have been worse, Connie," Elle said. "The entire hospital could have gone up in flames, someone could have died."

"Having to transfer all of our patients to St Andrews was not what I had in mind though," Connie snapped. "I bet they think so highly of us now, don't they? What hospital has a major fire halfway through treatment?"

"These things can't be helped," Elle whispered.

"Do we even know what caused the fire?" Iain asked, as he sat and held Lily's hand.

"They found a lit cigarette in the pile of boxes by the door," Connie said. "Looks like someone could have been smoking but they didn't put out their cigarette properly, almost endangering Lily's life. Still..." She smiled to herself and gave Lily's arm a gentle rub. "She's alright, I suppose."

Lily smiled back, running her hand over the cover of her 'Alice in Wonderland' book. More than anything, she was pleased to see that it was okay.

"Connie?" Charlie's voice appeared and Connie turned to see him walking over with Louise. "Um...Louise has something that she'd like to say."

"What is it?" Connie asked, turning her attention towards the nurse, a serious expression on her face.

"I'm sorry," Louise apologised, looking towards Lily nervously. How was she supposed to apologise to Connie for her actions in front of the person who almost died in the fire. "I was the one smoking, and I threw the cigarette onto the boxes. I'm really sorry, but I thought I'd put it out properly."

"Louise," Connie whispered, shaking her had in disbelief at the young nurse.

Iain couldn't hold it in for much longer. His girlfriend had almost died, all because of Louise, someone who was supposed to be their friend and colleague. He left Lily's side and lunged at her, Charlie quickly stepping between them in case he did end up causing some nasty damage.

"I'm going to kill you!" He shouted, pointing a finger at her. "Do you not realise what you've actually done?"

"Iain," Connie scolded, subtly shaking her head, and quite aware of the fact that Lily was watching and listening. "Louise. You put our staff and patients in danger, and you could have caused some serious damage to the ED."

"It was a mistake, I'm really sorry," Louise whispered, a single tear rolling down one side of her cheek. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I'd never want to hurt Lily, or anyone for that matter."

Connie didn't know what to say. Clearly, Louise was sorry, but at the end of the day she'd still caused a fire to break out in the ED. She was going to say something, when she suddenly felt Lily give a hard tug on her sleeve. She turned to see what she had to say, but instead she just shook her head. Iain's hands remained in fist form, but he too stayed quiet for Lily's sake.

"What do you mean?" Connie asked her.

Louise and Iain exchanged glances with each other, shocked that Connie seemed to understand Lily's silent words. Louise didn't understand how it was even possible, but she didn't say anything.

"I'm giving you a warning, Louise," Connie said. "Lily's prepared to drop it, seeing as it seemed like a genuine mistake and that everyone is okay. I'm still not happy though and if something else happens, then you're out."

Louise nodded and Connie gestured for Charlie to follow her, so that they could go and check out the seriousness of the damage.

"Thanks," Louise whispered, taking Connie's place on the wall. "And I really am sorry. I guess I just didn't realise how much you were really going through, and I couldn't understand it."

Lily nodded, smiling so Louise knew that she was forgiven.

"Can we try and be friends?" Louise asked. "I'd understand if you really don't want to be."

Lily stayed silent, but moved closer and wrapped an arm around Louise's shoulder.

"Thank you," Louise said shyly. "I'll take that."

* * *

"Are you sure you're okay?" Connie asked as she walked into the flat with Lily and Iain.

Lily just faintly nodded, leaning against Iain as he held his arm around her. It had been a long day, and a difficult one as well, so Connie had agreed to come back with them and make sure that Lily was alright. She wasn't injured, but she did seem shaken up. She'd also gone back to her silent state as well.

"I'm going to put the dinner on," Iain offered, throwing his keys onto the table and making his way into the kitchen. "Get some rest, Lily."

Lily nodded and flopped down onto the sofa. Connie sighed and sat next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder to give her a hug.

"What's going to happen to the ED?" Lily whispered to her.

"Hey, there's that lovely voice," Connie teased. "It'll be fine, sweetheart. it can quite easily be fixed; in the meantime, all patients need to go to St Andrews. We can't have them being admitted to Holby, it's too dangerous."

Lily nodded against her and held out the book.

"Can you read to me?" She asked in a small voice.

"Now, that isn't how it works," Connie laughed, taking the book from her. "You're supposed to read to me."

"I know," Lily whispered. "I just feel like hearing someone else's voice for a change."

Connie nodded and opened the book for her.

"I didn't mean what I said, you know?" Lily then said, before Connie could even start reading. "When I said that I wanted to end my own life? When I was stuck in the ED and I saw the flames approaching, all I wanted was to get out of there alive. I realise that I shouldn't have said that now. I...I did almost die, and it was the most terrifying thing ever."

"But you didn't," Connie told her. "And you have a fit of the verbals, considering you haven't actually been talking."

"I can talk to you and Iain," Lily said. "I feel comfortable around you."

"Well, I am very glad to hear that," Connie said. "Come on then. I will read you a couple of chapters of this, whilst Iain gets dinner ready."

"Can I ask you a question?" Lily asked.

"Sure," Connie said, stroking at her hair. "Anything."

"Do you think Iain hates me?" Lily asked.

Connie was completely shocked. She wasn't expecting Lily to ask something like that, considering the fact that she and Iain seemed so happy together. Iain was a brilliant boyfriend to her, and he showed that.

"What makes you say that?" Connie asked her.

"Because I...I get scared when it comes to kissing, and even hugging," Lily admitted. "It makes me nervous. We don't even have sex, because I...I just can't. It isn't fair on him if he's in a relationship like that. Everything just makes me jumpy."

"If Iain couldn't handle that, then he would have said something by now," Connie said. "He loves you, and he doesn't care if certain things make you anxious. He understands that you've been through a difficult time, and he wants to be with you. Don't ruin the relationship, just because of a few anxieties or concerns that you have. It isn't worth it."

"I guess," Lily muttered under her breath, taking in what Connie had told her.

"You don't have to be kissing him all the time to show that you love him," Connie said. "You can do something else."

"Really?" Lily asked, with a glint in her eye. "Can you help me?"

"Of course I can," Connie agreed, and gave her a firm nod. "What did you have in mind?"

 **I hope you liked the chapter.**

 **Just to let everyone who's reading Soulmates know that it is going through some editing at the moment. I'm not deleting the whole story but I will be amending some bits, so that I'm happier with the story x**


	35. Chapter 35

**casualtyfics111: I'm glad you liked that! I thought so. Like with selective mutism, you're usually only comfortable with certain people. I will be updating that story soon, I promise!**

 **casualcasualty: Thank you so much. Let's hope so, she needs it.**

 **Scarlett: This chapter is also adorable!**

Chapter Thirty-Five

Iain had had an extremely stressful day at work.

He loved the ED and it would always hold a special place in his heart so he hated the fact that he had to drive to and from St Andrews hospital instead for a while. Jez wasn't keen on it either, and was often complaining. The ED entrance was currently in the middle of being repaired so although he was still working, it wasn't open for treating patients in. However, Charlie was adament that it wouldn't take long to fix.

He was glad to get home that evening, and he hoped that Lily was okay. She'd been at home all day and Connie had taken the day off to take care of her and make sure that she was okay after the first. Iain wondered if Connie had just made that excuse though, so that she didn't have to come face to face with the fire damage.

"I'm home, Gem!" He shouted to his sister, but received no answer. "Gemma!"

He set his bag down in his room and stared at his sweaty self in the mirror. Running a hand through his hair in frustration, he quickly checked his mobile for messages.

"St Andrews just isn't the same, Gem," he spoke again. "In my opinion, we should just be given this time off! St Andrews have paramedics, don't they? They don't need extra hands. Still, I'm sure we'll be back at Holby soon."

He still didn't receive an answer, so exited his room and made his way into the living room. The entire room was dark, lit with candles, and the coffee table was laidened with a tablecloth, food and a bottle of wine. Connie was stood there, and a rush of guilt came over him.

"Mrs Beauchamp, it's so nice to see you," he said, forcing a smile. "I didn't mean any of that stuff, about being given time off. I..."

"It's okay, Iain," she laughed, folding her arms across his chest.

"What's all this for anyway?" He asked, eyeing up the food. "I'm flattered and everything, but Lily's my girlfriend. It just wouldn't seem right."

"What on earth are you talking about?" Connie frowned. "I didn't do this Iain, although I did help out a little bit."

"Really?" Iain frowned at her.

The kitchen door opened and Gem and Lily both walked out. Gem was holding a huge plate of cooked meat, and Lily held a vase of flowers. Shocked, Iain smiled at her and gave her back a gentle rub. He felt her tense up slightly, but she didn't move away from his contact.

"Did you do this?" He asked her.

Lily nodded faintly, as Gem went to set the meat down beside the bowls of various vegetables.

"But, why?" Iain asked, confused.

"I wanted to show how much I love you," Lily whispered.

"Why don't we leave them to it, Gem?" Connie asked the teen, as she walked across the room and gave Lily's shoulder a rub. "You're welcome."

Lily nodded and stayed silent, as Connie and Gem left the living room and shut the door behind them. Iain had no idea where they'd gone, whether they'd left the flat altogether or just gone to Gem's room or something.

"You didn't have to do this," Iain said, as she and Lily sat down on the sofa.

"I...I wanted to," Lily stuttered anxiously. "I wanted to do something with just us two, so that I felt comfortable talking to you. I...I can't talk to you if other people are around."

"I understand," Iain said. "But...Why the food? Why the candles? We could just ordered a pizza and watched a film or something?"

"You want to kiss, and cuddle, like a normal relationship," Lily said. "And I get that. I guess I just feel bad that I can't do those things because of how scared I get, so...Mrs Beauchamp helped me come up with some ideas of another way to show that I loved you. This seemed like the perfect plan."

"Thank you," Iain said. "But I don't mind that you can't do that stuff, Lily. The time will come but until then, I just enjoy being with you and talking to you."

"That's sweet," Lily said.

"You'll get there," Iain told her. "You've come so far already."

"Have I?" Lily narrowed her eyebrows at him.

"Well, there was a time where you couldn't even speak to me or Mrs Beauchamp," Iain said. "But now look at you. You're talking to us in full sentences. I know you can't talk to anybody else at the moment, but that time will come and I bet you won't even notice it either."

Lily nodded, feeling slightly awkward by his words. She looked at the food and cleared her throat.

"We better tuck in," she whispered. "It will go cold otherwise."

"Bit of everything?" Iain asked, grabbing a couple of plates.

"Yes please," Lily answered.

Iain handed her a plate and served up. Afterwards, he reached across for the bottle of wine and gestured to it. Lily nodded, picking up her glass and handing it out to him. Iain poured themselves a glass, they made a toast, and got straight to eating.

"I love a good roast dinner," Iain said with a mouthful. "You did a good job here."

"It wasn't just me," Lily whispered. "But thank you. It tastes really nice."

She had a sip of her wine as well and licked her lips, gently placing her glass on the table.

"How was work?" She asked, her eyes fixated on her plate.

"Work?" Iain raised his eyebrows. He wasn't used to hearing Lily talk so much. "Good, thank you."

"It's something I've been learning in my speech sessions," Lily explained. "I need to try and ask questions and take interest in a person's life, instead of ignoring them."

"No, that's good," Iain smiled, having another swig of his drink. "It was alright. It just felt weird, working at St Andrews, like I didn't belong there. Jez felt the same, and Robyn looked quite upset."

"Was Louise there?" Lily asked.

"She called in sick," Iain sighed. "A bit coincidental, don't you think?"

"Don't be mean," Lily said under her breath. "We're friends now. She seemed really sorry."

"I know, I didn't mean that," Iain said. "She's probably just finding things difficult as well."

"I know," Lily said.

They ate the rest of their meal in silence. Lily felt slightly awkward, like she couldn't work out if Iain was just enjoying the food too much to say anything, or if she'd upset him in any way. That wasn't her intention, but she had said that her and Louise were friends, when he was clearly still angry with her.

"Are you finished?" He asked, when both of their plates were empty.

Lily nodded, dabbing at her mouth with a napkin.

"Thanks for that," he said, removing their plates and setting them to one side on the table. "That was lovely."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it," Lily said. "Have I annoyed you, Iain?"

"No." Iain shook her head. "You could never annoy me. Don't think that, alright? This was a lovely evening, and I love you very much. I always will."

Lily could feel herself blushing a bright shade of red. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and giggled slightly. Iain had another sip of his drink and set it back down on the table, breathing out heavily.

"I'm stuffed," he chuckled, draping a hand across his stomach.

"Could I try something?" Lily asked quietly.

"Of course," Iain said.

Lily straightened out the skirt that she was wearing and edged forwards slightly. Iain shut his eyes briefly, sensing her breath on his neck. Slowly, Lily cupped his face in her hands and pressed her lips against his, kissing him gently. Iain didn't move, knowing that it would just cause a major freak-out from her. He just sat there and waited until Lily pulled away.

"Well?" He asked, opening his eyes. "How do you feel?"

A smile spread across Lily's face and she slowly moved back, the awkward atmosphere soon returning.

"Good," she answered, her smile bigger than ever.

 **So I am terrified, guys! I don't know if you've seen but people think that Crystal could be leaving this year! She's been having new headshots, sorting out a new showreel, doing audition training. People are saying that it's all confirmed her departure, so I am so scared and upset right now.**

 **What do you all think? Let me know in a comment or drop me a PM x**


	36. Chapter 36

**MrsWhovian: I really hope that you're feeling better. I'm here if you ever want a chat. You do have a good point, I have a job and I still like to keep my CV updated. A couple of people on Twitter said that she's definitely leaving though, although I don't know how they know. I probably shouldn't get so upset until it's been confirmed.**

 **Scarlett: I hope she isn't :-)**

 **casualcasualty: Thanks so much, and they are. I love them so much.**

Chapter Thirty-Six

The staff were soon allowed to return to Holby ED.

Although everyone felt extremely happy to be back, there was also a slight tension in the air. The fire had completely changed the atmosphere of the place, and Lily wasn't the only one who wasn't talking. No one else knew what to say.

Lily was sat on the sofa in the staffroom, in the middle of reading 'Alice in Wonderland.' She'd almost finished, and she couldn't help but feel slightly sad about it. It was such a good story but it would also be the end of her and Connie's time together. Connie had helped her loads with her talking and her confidence, and it was all because of Alice and the White Rabbit. What would they do when she'd finished the book?

She'd managed to confide in Iain about her worry, and he'd told her that Connie would still help her. He'd said that they could just read something else, but Lily knew that it wouldn't be the same. 'Alice in Wonderland' had made memories for her, some good and some bad, and she'd never forget that.

"You really like that book, don't you?" Alicia said, as she sat beside Lily.

Lily nodded, resting her head against the palm of her hand. She wished that they'd keep quiet, she wasn't really in the mood to be talking. She just wanted to sit and read in peace.

"It is a good book," Louise mentioned.

She'd been so nice recently. Everyone guessed that she probably still felt guilty over the fire, but no one was really cross with her anymore. Lily had clearly forgiven her.

The door creaked open at that point and Connie popped her head round.

"It's good to see that you're with people, Lily," she said, smiling at Louise and Alicia. "Could you come with me for a second though? I have a special job for you."

Lily saved her place in the book and got up off of the sofa, before following Connie out of the room. It was actually quite nice to be away from Alicia and Louise; she hadn't asked for the company, they'd just joined her and they still weren't people who she really felt comfortable talking to just yet.

"Come with me, lovely," Connie said, placing her hands on Lily's shoulders and leading her into her office.

Lily saw a woman who she'd never seen before. She had blonde hair tied back in a ponytail, glasses, and jeans and a blouse. She looked around Lily's age, or maybe a bit younger, and she waved at Lily as soon as she entered.

"This is Sabrina," Connie told Lily. "She's going to be working here as a registrar for a little while, just until we get you sorted."

Lily's smile dropped. They'd spoken about getting a replacement, but Lily had hoped that they'd forget about it. Her chest tightened at the sight of Sabrina, and she felt close to tears. Why had Connie done this to her? She knew that she and Iain were the only people she talked to.

"I just want you to show her the ropes," Connie told Lily, keeping an arm around her shoulder. "Maybe find Doctor Hardy for her to shadow? Don't worry, Sabrina is aware of the situation and she understands."

Lily shook her head. She wished she could tell Connie that Sabrina couldn't possibly understand, not unless she'd been through it herself. How could she tell Connie that though, when there was someone else in the room with them?

"You don't need to talk to her," Connie whispered, and gave Lily's back a comforting rub. "Just walk her around the ED, and then Ethan can handle the rest."

She turned to address Sabrina, so that she could explain who Ethan was.

"Ethan Hardy is one of our registrars here," she said. "He's a lovely guy, and you'll be in good hands with him."

"Thank you, Mrs Beauchamp," Sabrina said politely, standing up and giving her hand a shake. "I appreciate it."

"You're very welcome," Connie said. "I'll leave you with Lily."

Sabrina nodded and left the office with great enthusiasm. Lily held back, so that she could talk to Connie briefly.

"This is the special job?" She asked quietly, whilst giving Connie a puzzling look.

"This is the special job," Connie said, giving her a reassuring wink. "You'll be fine. I promise."

She gently pushed Lily out of the office and shut the door behind her so that she could get on with some paperwork. Lily frowned and stuffed her hands into her pockets, looking across at Sabrina who was stood next to her.

"So?" She beamed at Lily, and shrugged her shoulders. "Where to first?"

Lily shyly gestured down the corridor, and began walking. Sabrina nodded and followed her. She wasn't shy at all.

"So, this is my third hospital placement," she said. "I'm kind of nervous still. Does that sound silly?"

Lily wanted to nod. She wanted to shout at her, tell her that she was silly and that she didn't need to be replaced, but she just found herself shaking her head instead. They stopped outside resus.

"Oh, good," Sabrina said. "So this is resus then, huh?"

The doors flung open and Ethan came flying out, notes in hand. He looked busy, in a rush, and completely drained, but he stopped when he saw Lily and Sabrina.

"Oh..." He adjusted his glasses, something that he did when he was nervous. "Hey there. Are you new?"

"Hi, I'm Sabrina," she introduced herself, and shook hands with him, just like she'd done with Connie. "I'm the new registrar here."

"It's lovely to meet you," Ethan said, cautiously glancing across at his best friend. "I'm Ethan Hardy. I see Lily's giving you a tour of the place."

"And she's doing an excellent job too," Sabrina said, as if Lily was a child. "Ethan Hardy, huh? I think Mrs Beauchamp had said something about me shadowing you."

Ethan looked towards Lily once more, and she gave him a shy nod.

"Yes, that's fine," Ethan then said to Sabrina. "I'll be with you in two seconds. Just wait here, alright?"

Sabrina nodded and adjusted her handbag, as Ethan gently took Lily's arm and pulled her to one side. Lily peered over her shoulder and folded her arms protectively across her chest, listening as Ethan spoke.

"Are you okay?" He whispered, and she gave him a faint nod. "What are you doing showing the new doctor around?"

"Um..." Lily gulped anxiously and stuffed her hands into her pockets. What was she doing? She could talk to Ethan. He was her best friend, wasn't he? "Mrs...Mrs Beauchamp asked me to," she whispered in the most quietest voice possible, so that Sabrina wouldn't hear her.

"She shouldn't have done that," Ethan mentioned. "Are you sure you're okay, Lily?"

Lily sniffed, before shaking her head. "Just...Just a bit overwhelmed, that's all."

"Um..." Ethan wasn't used to seeing Lily cry. He wasn't used to criers all together, so he had no idea what to do. "Shall...Shall I get Iain? I don't mind."

Lily nodded, grateful for how lovely he was being.

"Sure thing," Ethan agreed, gently hugging her.

* * *

"How are you doing, Chuckles?" Iain asked, leaning over and passing her a glass of water.

Lily just faintly nodded and had a sip, as he sat beside her and placed an arm around her neck. She held the glass in her hands and snuggled up to him, allowing him to plant a kiss on her forehead.

"You know, that Sabrina isn't going to be a better doctor than you," Iain reassured her, gently rubbing at her arm to try and comfort her. "No one can be better than Miss Lily Chao, because she's amazing."

"Thanks," Lily said, a small smile on her face. "She seems nice. I don't know if I like her."

"Course you won't, because she's competition," Iain laughed. "You didn't like Alicia when she first joined, did you? There's nothing wrong with it Lily, honestly."

"I guess," Lily said, shrugging her shoulders. "What if I'm never allowed to come back to work?"

"Mrs Beauchamp wouldn't do that to you," Iain said. "Sabrina's only here for a few months, right? She's only here until you're fit enough to return to work, so don't worry. You're an excellent doctor Lily, and it's about time that you believed that as well."

Lily said nothing but buried her face in his shirt. The door opened then and Connie walked in.

"Is everything alright?" She asked, concerned for the young doctor. "Ethan told me what happened."

"I'm okay," Lily whispered.

"I'm sorry, Lily," Connie said. "I thought it would have been good for you, but even I get things wrong sometimes. I want you to know though that Sabrina won't be here forever. Don't feel like I'm kicking you out because I'm not."

Lily nodded. It was as if Connie had heard the entire conversation between her and Iain.

"I know being around new people can become a bit overwhelming for you, and I should have thought about that," Connie said. "So I am sorry, alright? Am I forgiven?"

Lily laughed, staying silent, and taking another sip of her drink.

"I think you are," Iain chuckled, turning his head towards Connie.

Connie thanked her and smiled to herself. "I think the two of us are long overdue another trip anyway," she said to Lily. "We could go to Starbucks again if you want."

"I'd like that," Lily said.

She honestly loved it when she and Connie spent time with each other.

"Let me check my diary and I'll get back to you," Connie said, winking at her before exiting the staffroom.

"See?" Iain pulled Lily in closer and kissed her cheek. "I told you it'd be okay."

 **So I was supposed to update quite a few of my stories today. However, I had an incredibly bad day and actually had to go home from work early, so I didn't really feel motivated enough to write anything. I'm going away to a cottage in Yorkshire next week which will be nice, and I may get the odd time here and there to update so I'll try my best. Updates may be a bit slower though, because I'll be away.**

 **I'm glad I updated this story though and I hope you enjoyed the chapter.**

 **Also, Crystal tweeted me again today so that turned a rubbish day into a pretty good one. It really cheered me up, haha.**

 **Also guys, I've reached over 90 reviews for this story and I am so happy! Thank you to everyone who's favourited, followed, commented and read. It means the world to me and I'm really pleased that you all like the story. Hopefully, there will be many more chapters to come.**

 **I hope you all have a lovely week though and I will try to update as soon as possible x**


	37. Chapter 37

**Scarlett: Thanks so much. I'm away at the moment in a nice little cottage, and I love it. It's just nice to have the break :-)**

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan: Me too, and yeah she tweeted me again. It made me happy.**

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Weeks passed, and Lily slowly began to get better.

Everyone had seen a huge difference in her, even if she hadn't actually seen it herself. However, Connie had put her on a higher dosage of medication which she continued with and she still saw Helen at least once a week. There were some days when she couldn't talk at all, but there were other days when it was as if nothing had ever even happened.

Night time seemed to be the worst. Lily still had nightmares and it had been ages since she'd managed to get a decent sleep. She couldn't even be alone, not even during the day, because she just panicked that someone would hurt her again. Iain hadn't slept at his own flat in ages, because he wanted to try and help Lily feel safe in hers.

The problem was that although Lily was getting better, she was vulnerable and still needed looking after.

"Could everybody gather round please?" Connie asked, as she gathered the staff around the reception desk.

She looked up and saw Lily standing beside Ethan, rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet and obviously laughing at some joke that he'd made earlier. Ethan was trying his best to be polite, but was also trying to ignore her, so that he could listen to the meeting.

"Lily, sweetheart, ssshh," Connie said gently, and gave her a small smile.

Connie had a quiet day planned so the two of them were due to go out to Starbucks for a drink and a chat. It had become a weekly thing for them, and something that Lily often looked forward to.

"Okay, we have a day-out at St Andrews coming up in about a month," Connie told them all. "Basically, they were all impressed with our work there when we unfortunately had the fire at Holby. They'd like us to go and give a speech on how to succeed in the ED. Only a few of us can attend, so if you are interested in volunteering then please let me know this week. Are there any questions at all?"

Everyone shook their heads.

"Good," Connie said. "That's that then. I want us all to have a good day today, please."

She nodded at them and walked over to Lily, as everyone else walked off. Lily watched as Sabrina followed Ethan. She was already settled in and liked by everyone, and she hadn't even been there that long.

"Come on, trouble," Connie sighed, setting a hand on Lily's shoulder. "Get your coat."

Lily nodded and followed Connie along to the office. Her coat was in there from earlier, draped over the arm of the sofa. They walked inside and Lily grabbed it and slipped it on, whilst Connie quickly checked her mobile for messages.

"Oh great," she muttered sarcastically, her eyes on one particular message. "No," she whispered, shaking her head at the screen.

Lily flicked her hair out of the back of her coat and adjusted her bag slightly, her eyes on Connie.

"What's wrong?" She whispered quietly.

"What?" Connie looked up, and noticed that Lily had clocked her. "Oh, it...It's nothing. Trouble with Grace but nothing that can't be fixed."

"Are you sure?" Lily asked her.

"Let's just say, she still doesn't want to live with me," Connie whispered, a sad smile on her face. "I'm fine though, Lily. I just need to accept the fact that my daughter would rather live with her dad. These things happen for a reason, right?"

Lily shrugged her shoulders. "I guess."

* * *

Lily couldn't stop thinking about Connie, as they sat in Starbucks with coffee and cake. She'd managed to order for herself as well, which had been a great leap and had made both of them happy.

"Do you miss Grace?" Lily asked her.

"Of course I do," Connie answered, sipping at her drink before taking a bite out of her slice of Victoria Sponge. "She's my little girl."

"You looked really upset earlier," Lily pointed out.

"I was, because I would like Grace to live with me again," Connie said. "She doesn't want to though, and I can't help that."

"What does Sam think?" Lily said.

"You are just full of questions today, aren't you?" Connie laughed.

"Sorry," Lily whispered, anxiously having some of her drink.

"Don't be sorry," Connie sighed. "It's nice. Sam just wants what's best for Grace, and he doesn't think that I should get her back. The history between Sam and I is complicated, and I don't know if we'll ever really get on."

"I'm sure you'll work things out," Lily said.

"I'm sure we will," Connie agreed. "I wanted to talk to you about something anyway."

Lily looked up from eating her chocolate brownie, a nervous look on her face.

"Don't look so scared," Connie said. "But I was wondering if you wanted to come on the trip to St Andrews. Now, you won't have to speak if you don't want to but I just feel it could help, that's all."

"But...Why?" Lily whispered.

"Well, you've been doing so well," Connie told her. "And a change of scenery might be nice. Have a think about it, alright? I'd really like you to be there though."

"I'll have a think," Lily said. "But if I say yes, I won't have to talk?"

"Not if you don't want to," Connie said. "I know what happened the last time I forced you to show Sabrina around the ED, and I'd hate for you to feel uncomfortable again. But, if you do say a little something then I would be extremely proud of you. It's your choice. You've been doing really well so far, Lily."

"What if you talk to Grace about moving back in?" Lily asked.

"I've already told you, she doesn't want to," Connie said.

"But you're just accepting that answer," Lily said. "You haven't actually spoken to her. If you do that, then I'll come to the public speaking event and I'll try and speak."

"Really?" Connie's eyes widened.

She hadn't been expecting Lily to say that at all.

"Really," Lily replied, and finished off her brownie.

"Okay." Connie nodded and held her hand out. "It's a deal."

 **Just a small filler chapter as I might not have much updating time, I'm not sure yet. Hope you enjoyed it x**


	38. Chapter 38

**Bonnie Sveen Fan: Yeah, I did the same. And thank you, glad you're enjoying the story.**

 **casualtyfics111: Thank you and there will be another scene between those two in this chapter.**

 **Scarlett: Thank you!**

Chapter Thirty-Eight

"Hey. You're going to be okay."

Lily wished that she could believe Iain. It wasn't that easy though. There was a small voice in the back of her mind, telling her that something would go terribly wrong, and that she shouldn't even be going.

"Look at me, Chuckles," Iain whispered and he placed a finger under her chin, so that he could slowly lift her face. "You'll be fine, and Mrs Beauchamp will be there. You don't have to talk anyway, not if you don't feel comfortable."

"I know," Lily whispered back, stepping forwards for a gentle hug. "I love you."

"I love you too," Iain said, wrapping his arms around her. "You'll have a lunch break, right?" He asked, and she nodded. "Text me then, yeah? Let me know how you're getting on. If you're feeling anxious, tell me and I'll come and pick you up."

"You don't have to..." Lily went to say.

"Tell me," Iain said again, a little bit more harshly in a hope that Lily would get the message.

"I will," Lily promised, with a small sigh. "I have to go now. Mrs Beauchamp wants to be on the road in five minutes."

"Alright." Iain placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and gave her hand a squeeze, as she walked away.

"Hi Lily," Zoe greeted her, as soon as she arrived at the van. "How are you feeling this morning?"

Lily just nodded, secretly pleased that Zoe was coming with them. She assumed that Connie had given her a job back at Holby, considering the fact that she'd been there for a while now and didn't seem to be making any sign of moving back to America.

"Why don't you sit next to Connie or Ethan?" Zoe said, giving her shoulder a rub. "And Lily, well done for coming along today. I know that can't have been easy for you."

Lily just nodded and climbed into the van, pleased to see that Connie was already there rifling through a stack of paperwork. Feeling reassured by her smile, Lily fiddled with the ends of her sleeves and sat down next to her.

"Hey lovely," Connie said, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "Are you okay?"

Lily nodded meekly, forcing a brave smile.

"We'll wait for the others, and then we'll head off," Connie said, smiling back at her. "But I did give them a time, so hopefully they won't be late. Are you sure you're okay?"

Lily gave another meek nod.

"Because you know that you can talk to me anything, right?" Connie said. "I won't judge, I won't interrupt, I won't be angry, because believe it or not Lily, I care a lot about you. It still upsets me knowing about what you went through." A lump formed in her throat, as she struggled to continue. "It's something that you're never going to forget, and I wish I could help you in some way."

"You've helped me a lot," Lily managed to whisper, sensing that Connie was upset.

Connie hardly ever cried and she looked close to it. It scared Lily. It was as if Connie was a completely different person, she was usually so strong and brave.

"I don't feel as if I've done enough though," Connie said. "If I'd realised what was wrong a lot sooner, then I could have prevented it somehow."

"You couldn't have," Lily said. "But I'm okay, Mrs Beauchamp. I still have bad days but I'm still seeing Helen and I'm taking my medication as well."

"I just...I've seen the affect that sexual assault can have on people, Lily," Connie said. "Which is why I want you to talk to me so much if there's something wrong. Rape is an..."

"Please." Lily shook her head, and her whole body started shaking. "Don't say the word."

"I'm sorry," Connie whispered, realising that she probably shouldn't have even said anything. "But if anything was to happen to you and I didn't do anything to try and stop it, then I would never be able to live with myself."

"I'm not going to hurt myself," Lily said.

The sound of the passenger door sliding open was loud enough to make them both jump. Lily tensed up, hanging her head, and pretending as if they hadn't even been talking. It was only Ethan and he must have sensed that it was a bad time, because he slowly made his way to the back of the van in silence.

"We'll leave things here," Connie whispered. "But if you do ever feel that way, promise me that you'll tell either myself or Iain."

"I will," Lily said, and strapped herself in. "But I'm okay, Mrs Beauchamp."

"Call me Connie," she said, and passed the map over to her. "Here's an important job for you anyway. Map duty."

"Thanks," Lily scoffed sarcastically, but took the map from her anyway.

"We need something to distract you from the anxiety," Connie said.

* * *

Lily had never seen so many people before. As soon as she walked into the hall, her chest tightened and she felt as if she was about to throw up. She turned her head to speak to Connie, to let her know that she couldn't do it, but Connie was suddenly nowhere to be seen. And of course, Iain wasn't around. It was as if all her worse nightmares were coming true.

"Hey little one, how are you doing?"

The sound of Cal's voice made her jump, and she turned to see him strolling towards her. She wanted to tell him not to call her that, but she couldn't. Her words were stuck.

"Are you okay?" Cal sighed. "I'd get Connie, but she's tied up with talking to the clinical lead of this hospital. Can I help?"

Lily shook her head. If she had to talk to any of the brothers, it would be Ethan. She and Cal had never exactly been close.

"Well, I know you and Ethan are close but he's also tied up," Cal said. "He's giving the first speech."

It was as if he knew what she was thinking.

"I'm sorry, Lily," he sighed. "I know I've not been the most understanding or the nicest person to be around, but I do care and I'd like for us to get along. Just talk to me and tell me what's on your mind, yeah?"

"Cal!" Zoe arrived, placing a hand on his shoulder whilst stepping in between him and Lily. "I'll deal with this, alright? She um..." Her voice turned to a whisper so that Lily wouldn't hear her. "Likes certain people."

"I was just trying to help," Cal said.

"I know, but today isn't the best day for that," Zoe said, turning to address Lily. "Come on you, do you want to sit down?"

Lily shook her head, her eyes on the growing crowd.

"You know," Zoe sighed, leaning back against the wall. "You have been through an extremely difficult time lately, so honestly talking in front of a crowd of people is nothing."

"But Mrs Beauchamp said she didn't have to talk..." Cal went to say.

"Yes," Zoe snapped, holding a hand up to him. "She did say that, but I think she'd be pleased if you said a little speech. You won't be put on the spot at all, you can write it all down first and I can help you, and you only need to speak for a couple of minutes."

Lily didn't say anything.

"Come on," Zoe sighed in an encouraging manner. "You used to be one of our best public speakers, didn't you? You've been doing so well Lily, and aren't Connie and Helen giving you small challenges to do? Could we add talking to a crowd of people to the list?"

Lily managed a smile.

"Well?" Zoe asked. "What do you say?"

* * *

The entire room went silent as soon as Lily stepped up onto the stage. She gulped and looked to her left to see Zoe, Cal, Ethan, and Connie standing backstage. They were all watching her intensely, apart from Connie who looked ready to leap on stage.

"What is she doing?" Lily flinched when she heard Connie's sharp tongue. "Zoe! Why are you sending her on stage? She isn't ready!"

Lily wanted to agree with her. She wanted to drop her piece of paper, run off the stage and into Connie's arms, and get back to Iain as quickly as she possibly could. Her feet had been pinned to the wooden floor though. She held the paper in her trembling hands, Connie's voice still ringing in her ears.

"Give her a chance, Connie." It was Zoe's voice that time.

Lily forced a smile and took a deep breath, stuffing her hand into her pocket. She felt something though. Frowning to herself, she pulled out her iPod and earphones and just looked at it sitting there in the palm of her hand.

She looked back to her colleagues and slowly stuck the earphones into her ears. By now, the crowd of people were whispering to each other, but as soon as Lily chose a song and clicked play, she could no longer hear the muffled voices.

"H...Hello everyone," she stuttered, as the sounds of Ed Sheeran played in her ears. "My name is Lily Chao and I...I'm a registrar at...at H...Holby C...City Emergency Department. Th...This is what I have to say."

 **This story will probably be ending soon, which I'm sad about, but it will also mean more stories from me x**


	39. Chapter 39

**Scarlett: Thank you, and she is. Unfortunately, all stories have to end. Yes, I'm definitely considering that idea as I did like it :-)**

 **Guest: Thank you so much :-)**

Chapter Thirty-Nine

"So, you must be very proud of yourself."

Lily gave Helen a meek nod, smiling for the first time in ages. She was proud of herself, and even she had to admit that. She'd managed to talk, not only that, but she'd managed to talk in front of a huge crowd of people. When Zoe had first encouraged her, she honestly wasn't sure if she'd be able to do it or not.

"How do you feel?" She asked.

"Good," Lily answered. "I...I felt happy."

"I bet you did," Helen said. "I've been talking to Connie, and she sounds extremely proud of you. She'd like you to return to work soon, because she thinks that you might be ready now."

"I'm not ready," Lily whispered, shaking her head. "Honestly, I'm not!"

"Lily, we don't need to make any rash decisions," Helen tried to calm her. "Connie thought that you'd be happy about it though."

"But I'm not." The tears seemed to come on rather quickly, and Lily started to cry straight away.

Her breathing became heavy and she clutched at her chest, a terrified expression coming onto her face. She couldn't breathe and she felt trapped. She hadn't had an attack like that in ages, and she was so scared.

"Just follow my breathing, Lily," Helen whispered, as she came and sat beside her. "Come on now, calm yourself down."

Lily nodded and gasped for air, as her tears began to subside. Helen continued to rub small circles up and down her back, staying silent until she was sure that Lily was calm enough.

"You don't need to go back to work yet, not if you're not ready," Helen said. "But Connie thought that you'd be happy. You've always thoroughly enjoyed your job."

"Well, I'm not," Lily croaked, holding a hand to her head. "And I'll stop talking again so that I don't have to go back to work. I will, I'm not even joking."

"Now, you don't need to do that," Helen said, with a small smile on her face. "I'll have a chat with Connie. But why don't you want to go back, Lily? You can talk to me and if you don't want me to tell Connie the reason, then I won't."

"It will sound so silly," Lily whispered, another tear rolling down one side of her face.

"I'm sure it won't," Helen said, keeping a hand on the ridge of Lily's back. "Tell me."

Lily hesitated, trying to think of the best way to tell Helen what she was worrying about. She didn't want her words to sound stupid, and she didn't want Helen to judge her. She did want to get better, and she did want to return to work, but she was scared.

"What if something goes wrong?" She whispered.

"What do you mean?" Helen asked.

"What if I have a bad day at work?" Lily asked. "What if I lose a patient? I...I'm terrified that something like that will happen, and that I'll go back to my old ways again. I don't want that to happen but I'm scared it will."

"Lily, you will always have bad days at work," Helen said. "But you have so much support around you. You can't let fear get in the way."

Lily nodded, giving a small shrug of the shoulders.

"Do you want to know what Connie said to me once?" Helen asked. "She and I have been friends for a while and she said something to me one day, that has stuck with me for years."

"What's that?" Lily whispered.

"We all have bad days now and then, but it's how we respond that matters."

* * *

"So, how did your session with Helen go?" Iain asked, as he and Lily lay in bed together that evening. Lily looked exhausted, but Iain was just pleased that she felt comfortable enough to sleep beside him. "Did you talk to her?"

"Yeah, I did," Lily whispered. "It went well, thank you. She and Connie want me to return to work though."

"And you're not happy about that?" Iain asked, eyebrows raised.

"I don't know how I feel about it," she said. "I told Helen that I was scared, in case I have a setback."

"That might happen," Iain admitted. "I'm not going to lie to you Lily, but I'm not going to leave you. If you ever need to talk about anything, then you know where I am."

"Thanks Iain, that means a lot," Lily said.

Knowing that she had her boyfriend there for support, made her feel better about things. She felt lucky to have someone as nice as Iain.

"And you have Gem as well," Iain said. "She was telling me the other day how proud she is of you." Lily made eye contact with him, shocked to hear him say that. "Yeah, she told me that you'd come a long way and that I should be proud of you too. And I am, extremely."

Lily blushed a bright shade of red, and buried her face into his shirt.

"Iain," she whispered, during a long moment of silence.

"What?" He asked, gently stroking at her hair.

"I...I love you," she said, sitting upright in bed. "And I...I want to do it." She gulped and nervously scratched at her arms. "I don't want to hide in fear forever, and I want to...To have that relationship with you."

"Are you sure though?" Iain asked, sitting up as well. "I don't want to force you into anything that you don't want to do, Lily."

"I'm sure," Lily whispered, a small smile on her face. "I'm ready."

 **I'll probably end this story on the next chapter to be fair. I just feel it's now reached that point of an end, and 40 chapters seem like a good number to me x**


	40. Chapter 40

**casualtyfics111: Thank you! Enjoy the last chapter :-)**

Chapter Forty

 _One year later_

Exhausted, Lily flopped down onto one of the chairs in the waiting room and ran her hands down her face. A good and quiet day had turned in only a couple of seconds, and she just wanted to go home and have a nap. She sniffed and tried not to dwell on everything so much, but it was extremely difficult.

"Hey," Iain whispered, appearing at her side swiftly. He placed a hand on her shoulder and asked, "are you okay?"

"What do you think?" She muttered under her breath, looking up into his eyes and patting the empty space beside her.

Iain didn't even hesitate to sit down.

"You did all you could," Iain tried to reassure her. "Honestly, it wasn't your fault. He would have died, no matter who was treating him."

"Where is his wife?" Lily asked in a small voice.

"She's in the relatives room," Iain said. "I think Doctor Gardner is making her a cup of tea. In the meantime, I came to check on you." He sighed and said, "losing a patient can be hard, but it honestly was not your fault Lily."

"That isn't the problem," Lily breathed.

"Okay." Iain nodded at her. "Then what is the problem?"

Lily locked eyes with him and asked, "don't you know what today is, Iain?"

Iain gulped, wondering what on earth he'd forgot. Was it their one year anniversary? Her birthday? Had they planned to do something together lately? No matter how hard he tried, he honestly couldn't remember, and he felt like the worlds worst boyfriend.

"I'm sorry, I...I don't think I do," he said.

Lily sniffed and quickly wiped a tear away from her eye. Iain was so shocked to see that she was crying, he didn't really know what to do. Instead, he stayed silent and just wrapped an arm around her shoulder to try and comfort her.

"It's been exactly a year," she gasped between small sobs. "Since...I was r...raped."

Iain felt sick.

"Oh Lily, I'm so sorry," he apologised quickly, keeping his arm around her. "I...I didn't realise. Why didn't you say anything?"

"I didn't want to cause a fuss," Lily said. "I knew that you would worry, and Mrs Beauchamp would see me as unfit to work and send me home, and I didn't want that. Work's been a distraction."

"Clearly not enough of one," Iain said, stroking at her hair. "You are daft."

"Don't call me that," Lily sighed, shaking her head at him.

"Hey," Iain whispered, before going into his speech. "You have done incredibly well for yourself. Once upon a time, you didn't say a single word to anyone, and now look at you. There's no shutting you up, eh?"

He chuckled to himself and teasingly nudged her arm, causing a small smile to appear on her face.

"You're still going to have the odd bad day every now and then," Iain said. "But just try and think of the good days, yeah? Try and think of how far you've come."

Lily nodded and whispered a small 'thank you,' whilst resting her head against his chest.

"I don't think I would have got through any of it without you," Lily said.

"You're so cheesy," Iain laughed, ruffling her hair. "But thank you. I love you, alright? I want to help."

"I know," Lily whispered. "Today's just been hard enough, without the struggle of losing a patient."

"I understand," he sighed.

The two of them sat there in silence for a good couple of seconds, when Lily suddenly noticed Connie out the corner of her eye. She was slowly walking towards them, debating on whether to interrupt their moment together. She didn't say anything, but she did sit down on the other side of Lily.

"How are you doing?" She asked, when neither of them spoke.

It seemed like a good opportunity to talk.

"Bit better," Lily answered, keeping her voice soft and quiet.

"Not the best day for you, huh?" Connie asked, gently rubbing Lily's knee.

"I've had better," she sighed. "I um...I told Iain."

"Good." Connie grinned and gave her a nod. "Men aren't overly great at remembering things, are they?" And she jokingly gave Lily a wink.

"Excuse me?" Iain scoffed, although he was smirking. "And what is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, nothing at all," Connie said, turning back to address Lily. "Do you think you're ready to get back to work, or do you want a bit more time?"

"No, I should get back," Lily said, a small sigh escaping her lips. "I want to keep busy."

"You are stubborn," Connie sighed in frustration. However, she felt proud of Lily. "You shouldn't have even come into work today, hmm? Still, I'm proud of you, my lovely. Well done."

"That's because you love me, right?" Lily giggled, moving away from Iain to lean against Connie.

"Hmm, don't push it," Connie said, wrapping her arms around her to give her a hug. "Come on. Take a bit more time, okay? How about the two of you grab a drink and then you can get back to work after that?"

"That sounds okay to me," Iain said, leaning over to kiss Lily's cheek. "It means that I get to spend a bit more time with my beautiful girlfriend. If you want, we can talk a bit more about it."

Lily nodded faintly and stood up, as Connie gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

"I'm seeing Helen this evening," Lily informed her boss.

"I'm glad that you're still seeing her," Connie said. "She's helped you a lot, hasn't she?"

"You have too," Lily said, small tears shining in her eyes. "More than you know. Thank you."

Connie nodded and Lily leaned down to give her a hug.

"You're so welcome," she whispered, wrapping her arms around her waist tightly. "And you know where I am, don't you, if you ever need to talk? You can always ring me as well."

"I know," Lily said, pulling away from the hug, and turning to Iain who was now stood behind her. "Let's go and get a coffee."

"Sure thing," Iain agreed.

Lily gave Connie a small smile and hurried towards the staffroom with her boyfriend. Iain kept his arm around her protectively, and held the door open, as they made their way inside.

"You mean the world to Connie," he told her. "And you mean the world to me as well."

"That's cute," Lily said, as she walked over to the counter to make herself a coffee. "But I still find it quite hard to accept compliments, even if they are true."

"Whatever I tell you is true," Iain said, standing with his arms around her waist and his chin on her shoulder. "I'm so proud of you, Chuckles. You're come out as a stronger person than you already were. I love you."

"I love you too," Lily said. "Can I ask you something?"

Iain nodded.

"Could you come with me to see Helen later?" She asked. "I'm just...I keep shaking and I...I keep thinking about him, and...I could really do with the company during my session. Helen said it's fine for people to sit in, if it'd make me feel more comfortable."

"Hey, of course I'll come," he promised, removing some loose strands of hair from her face. "You are going to be feeling on edge today, and I'm really sorry that I didn't realise what day it was."

"You weren't to know," Lily whispered. "You're the best boyfriend ever, did you know that?"

"Yeah." Iain shrugged his shoulders, deep in thought. "I had a feeling."

Lily laughed, and threw her head back against him. "You're such an idiot," she joked.

"But I'm your idiot," he said, turning her head so that he could press his lips against hers.

"Yeah," she replied, slowly kissing him back. "You are."

Lily knew that it would take a while to get completely better. There were still times when she felt down and anxious, there were still times when she couldn't talk, and she still had the odd nightmare every now and then.

She was better than she used to be though, and she had so many people to thank for that, especially Iain.

He'd helped her so much, and it had stopped her from living her whole life in golden silence.

She just knew that the two of them would spend the rest of their lives together, happy and with the past behind them.

 **I actually feel quite upset, ending this story. It had reached that time though and although I wanted to continue it, I had other stories that I wanted to start. I hope you liked it and thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, favourited and followed. Your support means so much.**

 **I'll be posting a new story soon called "Truth or Dare" so give it a read when it's up, and let me know what you think. Yes, it is another Lily and Iain story x**


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